


always, all ways.

by junfhongs



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Explicit Sexual Content — Chapter 10, Explicit Sexual Content — Chapter 6, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Sexual Content — Chapter 5, Sugar Daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-03-30 19:50:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 63,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13958769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: Minki's awful—potentially record-settingworst idea ever—might have been the quick fix that Jonghyun needed— or just a hot mess. More accurately, Jonghyun's "sponsor" was hot… and Jonghyun was a mess.





	1. Chapter 1

Minki always made his ideas seem so damn simple, but Jonghyun felt like this new one was a little… _fucking ridiculous._ "I should get a _what_ now?"

"A sugar daddy!" Minki perked up. He snorted at the pure disbelief on Jonghyun's face, and then he got cracking on his laptop. "A… _sponsor,_ an arrangement— it doesn't matter how you phrase it, Jonghyun. Just get someone who's willing to give you everything you want, occasionally give them physical affection or some kinky conversations if they ask for it, and everything works out."

Jonghyun honestly felt like his soul was being drained out of his body. "Please tell me you're not being serious about this."

"I am! Jonghyun, when have I ever steered you wrong?" Minki paused. "Actually, don't answer that because it doesn't matter anymore. _This_ is the solution; it's perfect for you."

Jonghyun collapsed on his bed across Minki's, helplessness written all over his face. "I just need to buy _textbooks,_ Minki. I don't think I have to go that far just for some extra cash."

"' _Just_ some extra cash'? You're the one who was whining about how your damn professors really expected you to pull that much money from your ass." Minki turned his laptop to face Jonghyun. "Okay, if I fill out your profile on this site that helps you find a partner, will you let me?"

"Do I have a choice?" Jonghyun lamented. "Please, take the agency from me. Make me feel like I was forced into this so I don't have to take responsibility when it blows up in my face."

"Precisely my point," mumbled Minki. "I'm done with the basic info. Now… any kinks you'd like to try out?"

_"Minki."_

"I'm kidding!" Minki expertly dodged the pillow aimed at his head. "Don't worry, Jonghyun. This'll just be a casual thing; you can end it the moment you get what you want, and then you can go back to being a fake vanilla loser."

_"Minki!"_

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun didn't know when Minki was able to get his phone and install the damn app for that damn arrangement service, but now he was overwhelmed by all the notifications he kept getting from a bunch of creeps, ranging from obviously fake profile picture creeps to old men creeps whose profile galleries Jonghyun didn't want to look at. _Ever._

He was alone in the library when he was scrolling through his inbox, quickly filtering out the most obvious freaks that came onto him with excessive wink emoticons or straight up listed their kinks for Jonghyun to gape at. _God,_ this was such an awful idea, and he was definitely changing roommates next year.

Before he could indulge that thought, however, a contact request caught his eye for being nearly empty except for a short, _"Hi! :)"_ that was… significantly less concerning than the rest of his inbox. Jonghyun tapped the stranger's name and gaped at his profile picture for a few seconds.

"Shit, he's hot," Jonghyun mumbled to himself, admiring the curve of his eyes and the plumpness of his lips. When Jonghyun scrolled down, his jaw dropped. _"Twenty-five?"_ he exclaimed, immediately covering his mouth when he realized how damn loud he was. How the hell was a twenty-five-year-old rich enough to be on this cursed app?

Jonghyun stopped to think. Not immediately creepy? Check. Attractive? Big check. Not disgustingly old for his fresh, college student ass? Definitely a check. Rich enough to buy the books that Jonghyun now remembered were the reasons why Jonghyun agreed to sign up to this? Not like the app could cross-check his income, but Jonghyun _assumed_ that would be a check.

It took Jonghyun a few more hours of ruminating and unconsciously fantasizing about the stranger whose gallery he had been staring at repeatedly before he said, _"Fuck it,"_ and replied to this _Hwang Minhyun's_ request.

Jonghyun waited for a few minutes before jumping at the sound of a notification. _"Oh! I'm surprised you responded. Do you want to have dinner? We can talk in person, if you'd like ^^"_

Jonghyun stared at the emoticon at the end and sighed. _Shit,_ he thought to himself. _He's too cute to be faking this._ When Jonghyun finished sending his prayer to the gods, he replied positively and waited for Minhyun to send him something back. He soon got an address to a restaurant that was _way_ too expensive for his college budget. _Okay, so he_ is _rich._

 _"Wear something nice. See you tonight,"_ said Minhyun, and Jonghyun didn't know why he was so damn scared.

When Minki caught him glaring at his wardrobe as he got home, he instantly pieced it together and dove for Jonghyun's phone. "Holy shit, Jonghyun. You lucked out," he said, scrolling through Minhyun's profile with a lascivious grin. "When I tried this, all I got were a bunch of freaks, but within your first forty-eight hours, you got a _god?_ That's insane luck."

Jonghyun whined helplessly. "Please shut up, and just help me pick a shirt."

Minki hugged him tightly and squeezed his shoulders. "I'm so proud of you. Please _try_ not to get fucked tonight."

"I'm _not_ doing that, Minki. I'm staying classy!" Jonghyun clicked his tongue and winked at Minki before walking out, trying to muster as much self-confidence as he could before possibly having his expectations shattered if this Minhyun guy ended up as a catfish.

Luckily for Jonghyun, Minhyun's gorgeous face and apparently stupidly hot, broad shoulders were the first things he saw when he walked into that fancy restaurant. Minhyun was busy on his phone, but as soon as he saw Jonghyun, his eyes lit up and he put down his phone. "Jonghyun, right?"

Jonghyun blinked as his mind processed how deep and sweet Minhyun's voice was. "Um. Yeah. Minhyun?"

"That's me," he said, flashing Jonghyun that smile from all his pictures. Jonghyun _really_ couldn't believe this was actually happening. "Take a seat. Here's the menu."

Jonghyun found himself overwhelmed at all the choices and their lack of pricing. Jonghyun was sure that there should have been a law prohibiting snotty, expensive restaurants from hiding their prices to inhibit their customers' wisdom in spending, but all he could really think about was how weird this all was. Minhyun was able to pick up on that immediately. "Having trouble choosing what to eat?"

Jonghyun chuckled. "I… I'm a little out of place here. It's, uh, way beyond my usual haunts. You know, convenience stores and fast food and really cheap, gross stuff?"

"Well," Minhyun's eyes softened, "you'll start getting to used it soon, yeah?" Minhyun called the waitress over without even waiting for Jonghyun to make up his mind before he ordered for them both. Jonghyun was left staring at his plate awkwardly, not knowing where to place himself.

Minhyun's comment… made him feel all sorts of weird and warm. So he was serious about this? About treating Jonghyun well and all that? The voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Minki told him to go with it all and enjoy the experience. Some attractive, probably rich guy just offered to give him whatever he asked for because he probably found Jonghyun mildly attractive. That was an ideal situation for some people, but Jonghyun couldn't help but overthink.

"I… hope you like this place," said Minhyun, awkwardly to be honest. "You said in your profile that you liked Japanese food, so I thought I'd take you to the nicest place I knew."

"Oh," said Jonghyun, not sure how to respond. "Thanks? I honestly don't know what my friend put in my info, but thanks for clicking on my profile, I guess."

"My pleasure," Minhyun said, low and quiet. "You were definitely worth a few several glances. And a date too."

Jonghyun didn't know why this damn restaurant was so hot. It was probably because of the man in front of him, attempting to engage with eye contact and casual flirting that Jonghyun's awkward ass couldn't cope with. This was such a mistake; Jonghyun needed to get out—

"Hey," Minhyun said when he saw Jonghyun's discomfort, "honestly, this is my first time doing something like this. Not really sure how I'm supposed to act."

"Me too." The confession helped Jonghyun release some of the tension that was eating him up. Now, Jonghyun was able to look at Minhyun properly and see how he awkwardly smiled and rubbed the back of his head too. _Okay,_ thought Jonghyun. _I'll give this a chance._

"Maybe we should set some ground rules," Minhyun said, looking around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. He was embarrassed by this too; that was _incredibly_ comforting. "You should start."

"Well," Jonghyun tapped his fingers on the table, "no PDA or uncomfortable things in public."

"Of course," said Minhyun. "We'll… take it slow."

"Yes, please." Jonghyun perked up when the waiter arrived and served their food, putting down plate after plate of dishes Jonghyun only dreamed of trying before this. "Wow. You went all out."

"I didn't know what you wanted, so I got a sampler of each." Minhyun smiled at the gratitude in Jonghyun's eyes. "Dig in."

"Gladly," Jonghyun mumbled before he remembered that he was in a fancy restaurant where he was actually expected to act like a decent person and not a starved student. The hesitation in his bites made Minhyun laugh, loud and warm, disrupting the low buzz in the restaurant. He didn't seem to care, and Jonghyun found himself loosening up a bit.

"Hmm, second rule?" Jonghyun asked when he was done with his first piece of chicken.

Minhyun paused before putting down his chopsticks. "No online stalking."

Jonghyun chuckled. His eyes were challenging Minhyun. "What, why? Do you have something to hide, Hwang Minhyun?"

"God, no." Minhyun's eyes darted away for a moment, but Jonghyun refused to look into that. "If we're going to get to know each other, I'd rather we do it in person instead of through random things you can find on the internet."

"Fair enough," said Jonghyun. A thought crossed his mind. "So… you do want to know me better?"

That took Minhyun by surprise. His eyes were even softer now, holding Jonghyun's gaze as he attempted to find Jonghyun's soul. "Of course I do. I'd like to know what you like, give you everything you'd ever ask for. Do you… want that, Jonghyun?"

His mouth dried up. Minhyun's words were simple, nothing overtly forward or uncomfortable, but it was the way he said Jonghyun's name that made Jonghyun so weak in the knees. _God,_ who dropped this man on Jonghyun's lap and forced Jonghyun to deal with how fucking hot it was in this room? The only thing Jonghyun managed to say was, "Yeah."

That was enough for Minhyun to ease up a little, to smile softly, and to lick his lips. "Third rule: take as much as you want, Jonghyun. And I'll make sure to give you all I have. Deal?"

Jonghyun swallowed before nodding and giving Minhyun a shaky smile. He noted how Minhyun glanced down at his lips then to the creeping blush climbing up his neck. He looked up just in time to watch Jonghyun shyly avert his eyes, and Minhyun eventually followed suit. It wasn't uncomfortable, definitely not unsolicited, and at this point, it wasn't about to be unreciprocated. Jonghyun sighed. This was _still_ a bad idea.

_"Deal."_

 

 

———

 

 

"So," Jonghyun started, "when you said you'd give me anything, you meant that, right? That… includes textbooks?"

Minhyun laughed loudly now, more comfortable in the open air of the streets. Jonghyun wanted to dig a hole for himself now, but the lingering smile on Minhyun's face told him that he didn't do anything wrong, really. "Straight to business, huh?"

"I— I just wanted to be clear!" whined Jonghyun, and Minhyun almost looked like he was about to reach out and ruffle Jonghyun's hair. The way Jonghyun's shoulders jumped at the trajectory of his hand, however, made Minhyun stop in his tracks. _Not yet,_ thought Jonghyun.

"It's no big deal, Jonghyun," Minhyun said, laughing again when Jonghyun breathed a sigh of relief. "Really, just tell me how much you need and I'll forward you the sum. You have my number already?"

"Yeah." Jonghyun couldn't believe it; in the span of a two-hour date that mostly involved awkward talking and heated stares that were going nowhere, he managed to schmooze out the money he needed for four books. Damn.

Minhyun hailed a cab and opened the door for Jonghyun. "And I'll still see you even after you get your books?"

Jonghyun paused at that one. "I…" He bit his lip. _A little honesty wouldn't hurt._ "The original plan was 'no,' mostly dependent on whether or not you were a creep or a catfish."

Minhyun chuckled at that one. "And now?"

"Now…" Jonghyun got inside the cab and smiled up at him. "I'll text you when I'm free. Good night."

Minhyun smiled. "Good night, Jonghyun." And for the rest of the night, Jonghyun couldn't get that voice out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well . i have no explanation ([I DO ACTUALLY](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs/post/353565124))  
> i also have no plans i literally just churned this out because the idea was stuck in my head but uhhh be warned for more badly written flirting and sex in the future  
> also disclaimer: i don't know how these relationships work i'm just trying to write this as healthily as i can imagine
> 
> title from Boa — Always, All Ways (feat. Chancellor)
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	2. Chapter 2

Once again, it all started with Minki and his nosy ass. He raised the suiter with a finger and stared at Jonghyun until he was forced to take off his earphones and to stare back at Minki. "What is this?" He unzipped the bag and gasped. "Holy shit, have you seen what's inside?"

"If I'm not holding it and you are, _probably not,_ " said Jonghyun, now curious about the sudden appearance of this mysterious item that was giving Minki heat flashes. "Where's it from?"

"It was hanging outside our door? It's…" Minki turned around so Jonghyun could reach into it and feel the smooth material of this suit. He pulled it out and held it up against Jonghyun's torso. "This is cashmere, Jonghyun. Like the fancy kind. The _sexy_ kind." He raised an eyebrow. "Did this come from your—"

Jonghyun saw a tiny card in the breast pocket of the coat. _"Good luck! ^^ — M,"_ it said. Jonghyun couldn't help but chuckle and pointedly ignore Minki's knowing smirk.

He and Minhyun had gone out a few times in the past two weeks, mostly to fancy places where Jonghyun felt like a pauper being treated like a prince. He was running out of nice clothes to wear for those meetings, but the additional laundry and advice from Minki was made worth it whenever he saw Minhyun. _God,_ he really lucked out on this one.

Unfortunately for Minhyun, his generosity project recipient was a bit too much of a mess this week, and Jonghyun had the great luck of his worst self being witnessed by Minhyun coincidentally in the middle of the sidewalk. Minhyun looked around him before approaching a sleep-deprived and almost-crying Jonghyun who was lining up for coffee in the middle of winter wearing barely even a coat. "Are you okay?" asked Minhyun, and he had the kindness to drape his coat over Jonghyun's shoulders.

The warmth made Jonghyun sigh, though maybe the sensation of someone's arms around his shoulders helped achieve a similar effect. "I'm— I look like shit, don't I?" Jonghyun chuckled. "Sorry you had to see me like this."

"It's, uh, a refreshing look." Minhyun's laughter was loud against Jonghyun's ear, but the comfort of his presence was more than welcomed. In his exhaustion, Jonghyun didn't even realize that he was being herded into a café, one where Minhyun looked and felt like a regular in. The warmth of the couch nearest to the heater felt like nothing compared to the warmth in Jonghyun's face as Minhyun handed him a cup of coffee and sat beside him with that expression that always made Jonghyun feel as if he were the only person in Minhyun's world. The attention was… flattering but a little discomforting.

Minhyun waited for a little life to return in Jonghyun's eyes before he even attempted to ask again. He cleared his throat. "Hi."

"Hey." Jonghyun bit his lip. "Uh, I usually look better than this."

"I know," said Minhyun with a low voice, and Jonghyun's toes curled as he ignored the shiver that ran up his legs. "Rough day?"

"Yes, and the week's about to get worse." Jonghyun groaned and attempted to bury his face in his hands until he realized that he was holding coffee in one and was gripping a throw pillow in the other. The mental breakdown Minhyun was witnessing in front of him made him laugh again, and Jonghyun had the presence of mind and the saving grace of a sense of humor to laugh it off.

Minhyun leaned back and tilted his head to really look at Jonghyun. "Anything I can do to help?"

Sometimes Jonghyun forgot that this was the nature of their relationship. At the beginning and at the end of it all, Minhyun was here to willingly provide for Jonghyun, and Jonghyun was still having a difficult time wrapping his head around that. "It's, um. It's a presentation. A business presentation."

"Oh!" Minhyun perked up. "I know a bit about pitching ideas. Do you need practice or…?"

Jonghyun laughed and shook his head. "It's a stupid class with stupid requirements, and honestly, everything feels like a joke, but I need the credits."

Minhyun sighed. "Yeah, that's university for you. My time there was pretty shitty too."

"It's not too bad, I guess." Jonghyun took a slow sip. "Also, you make yourself sound like you're thirty."

That made Minhyun laugh a little too loud, but Jonghyun found himself giggling along. "I'm not _that_ old."

Jonghyun made a sound of disagreement which got him a light smack on the arm in response. "Try not to use phrases like 'the good old days' or don't refer to people younger than you as 'kids.' It's pretty much a dead giveaway."

The banter was welcomed, and it helped Jonghyun breathe for a while. Even though Minhyun was a pleasant time warp, Jonghyun knew he had things to attend to, details that would drive him crazy until all of this finally ended. Minhyun—the blessed, sensitive person that he was—somehow felt that and tapped Jonghyun's shoulder before he fell asleep on the café couch. "I think you should go."

"I know," mumbled Jonghyun. "God, this presentation's going to be a mess. I don't even have a suit to wear, ugh."

Minhyun paused. "I think I know someone who might be able to help you with that."

"No thanks," said Jonghyun, too lethargic to even notice how Minhyun bristled at his quick rejection. "I probably don't even have the money to pay for the downpayment of any ugly ass rented suit."

"Jonghyun," Minhyun said softly. Jonghyun could hear the smirk in that voice, and he sighed as he knew what Minhyun was trying to say. He leaned into Jonghyun's line of sight and squeezed Jonghyun's arm quickly. "Don't resist! I told you I'd give you all you wanted and needed, right?"

"You don't _have_ to," Jonghyun said with a bit of a pout. Jonghyun knew that rejecting Minhyun like this was a little… ungrateful of him. And when it came down to it, what would their 'relationship' really be about if they didn't have that give-and-take aspect mixed into everything? It's not like Jonghyun had anything to be proud of, and he did walk into this arrangement knowing that this was what he was going to get. Maybe Jonghyun should just keep his mouth shut from now and enjoy this while Minhyun was still intent on giving.

 _"I will,"_ said Minhyun, and he started typing on his phone. Jonghyun's phone buzzed within the next few seconds. "That was me. That guy's address is near your university; go pay him a visit and tell him I sent you."

"Is that name supposed to hold weight?" Jonghyun teased, and the indignant huff he got in response was worth the brief moment of anxiety as he didn't know how Minhyun was going to respond. With hesitation and the brightest smile he could muster, Jonghyun reached out and squeezed Minhyun's arm. "Thank you, Minhyun."

As they walked towards the bus stop, Jonghyun could sense how Minhyun was always one step behind him, close enough to feel but still so far away. Jonghyun should have felt uncomfortable with this situation, but in the span of the two weeks that they had known each other, Jonghyun knew at least one thing about Minhyun: he was going to keep Jonghyun safe, comfortable. He could only do so much, but keeping that distance between them made the exchange easier between them if it meant not attaching any meaning to what they would offer or accept.

"You know," Minhyun said out of nowhere, "you never call me 'hyung'."

That made Jonghyun stop, and an amused smile graced his face. As he turned to look at Minhyun, he was surprised to see it mirrored on Minhyun's expression. "You never told me you wanted me to call you that."

"Well, I thought it was a naturally polite thing to do." Minhyun was sulking now, and Jonghyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes playfully. Jonghyun refused to pay attention to him until they reached the stop and Jonghyun leaned on the pole before the bus arrived. Minhyun stared at him, arms crossed in front of his chest. The exasperation on both their faces made the staredown seem more serious than it actually was.

Jonghyun sighed. _"Hyung,"_ Minhyun finally beamed at him and coughed as the bus pulled over beside them, "I have to go."

"Get home safe," said Minhyun, sweet as always with the usual dose of distance that was starting to really gnaw at Jonghyun. Jonghyun walked backwards slowly, almost savoring the way Minhyun's smile slowly grew as Jonghyun stumbled his way to the door of the bus. Belatedly, Jonghyun's eyes widened as he gripped the lapels of the giant coat he was wearing. Minhyun just shook his head and waved him away.

"Keep it," said Minhyun, yelling slightly over the engine of the bus. 'It looks good on you,' Jonghyun thought he saw Minhyun mouthing before he got on the bus.

When he got home that night, he pointedly ignored Minki's usual leering whenever he collapsed on his bed with the prettiest blush and the vehement refusal to talk about why he was smiling so much. "Nice coat you got there," Minki whispered as he climbed on top of Jonghyun and his pile of blankets. "Looks fancy enough to pay for half of our rent for the semester."

"You're exaggerating," said Jonghyun, and he swiped at Minki's hands when they attempted to pry it off his body. "Go away."

"Not until you tell me more about your daddy." Jonghyun cringed _hard,_ and Minki couldn't help but snort at that reaction. "I seriously can't believe you pushed through with that."

Jonghyun sat up, indignation on his face. "You _made_ it for me."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually respond," Minki said, ignoring how Jonghyun glared at him. "Don't worry; I'm happy for you! You're really living the dream, buddy."

'Living the dream,' by Choi Minki's definition, meant tolerating his constant scrutiny by constantly going out with—you guessed it right—the man that Minki was scrutinizing him for. It wasn't like Minki was actually judging him; it was more of an active effort to figure out exactly why Kim Jonghyun, who was more afraid of change and new things than anything else, was suddenly willing to do this very out-of-the-box thing and was suddenly _very_ into it.

As Minki held the suit up, he knew why. "This guy must be really, really loaded. Didn't you just get fitted a few days ago?"

"Yeah, his tailor must be really good." Jonghyun groaned. "I wonder how much that was supposed to cost."

Minki shook his head and tossed the suiter at Jonghyun's head. In his panic, Jonghyun spread himself out to catch it and cradle the precious, likely extremely expensive suit in his arms. "Jonghyun, the point of this entire exercise is for you to _not care._ If your daddy says he'll take care of it, then he'll take care of it. Done deal. Enjoy your time!"

Jonghyun still bristled at that word. "Please don't say—"

"What?" Minki picked up on his issue instantly. "Are you afraid to call him your—"

" _Please, Minki._ I'd like to go through this with most of my dignity intact," said Jonghyun. "Besides… I don't think that's what he's into."

Minki perked up. "Oh? So what does he like?"

"He likes it when I call him…" Jonghyun leaned in, eyes bright and voice low, _"hyung_."

_"Oh, gross!"_

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun didn't know why he was doing this. At the very least, Minki wasn't at home so no one was here to judge him for doing this except… except for himself probably.

So what was the right angle for a full body shot anyway? His friends always made fun of his singular angle when taking selfies, but it wasn't his fault that he knew his angle and worked well with it! Or… there was an angle, and he knew it. Its quality was subjective— but that's _not important!_ Showing off the perfection of this suit was the real priority here.

He settled for a standard shot facing the mirror, knowing that standing sideways wouldn't be worth anything since he didn't have an ass to show anyway. Jonghyun was stuck on the attached message. Was he supposed to be flirty? Was this technically considered sexting— well, he wasn't doing it an attempt to be seductive. Their relationship didn't even involve sex… for now.

 _Oh shit._ That was a dangerous thought, and Jonghyun didn't want to go into it. The point of this was expressing his gratitude… he would leave it at that.

 _"It's a perfect fit. Wish me luck!"_ Sent. Immediately regretted.

Jonghyun couldn't even look at his phone until after his presentation. He was shaking all over, but he managed to make it through. Jonghyun was at least proud of himself for not fucking up too terribly, and he was almost skipping out of that classroom as soon as they were dismissed. He pulled up his phone and grinned at the notification.

_"You look great. I'm sure you'll do great. Let's celebrate later? :)"_

Jonghyun sighed; he really needed to orient Minhyun on the use of emojis and not emoticons that slowly became more and more cryptic over the years. Still, he was tired but totally willing to go out. _"Okay! Can we go somewhere casual though? I want to take off this suit haha"_

He only realized how suggestive that sounded until after he sent the text, but hopefully, Minhyun wouldn't comment on it. _"Sure. You want to watch a movie? I'll dress down if you really want it to be more casual."_

The thought of Minhyun, who was usually in a suit or at least something more decent looking than Jonghyun's college drab outfits, looking like someone Jonghyun was actually worthy of hanging out with was an interesting thought. _"Yeah please."_

Jonghyun arrived at the cinema panting with exertion as he got caught up in traffic. Minhyun greeted him with wide eyes and two buckets of popcorn. "Hey. You okay?"

"Ugh, sorry I was almost late." Jonghyun smiled at Minhyun's idea of casual, which was still his usual button up shirt but at least with a hoodie over it. _Cute,_ Jonghyun thought, but he squashed that under the knowledge that Minhyun was cute by default. Jonghyun tugged on Minhyun's sleeve. "Come on, we'll miss the trailers."

"Alright, alright," said Minhyun, smiling at Jonghyun's sudden enthusiasm. This was an upgrade from the walking corpse he saw a few days ago. "I'm sorry for not replying immediately earlier, by the way. I was in the middle of a meeting and all."

Jonghyun bit his lip. "Shit, I'm sorry for distracting you at work. I should probably… not do that anymore."

"No!" Minhyun said suddenly, and the force of it made Jonghyun jump up and for some of his popcorn to fall out. Minhyun cleared his throat as they walked into the cinema and took their seats, both of them not meeting each other's eyes. "I, uh… I needed that actually. To keep me awake." Jonghyun chuckled at the thought of Minhyun falling asleep during a meeting and suddenly being brought to life by his awkward picture. "Thank you for that."

Jonghyun was glad that the lights were dim enough to hide his stupid blush. "Um, what are we watching again?"

"A musical," said Minhyun. He pulled out his phone with a browser full of tabs about reviews and easter eggs and improvised sheet music. _So Minhyun was a music nerd, huh?_ "I hope that's okay."

"Hey, if you like it, I'll like it. Probably." Jonghyun smiled at Minhyun's enthusiasm, but that was disrupted by his sudden shivering. "Can I borrow your hoodie?"

"Sure," Minhyun said absentmindedly, peeling off the hoodie and trying not to raise his arms too much to not disturb the people watching behind them. Jonghyun sighed as he put it on and basked in Minhyun's lingering warmth surrounding him. "Okay, honestly, this is my second time watching this, but I loved it so much and I really think you'll be able to appreciate all the…"

Really, Jonghyun tried to pay attention, but something about the coolness of the seats and the warmth of Minhyun's hoodie and the beautiful colors on screen and the jazz music that was playing and the constant lull of Minhyun's voice whispering comments into Jonghyun's ear as they watched just… created the perfect conditions for Jonghyun to fall into a beautifully deep sleep.

He didn't even realize how tired he was until Minhyun woke him up with an amused smile and a paper bag with the popcorn he wasn't able to eat. "Good movie, huh?" Jonghyun wiped his face as he took the bag with a growing blush. Before he could apologize for wasting Minhyun's money to find a place to nap, Minhyun shook his head and pulled Jonghyun closer by the shoulders as they walked out. Jonghyun looked at his hand oddly before he realized that it was for his own good; apparently the two-hour nap made his legs into walking jelly. He probably should have known better.

Jonghyun was still groggy as Minhyun handed him another paper bag, this time with a burger meal and a borderline _fond_ smile. "You haven't had dinner, have you? Go home, eat, and get some rest. You need it."

"Thank you," Jonghyun said softly. "I feel really bad for passing out like that—"

"And that entitles me to another movie date, doesn't it?" Minhyun grinned at Jonghyun's blank expression. "Next time, you'll be forced to listen to my play-by-play commentary."

"I will… attempt to participate," said Jonghyun. He paused when he saw that they were already by the bus stop and Minhyun was walking backwards again, as they did the last time. It was starting to be a familiar feeling, that warmth that Minhyun gave him. Jonghyun felt stupid for finding so much comfort just by being taken care of by someone who was essentially a stranger. Tonight was a little different though; he found out that Minhyun liked music and talking during movies. The former was cute and the latter was annoying, but Jonghyun was willing to put up with that. Maybe.

Speaking of warmth… "Hey, I have to give back your—"

"Jonghyun, keep it," said Minhyun, that sweetness dripping from his tone yet again. Was he ever going to stop making Jonghyun feel like a child that was being patronized? Maybe that was the nature of their relationship. "It's cuter on you."

"Thank you," Jonghyun paused for a second, not knowing if he wanted to continue with this, _"hyung."_

Minhyun stiffened, and the laughter that bubbled from Jonghyun's chest just made his discomfort even more obvious. "Stop making it into a weird thing."

"Five years isn't even that big; it wouldn't have been weird if you didn't make it weird in the first place," said Jonghyun. Somehow teasing Minhyun just brought him the greatest joy. Minhyun stepped forward and reached out to ruffle his hair, making his post-nap bed head even worse. Minhyun's finger lingered on his jaw, and Jonghyun felt himself tilting his head at the touch.

A strange moment of silence passed by them. "Get home safe, kid." Then he left, and Jonghyun exhaled when he finally felt his heartbeat come down after almost barrelling straight out of his chest with that slightest touch.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun didn't know how this happened. His closet of plaid shirts and a plethora of long sleeves slowly got filled up by Minhyun's little "gifts" for him: formal clothes for special events, branded things that made Jonghyun look like he was worth something, and whole ass collections of _more_ plaid shirts and hoodies that Minhyun initially didn't want to get for him but was forced to by Jonghyun's little smile and how it grew when he finally agreed to it.

Well, maybe he did know how it happened, but he certainly didn't know why it became his habit to take pictures of himself wearing those same gifts and to send them to Minhyun with little 'thank you' captions attached to his gallery of photos with the same angle. Minhyun seemed to appreciate it, and Jonghyun was glad that he quickly picked up on the emoji language lessons that Jonghyun gave him. Next course would involve chat stickers, though that probably required more work.

"You were done with the shower ten minutes ago! Get out!" Minki banged on the bathroom door, and Jonghyun's mortification was caught on camera as a cute expression of shock that was _amazingly_ still in Jonghyun's usual pose. _Oh well._

"I'm almost done! Just wait!" Jonghyun yelled back as he sent the picture with a caption of, _"I said I liked your style, but not in your size! It's still cute though, thank you."_

Jonghyun looked at himself in the mirror again. Minhyun liked wearing these giant shirts that looked really good with his broad shoulders, but on Jonghyun, he just looked like he was drowning in fabric. He couldn't even wait for a response before Minki started breaking the bathroom door again in his urgency to piss.

Little did Jonghyun know, he caused Minhyun to momentarily short circuit in the middle of a meeting again, the third time this week that Jonghyun sent him a picture at the perfect time for his assistant to look up at his dazed smile and poke his side with a pen to keep him from floating away. "What's with you?" Aron asked after the meeting. "Is this… that _thing_ you've been doing? Or," he snickered, "that _person_ perhaps?"

Minhyun hit his head with the corner of his phone. Aron yelped and threatened to call human resources on him, but Minhyun threatened to reveal how he had been using the company studios to record and to film audition tapes of himself for other companies. _"You're too old to be a trainee, Aron,"_ Minhyun had said once, and he remembered having to hold Aron's head as he held back tears on the couch of Minhyun's office. It was a running joke now, but Minhyun knew that Aron was unlikely to give up on that dream any time soon. His intern-slash-almost-permanent-assistant was a little goofy, but he was a great kid.

He was also easy to shut up, especially after the fourth package this week that Minhyun asked Aron to leave on a doorstep. " _This_ guy again? Do you not interact with other sugar babies?"

"Ugh, don't use those terms," grumbled Minhyun. "You make it sound worse than it is."

"It's not a bad thing," said Aron. "Aren't you glad you went through with my suggestion though? I'm sure it's been _fun_."

Minhyun replied to Aron's wink with another smack on the head. "Nothing has happened, okay? Will you ever learn to shut up? Just… go send that. And _don't_ get caught."

Aron peeked into the nondescript paper bag. "Holy shit, this is branded as fuck. You're really spoiling him, huh?" At Minhyun's refusal to respond, Aron decided to risk his job by prying just a little more. "Can you at least tell me if he's hot?"

Minhyun paused as his phone alerted him of another picture of Jonghyun, this time sitting across the camera and shivering as he wore that outfit in the middle of winter without a coat _again,_ as if Minhyun didn't just buy him two more overcoats in the past week. He was so helpless, but also…

"Totally hot. Very much worth all the damn things I'm buying him." Minhyun realized that Aron was raising his eyebrows at him not because of any particular heat or seduction in his tone but because of the fond smile that he couldn't hold back. "Okay, enough gossip. _Go._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me a while!!! stuff happened haha but glucose guardian fic is back and it's rly ……… fluffy
> 
> aron is still two years older than the other boys here, so minhyun is old enough to be his boss   
> also the movie they watched was la la land bc …… it's pretty but it's nice to fall asleep to IM SORRY
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	3. Chapter 3

"Take two?"

"Yes, and this time, I _swear_ you have my full attention," said Jonghyun, almost burying his face in his bag of popcorn— but _this time,_ it won't be because he passed out in the middle of their movie… date. It's a date. _Fuck._

Jonghyun groaned when he saw the poster of the movie they were watching _again._ "Minhyun, is this not your third time watching this?"

"Fourth, actually," he laughed a bit, "but that only enriches my analysis, which will be the subject of our discussion for tonight—"

"Kill me," mumbled Jonghyun, but he hid his face behind his popcorn when he saw the mock-hurt on Minhyun's face. "Fine. I'll listen."

"Thank you," said Minhyun. He was wrapped up in a big scarf today, claiming that his face was too puffy, but Jonghyun still found himself staring at his eyes that were peeking out from the wool, so sharp and bright. They were smiling at Jonghyun, and Jonghyun didn't even notice that the lights were already dimmed down until Minhyun squeezed his arm and told him to pay attention to the trailers.

Jonghyun found it awfully sweet that Minhyun was willing to do this, though Minhyun should have been grateful that Jonghyun didn't care enough about what they were actually going to watch. After a stressful week, one that was a little bit more bearable because of Minhyun's help, Jonghyun finally managed to call Minhyun up to pay him back for falling asleep that _one time._ Jonghyun thought Minhyun would tell him to forget about it or cash it in somewhere else but… well, Jonghyun couldn't fault Minhyun's consistency.

He also couldn't fault Minhyun for being so damn attentive, even more so than usual. Jonghyun found himself leaning towards his side, against a warm body that was quietly whispering color theory observations in his ear until Jonghyun felt himself falling asleep again.

Jonghyun woke up with a jolt, an embarrassed blush climbing up his neck as Minhyun's unimpressed expression was clear in the darkness of the cinema. "Did I miss anything?" Jonghyun whispered, and he curled up and winced when Minhyun squeezed his shoulder from where his hand was resting. He must have held Jonghyun up by the shoulders as he slept to keep him from falling over; again, _very embarrassing,_ but much appreciated.

"Only the best part!" Minhyun exclaimed in whispers, eyes livid but still smiling. There was unspoken forgiveness in the way he pulled Jonghyun back to his seat and allowed Jonghyun to lean on him, ignoring how the arm rest between them was digging into his waist. "Stop falling asleep," Minhyun whispered into Jonghyun's ear, nose bumping against his earlobe and making him jump up with the shiver that ran down his spine, "or I might have to demand for a take three with you."

Surprisingly emboldened, Jonghyun looked up at him, complete with fluttering eyelashes and a grin that he knew would make Minhyun melt and sigh in exasperation. "But you'd like that, wouldn't you?" He had a lip between his teeth and a hand on Minhyun's thigh which he _honestly_ didn't know was even there until he felt Minhyun tense up from under his palm.

"I would, yes, but we're also in public," Minhyun mumbled, gently taking Jonghyun's hand off his thigh.

At that moment, every bit of courage in Jonghyun's body fizzled out and his eyes widened as he attempted to look anywhere else but Minhyun. "I— I didn't mean—" He cleared his throat. "I will watch the movie now."

"Yes, _finally_." Minhyun chuckled, voice too low and too damn close to his ear. Jonghyun sighed and allowed Minhyun's arm to stay around his shoulders as he finally attempted to watch this movie properly. As much as Jonghyun was still bored out of his mind, he was way too distracted by Minhyun's sudden lack of commentary and all the small movements he made, like how his fingers traced patterns on Jonghyun's arm that he could still feel past his hoodie or how he hummed to the songs and the instrumentals all throughout the film. _What a nerd._

"Wasn't that absolutely beautiful?" asked Minhyun as they threw their trash and walked out of the cinema. "The cinematography, the acting, the music, the message— wow, I think I could never get sick of this movie." Minhyun paused. "Do you want to indulge me on my fifth viewing—"

"Absolutely _not,_ " said Jonghyun, and he only laughed and dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat when Minhyun faced him with a disappointed pout, one that absolutely had _no effect_ on Jonghyun whatsoever. Definitely didn't make him feel warm or powerful or anything, no.

"You need to diversify your movie taste, hyung," said Jonghyun, ignoring Minhyun's indignant squeak as Jonghyun teased him with that again. "Next time we do this, _I'll_ pick our movie."

"By 'diversify,' you just mean anime, right?" Minhyun crossed his arms in front of his chest, daring Jonghyun to try and weasel his way out of this accusation. Not that he was wrong or anything—he was absolutely right—but Jonghyun didn't expect Minhyun to know him this well. Minhyun must have picked up on that confusion. "What? You think I didn't read your profile in the app?"

 _Oh._ That made more sense. "I don't know what my roommate put in there," Jonghyun grumbled. "Was there anything else more embarrassing than that?"

"He, uh," Minhyun rubbed the tip of his nose awkwardly, "he left a wink emoji in the sex portion of the questionnaire."

Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut and vowed to all the gods up there that he would murder Minki one day. "That was definitely not my idea."

"I see that now," Minhyun said dryly. He pulled his scarf back up and snickered into it, expertly dodging how Jonghyun would try to bump into him as they walked aimlessly. The bus stop was in the opposite direction, but Jonghyun didn't mind taking a longer route if that was where this night was headed.

"You know," said Minhyun as he took off his scarf, "I bought a console a while back and had it set up, but I never really get to use it." He placed the oversized scarf around Jonghyun's shoulders and stopped him by tugging on both ends. They were in a quieter part of the area now, and Minhyun comfortably pulled Jonghyun closer to wrap him up in the wool. "Do you want to come up to my apartment? We're actually walking towards that direction right now."

Jonghyun looked back on the events of this night. Minhyun had picked him up from his last class after Jonghyun texted him from under a notebook to ask if he was free to take that make-up movie date. Minhyun teased him about falling asleep all throughout their bus ride to the cinema they always went to, and Jonghyun rolled his eyes and scrunched his nose and attempted to drown out Minhyun and his incessant talking. Minhyun bought him dinner as usual, paid for his tickets as always, and kept him close with a hand on his shoulder or on the small of his back or with his burning eyes and the way they called Jonghyun to come closer, and Jonghyun was starting to expect that from their little dates now. There was flirting from both sides and teasing smiles and things that were honestly pointing to this direction.

So _maybe_ the trajectory of this night really was about to head here; Jonghyun should have seen it coming. But even if he did…

"I, uh…" Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut again and tried not to think of how this scarf was wrapping him in the subtle scent of Minhyun that he always sensed when he would fall asleep on him. "I'm not sure— or I don't think I'm ready for—"

Minhyun's eyes widened as he realized what made Jonghyun hesitate so much. With an apologetic gaze and hands that gently hovered over Jonghyun's arms instead of squeezing lightly as he was used to doing, he shook his head and smiled. "Jonghyun, I wasn't thinking of doing anything like _that,_ don't worry." His warm laugh and the way his shoulders just dropped made Jonghyun relax and gave Minhyun the permission to touch Jonghyun again and ground him back to reality. "Your profile said you liked video games, or was that your roommate's doing?"

"It's true," Jonghyun said with a breathy quality to his voice that betrayed his relief. When he opened his eyes again, Minhyun was still smiling at him, and Jonghyun wrapped the scarf around his neck to inhale Minhyun's scent deeply. "I'd love to, actually."

This time, it was Minhyun's turn to show his relief. "Oh, good. Don't— don't think that I'd ever pressure you into something like that, okay?"

Jonghyun made a small sound at the back of his throat when Minhyun placed his arm over his shoulders and pressed their sides together to share warmth as they walked towards Minhyun's apartment. "I know you wouldn't," Jonghyun said, quiet enough that he hoped Minhyun wouldn't hear it.

He certainly did, and Jonghyun saw that in the shy grin on his face as they walked into his fancy apartment building's lobby and got into the elevator together. Jonghyun's eyes widened as Minhyun pressed the button for the penthouse apartment, and the doors opened to reveal… _wow._ Jonghyun _really_ lucked out on this guy, huh?

 "Damn," Jonghyun whispered as he took off his shoes, "this place is beautiful." He walked towards the floor to ceiling windows that framed a view of the city from so high up. Jonghyun felt himself smiling. "You seriously live here?"

"I do." Minhyun smiled and stood behind Jonghyun, rocking back and forth on his feet until Jonghyun decided that he was done with the view. "You want a quick tour?" Jonghyun nodded and walked with Minhyun. "This is the bedroom, guest bathroom, guest bedroom, study, studio—"

"Oh, so you're not _just_ a music nerd?" asked Jonghyun, and he received laughter in response.

"Mostly just a nerd, to be honest," said Minhyun, and before Jonghyun could even open the door to see how this studio looked, Minhyun tugged him towards another room. "This is the den."

Jonghyun whistled when he saw the giant TV and sound system that surrounded an almost untouched console in the center of the room. It was lined with games of all kinds, some of them almost impossible to find in Korea already. "Holy shit," Jonghyun whispered, "I feel like I should start praying to this altar or something."

Minhyun chuckled and sat back on the couch. "Help yourself. I rarely get to touch this thing."

"What a waste of beautiful machinery!" said Jonghyun, sparkling eyes now going through Minhyun's collection. "Okay, both of us _definitely_ have to try this game out."

Minhyun eyed the box cover carefully. "Isn't this a horror game?"

Jonghyun scoffed and booted the console. "It's horror for losers, hyung. I _think_ you can handle it." The challenge was loud and clear in his voice, and Minhyun picked up the gauntlet as Jonghyun offered him the other controller. "That's more like it."

It took them fifteen minutes of gameplay before Minhyun groaned in frustration for the sixth time and put down his controller to give Jonghyun full control of the character. "I'm done, I give up, I hate this game—"

Jonghyun tossed a throw pillow at his face as he laughed and attempted to save their dying character, cursing under his breath when he missed the cue to press a button again. "Fuck! Fuck it! I'm done, I hate this game too, I regret picking it up—"

"We should have just gotten an easier difficulty," Minhyun mumbled, kicking the controller out of the way. "I'm burning this game, by the way."

"Don't!" Jonghyun said, lightly slapping Minhyun's shoulder. "Games are expensive! Also… there is no difficulty setting. We just suck."

Minhyun's incredulous expression made Jonghyun laugh, stomach aching at how helpless Minhyun looked at the moment. When he finally calmed down, he felt Minhyun's little giggles come to a stop too. Jonghyun was lying on his side, arm resting over the back of the couch. Minhyun's eyes were soft, softer than usual. "You're just pretending to be bad at this game so you can be on my level." He paused. "My level of badness."

Jonghyun chuckled. "How did you see through me that easily?" He still had some leftover laughter bubbling from his chest though his breath hitched when Minhyun leaned ever so slightly closer.

"I just had a feeling." Minhyun's breath was warm against the tip of Jonghyun's nose, and a part of Jonghyun wasn't afraid of this intimacy. A part of him _craved_ it, wanted Minhyun to lean closer until Jonghyun could feel the skin of his cheek against his nose and his breath fanning over his lips and his thumb on Jonghyun's chin and—

"It's getting late," Minhyun said suddenly, though his voice was still too quiet and his face was still too close for Jonghyun to assume that their night was going to end just like this.

"Is it?" asked Jonghyun, not wanting to break eye contact for once. Minhyun had that habit, and Jonghyun often hated it; right now, he was bolder than ever, throat bobbing up and down as he swallowed back the lump that made his voice croak the slightest bit. Without looking down, he could feel Minhyun's hand hovering over his shirt. Jonghyun lowered his lids and tilted his head back, and Minhyun took that as a sign to press shaky fingers against the center of Jonghyun's chest.

"I promise you, I didn't intend for this to happen, really." He wasn't smiling which was honestly odd. That little detail made Jonghyun's breath hitch again, and he knew his breaths were coming in erratically by the time Minhyun's hand slowly slid up and cupped his neck. Jonghyun tilted his head back even further, but a gentle press of Minhyun's fingers against the back of his head pulled him back up, nose now brushing against Minhyun's.

"Did you really?" answered Jonghyun, and in response, he received the smile that he had been looking for and a taste of a kiss pressed against his chin. It made Jonghyun groan low in the back of his throat, expecting more and receiving teasing eyes that were a little too bright and a little too close for comfort. Then again, there was nothing comfortable about temptation lying just a millimeter away, filling him with warmth that he wanted to dive into.

"Stop talking," Minhyun mumbled before he prevented any of Jonghyun's teasing retorts with his lips over Jonghyun's— _finally._

At first, Jonghyun didn't know why he couldn't respond. It wasn't shock, _no;_ he saw this coming and he wanted it. Maybe the only thing that held him back from gripping Minhyun's shirt and crushing their lips together as he had honestly wanted for the past few weeks was the raw sensation of Minhyun's lips trembling against Jonghyun's as he made that first move. It was the thought that Minhyun was hesitant too, that he wasn't just roping Jonghyun into this without some vulnerability of his own.

As Jonghyun processed that, he was able to fight back with his own trembling lips and a hand that wandered up Minhyun's chest until he could grip Minhyun's shoulder to have something to hold on to while Minhyun ushered him backwards with a hand on the small of his back and a smile against the underside of his jaw.

"So…" Minhyun cleared his throat as he settled in the space between Jonghyun's legs. Jonghyun hooked one around his hips and pulled him closer until Jonghyun could tangle his fingers in Minhyun's hair and sigh against his forehead.

"You told me to stop talking, right?" Minhyun could already feel the headache starting to form as he nodded and Jonghyun responded with another one of those wicked grins. "Okay. Well, _hyung,_ " he pulled him down even closer and pressed his lips against Minhyun's ear, "let's shut up for a while, yeah?"

He met Minhyun's groan with another kiss, this time a little louder with how Jonghyun held back his moans when Minhyun's hands started wandering and met the skin of his waist peeking out from under his shirt. This started a vicious cycle of hot skin meeting and pressing against each other until the contact made one of them crack, whimpers loud in their ears despite the furious beating of their blood.

Jonghyun could feel his control slipping as Minhyun struggled to keep his. He felt it as Minhyun's tongue swiped over his bottom lip briefly, just enough for Jonghyun to want the smallest taste, and even from behind his eyelids, Jonghyun's eyes rolled back and his hips canted forward. Minhyun held him by the belt loops and pulled away; his shaky breaths were evident as Jonghyun's hand lied flat and spread its fingers against his heart.

"God, Jonghyun, you're so—" Minhyun mumbled, and before he could continue, he was attacked by the urge to trace his lips on Jonghyun's jaw, mouth stopping below his ear. "I just want to spoil you _rotten._ "

That was enough for Jonghyun to laugh the slightest bit and cup Minhyun's face, fingers wandering up to tangle themselves in Minhyun's hair again, now pulling hard enough for Minhyun to groan as their lips met again and again and again and—

Jonghyun didn't know how long they were on that couch, how many sighs and whispers of Minhyun's name he released into the air whenever Minhyun gave him the opportunity to breathe. He failed to count how many times he resisted the temptation to dig into the skin of Minhyun's back with his fingers, to leave the slightest marks with his nails, to leave something more tangible with Minhyun other than the memory of how easily he made Jonghyun melt under his touch.

If he were to be honest with himself, Jonghyun could probably spend all night there, lips swollen and hands growing bolder and bolder each time they dived back into each other's touch. If he could, he probably would have stayed in that little bubble for as long as he could draw out those moans from Minhyun's lips, released and muffled against Jonghyun's skin. And maybe, if Minki hadn't been an asshole—or more accurately, a kind and concerned roommate—Jonghyun would have spent the night right then and there, no further questions or hesitations.

Minhyun groaned against Jonghyun's neck when his phone started ringing on the coffee table. They took a moment to catch their breath before Jonghyun was hit with the sudden urge to laugh, still breathless and winded from that, uh, pretty intense gaming session. _Yeah, right._

Jonghyun cupped Minhyun's cheek and smiled at how he scrunched his nose as he panted, so damn _exhausted_ that if Jonghyun didn't know better, he'd think Minhyun went out running and collapsed on this couch with him. When Jonghyun pulled him in for just a quick taste again, it almost seemed as if Jonghyun's special ringtone for Minki became _louder,_ even more obnoxious in the silence that was supposed to only be occupied by the rough breathing of the two lying on that couch for the past… twenty minutes, according to the clock on the wall.

"You should pick that up," Minhyun mumbled, lips barely moving as they found their place on Jonghyun's collarbone.

"I know, I know," Jonghyun whined before reaching out and swatting at Minhyun's big head to stop him from making Jonghyun giggle. He took a deep breath before picking up the phone. "Minki, what's—"

 _"Where are you? You're going to miss the last train!"_ Minki yelled from the other end of the line. _"I've been calling and texting all night. You said you were just watching a movie; I thought you got kidnapped already or something."_

Jonghyun groaned and held his phone farther from his ear. He was _not_ in the mood for Minki's much-appreciated concern; he'd rather get on the thing that was lying on top of him right now, but enough of that! "I'm taking the bus, Minki. I'll be home soon. _Bye._ "

Minhyun sat up and went back to his original position on the couch, casually attempting to position himself as far away from the situation that he left Jonghyun in. Jonghyun touched his lips and laughed. "Wow. No amount of lip care could have prepared me for _that,_ huh?"

Minhyun snorted, ungraceful and by surprise to all parties. Jonghyun replied with a giggle, one that bloomed and burst when he saw Minhyun holding back his laughter by squeezing his eyes shut, as if avoiding the sight of Jonghyun and what they just did was going to stop the bark of laughter that Jonghyun was starting to appreciate more and more nowadays. They sat on that couch and laughed until their lungs burned—or burned even _more_ —and Jonghyun was wheezing by the time they both calmed down again.

He was in Minhyun's arms again, face buried in the crook of his neck. Jonghyun tilted his head up and nosed against the underside of Minhyun's jaw, eyes wide and bright as he pulled back and saw Minhyun biting his well-bitten lips again. "I should go," said Jonghyun.

"Can't miss that bus," said Minhyun, though his hand was holding Jonghyun's chin again to dive down for another kiss. It was Jonghyun who was able to turn his head to the side and laugh as he heard Minhyun whining against his cheek. "We'll talk later."

"We should," Jonghyun whispered, and though it took him another two minutes before he managed to peel himself off Minhyun, he was proud of himself for even managing to stand up after all that. He was looking for his coat and shoes by the front door when he felt a presence behind him and arms winding around his waist.

"I should walk you to the bus stop," Minhyun mumbled in his ear. Jonghyun turned around and pressed his palms against Minhyun's shoulders before moving to cup the sides of his neck and allowing Minhyun to lean in and brush their noses against each other.

"I'd love that, but I honestly might not be able to keep my hands off you right now." Jonghyun's embarrassed smile was enough for Minhyun to back off and to lean against… something. His attempt to be casual and charming backfired horribly as the shelf threatened to topple over and he was stuck with shoes all over the floor and Jonghyun holding back his laughter _once again_. Minhyun was _really_ on a roll tonight.

"I'll leave that to you." Jonghyun patted Minhyun's cheeks and decided against sharing a parting kiss; something told him that would just cause another set of delays. "Good night, hyung."

Minhyun scrunched his nose. "Really?"

"Yeah, sorry, that was bound to stick eventually." He grinned as he unlocked the door and walked out into a very empty hallway. Right, penthouse. After that make out session, Jonghyun really, _truly_ believed that he lucked out on this guy. _Thanks, Minki._

Before the elevator doors reached the level, Jonghyun heard the door behind him open. "Jonghyun!" Minhyun called out. "My scarf!"

Jonghyun looked down and saw that, _oh,_ apparently he _was_ wearing Minhyun's scarf. Still, the way it wrapped Jonghyun in Minhyun's scent was… different now. A little stronger, a little sweeter. "I think I'll keep this one," Jonghyun yelled back as the elevator doors opened.

"That's my favorite!" Minhyun whined.

"Thank you then!" Jonghyun smiled and wiggled his fingers at Minhyun until the doors closed and he was stuck with the brightest grin, one that stuck to him for the rest of the night. They… would talk. Eventually.

For now, Jonghyun was going to enjoy the way the wool of Minhyun's scarf brushed against his lips whenever he pulled it up and how he could still feel Minhyun all over him, all around. _God,_ he was being spoiled with this night, and he was damn grateful for it.

 

 

———

 

 

Many things were bizarre about the next morning, starting with waking up to Minki yelling at an obscene volume at eight AM, to finding himself surrounded by tube after tube of lip balm on his bed as Minki poured the contents of the mysterious box left on their front door. It took Jonghyun a few seconds to get his bearings before Minki handed him the note that was on the bottom of the box.

_"To prepare you for next time. Text me when you want to have dinner. — M"_

"Jonghyun," Minki wiped away a nonexistent tear from his eyes, "I have never been prouder of you my entire life, but also…" Minki motioned towards the tubes of lip balm that were now rolling off the edge of Jonghyun's bed, "you're cleaning this up. On your own. I hope it was worth it."

Jonghyun reached out and squeezed Minki's wrist. "It was _very much_ worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehhe  
> idk how i ended up writing this whole chapter in one day…… maybe 2hyun making out gave me a great burst of inspiration??  
> anyway i hope y'all enjoy the fluff!!! this was honestly so stressful but still fun to write hahaha
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	4. Chapter 4

_We'll talk later. We should. We should talk later. Talking is important. Let's talk. What's there to talk about? There's so much to talk about. Oh god, we need to talk. I should stop running. Talk, talk, talk; let's talk. We'll talk later. When is later? We should. We should talk; we need to—_

"Jonghyun," Minki said softly, peering down at him from the edge of his bed, "are you still alive down there?"

Jonghyun hummed, laid his hands gently over his stomach, and sighed. "Ready for the coffin, Minki."

Minki snorted. "Stop being overdramatic; that's _my_ role. Why are you like this?"

"Because I don't want to talk to Minhyun." Jonghyun closed his eyes and sighed once again. Minhyun had been texting him all week in an attempt to schedule that talk, Jonghyun was content with using school and other unimportant things to avoid meeting with him. Really, what were they going to say to each other? 'Hey, that kiss was really hot; let's fuck!' or worse, 'Hey, that kiss was really hot—' the opening was non-negotiable, '—but it's going to make this weird thing even weirder, so let's not do that again.'

"Are you scared of him?" asked Minki. "By the way, the mango-flavored tube is really good. Moisturizing and tasty! I stole all of them."

"Glad to know that you're enjoying this," Jonghyun mumbled.

"Uh, you do too? I've had to deal with your damn wet dreams all week, Jonghyun; don't lie to yourself."

Jonghyun rolled over and attempted to dig his face into the carpet of their bedroom. He could faintly hear Minhyun's voice in his ear telling him that the floor was dirty and he had to get up, but the thought of that voice triggered other things, like the thought of Minhyun pushing him down even harder and pressing their bodies together, sometimes with clothes in between them and other times with just pure hot skin that made Jonghyun's mouth water and his hips cant forward to feel any sort of stimulation that would ease this damn heat that was coursing through him—

 _"Oh god."_ Jonghyun got up and rushed to the bathroom, hitting his face with cold water and trying to calm himself the fuck down. Minki was right; he couldn't deny that those thoughts had been plaguing his dreams ever since that kiss, but it wasn't like he already wanted to go there with Minhyun. It was… an interesting thought, a hot fantasy, but a _very bad idea._

"Help me get out of this, Minki." Jonghyun glanced at his phone and saw that Minhyun was offering to take him out for dinner again. He was running out of semi-valid excuses. "I'll take anything."

"Uh," Minki groaned, "are you willing to go to a party? Daniel's throwing one tonight, and I'm honestly too lazy to go."

"You? Too lazy?" Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. "Are you sure about this?"

Minki shrugged. "I get tired too! Come on, help yourself. If you're not going to talk about this thing with Minhyun, then at least try to have a good time."

"'A good time' is subjective," Jonghyun groaned, "but I'll try." He stared as his phone for a while, an apology itching to be typed out. What _was_ he supposed to tell Minhyun now? 'Sorry, I'm too scared to face you'? Or maybe a simple, 'Not tonight. Sorry.' The less he said, the less he could be questioned. That was… the best he could do. _Sorry, Minhyun._

 

 

———

 

 

On today's episode of Jonghyun Fucked Up, he didn't realize how bad of an idea it was to go out drinking to avoid serious conversations until he had five glasses of whatever Seongwu gave him, a tongue in his mouth, and the briefest thought of kissing Minhyun's lips instead which promptly gave him the strength to shove off whichever hot girl or guy—drunk Jonghyun could never tell—was on him and run out of the frat house in a drunken haze.

Jonghyun groaned. His thoughts were running a mile a minute, but his hands were so damn _slow,_ so shaky as he attempted to look for Minhyun's number in his recent contacts. Jonghyun hesitated for a moment, but some other drunk ass hit him along the way as he fell forward and fell asleep on the floor, and Jonghyun ended up hitting the call button. Well, _fuck,_ at least it's done.

Which led to the next problem: what the hell was Jonghyun going to say? He lurched forward, bile rising in his throat as he listened to the phone ringing. He went back to his prospects from this morning; was he going to open up with, 'Hey, that kiss was really hot,' the way he had been planning to or was he going to chicken out and use his drunken charisma to get him out of this?

Or he could just hang up before Minhyun picked up. Actually—

 _"Hello?"_ a sleepy voice said from the other end. Minhyun's rough voice sent shivers down Jonghyun's spine, one that ended with a weak whine from Jonghyun. _"Jonghyun, are you okay?"_ Minhyun asked, voice a little clearer and a lot more confused.

Jonghyun's throat dried up. "Hi," he wheezed. The contents of his stomach were doing a little dance as he could hear Minhyun moving around, probably in his bedroom, _probably_ shirtless, _preferably_ naked… "I want to see you." Was he referring to Minhyun naked or just Minhyun in general? Jonghyun didn't actually know.

 _"Something tells me you're drunk,"_ said Minhyun, and even after everything, after Jonghyun continuously blew him off because of how damn scared he was of the possibilities, Minhyun still found it in himself to sound as sweet as ever, not patronizing or condescending in the slightest. If Jonghyun could swoon, he totally would.

"Pick me up, please?" Jonghyun attempted to sound cute, but the alcohol-induced slur in his words kind of ruined it. Actually, a lot of things were ruining the mood at the moment, but the worst factor might be Jonghyun tripping the moment he stepped on the sidewalk and finding comfort on the ground. "Oh, fuck."

 _"Jonghyun!"_ Minhyun sounded concerned, sure, but Jonghyun was just giggling on the ground, he was _fine,_ his ass hurt like hell, but that's _nothing_ — _"Jonghyun, are you still with me? Please, tell me you're okay."_

"I'm okay, Minhyun! I'm fine." Jonghyun managed to hold on to something as he got up from the ground, though his balance hadn't recovered properly from the fall. "I'm… really sleepy…"

Jonghyun heard the sound of an elevator opening from Minhyun's end. _"Jonghyun, I'm going to you. Where are you right now?"_

"Frat house. Party," Jonghyun mumbled. He forgot how he ended up here. Minki? No, he was at home. Hitch a ride with someone? No, Jonghyun didn't have a lot of other friends. Ugh, his head was _throbbing…_ "Bus stop," he finally remembered, and Jonghyun trusted his feet to lead him to the right direction. "Three stations from our usual place." Jonghyun giggled. It was nice to have something that they called _theirs._

 _"Three stations in what direction?"_ Jonghyun heard the sound of a car starting, _ooh, a car._ _"Jonghyun, keep talking to me, okay? Where are you? Describe things. Tell me how you're feeling."_

"To the north end." Jonghyun swallowed back his spit and almost ran to the bus stop, lying down on the heavenly yet hard seats under the waiting shed. Minhyun could find him here; he'd be fine. "I want to see you," Jonghyun mumbled. "I haven't— seen you at all."

 _"And whose fault is that?"_ Jonghyun heard him mumble on the other side. He noticed, oh no! Was Minhyun mad at him? Was he doing this out of obligation? But how could he still sound so sweet, so caring? How could he make Jonghyun feel so protected even from far away?

"Don't talk," Jonghyun grumbled. "It makes me feel sick."

_"Jonghyun, wait. I'm just trying—"_

Jonghyun groaned. "Ugh, stop for a second, okay?" He sat up and rested the side of his head on the pole, hoping that it would help him with how much the world was shaking around him. It didn't, but at least he was able to hold up his phone to his ear now without fear of dropping it on the cold, hard sidewalk. Wouldn't _that_ just be the cherry on top of this shitty night?

"Minhyun," Jonghyun whined, "I'm sorry for avoiding you. I was… being stupid." Jonghyun stopped to laugh at himself, but he was sure that Minhyun was just hearing a series of pained wheezing from his end of the phone. "I'm really dumb; you're a _good guy._ But don't you think this is just so _weird?_ Not that I think you're forcing me into this or anything—" Jonghyun snorted. "Trust me, there are a _lot_ of things I'm willing to do to you— err, with you— _ugh!_ "

Jonghyun put the phone down on his lap and laughed. If Minhyun was still listening, he would probably think that Jonghyun went insane already.He would be partially correct, but he was also partially _responsible._ Even in this drunken state— _especially_ in this drunken state—Jonghyun found his mind wandering back to that night. The thoughts helped keep him warm, especially on cold nights like these.

If only Minki hadn't interrupted them, if only he had put his phone on silent mode, maybe Jonghyun wouldn't be so hung up on all these possibilities. The thought that Minhyun could have slipped a hand under his shirt, drawn out a little whine from Jonghyun's lips, captured that whine in his kiss, gone farther into the night with more lingering touches, gone farther into whatever this relationship was by indulging a little carnal need that Jonghyun just _knew_ they both felt at that moment… it was driving Jonghyun insane.

It was also the common subject of his dreams recently, and he didn't realize that he had already fallen asleep in that bus stop until he woke up to Minhyun's face leaning over him. Jonghyun attempted to smile at him until he realized who he was looking at. _Wait, shit, that's not good—_

"Hey," said Minhyun, sighing as he sat beside Jonghyun. How long was he asleep there? "Get in," he said, motioning to the… very expensive-looking car parked in front of them. Jonghyun gaped a little at it before he stood up with much difficulty and very little help from the man who was still just staring at him with an unreadable expression that Jonghyun chose to take as frustration. Then again, if some university kid had randomly called Jonghyun and asked him to pick him up in the middle of the night, Jonghyun would be annoyed too.

It was when they got in and Minhyun leaned his forehead on the steering wheel in relief that Jonghyun realized: Minhyun was worried _sick._ "You have no idea," Minhyun said as he wiped down his face, "how scared I was that I wouldn't make it in time to you. I thought you'd get knocked out or kidnapped or something; why didn't you just stay inside?"

Jonghyun sighed. He held on to the strap of his seatbelt, avoiding Minhyun's eyes. "I… wanted to see you," he said with a pout, one that Minhyun replied to with a soft chuckle and a smile that Jonghyun really missed.

"I'm taking you home," said Minhyun. He started the car and drove off, yawning every two minutes. They were a little far from Jonghyun's dorm, and Jonghyun was sober enough to at least _feel bad._ "Before you apologize," Minhyun said out of nowhere, probably having read the mood, "I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm glad you called me because I have a car and I can take care of you." Minhyun briefly looked at him while waiting at an empty stoplight. "I want to take care of you."

Something about the low rumble in his voice made that spark flare up in Jonghyun's belly, the one that he just dreamed about a few minutes ago. "I want to eat," Jonghyun said with the lowest voice he could muster, though that was partially because he knew his voice would crack all over the place if he attempted to raise his voice.

"Oh, that's a good idea." Minhyun started driving more slowly, ducking down to see if any signs were still open at this time. "Did you even eat dinner? Drinking on an empty stomach is always a stupid idea. I know that because back in my day, I used to drink a lot, yeah. Partying. That's… fun." Minhyun snorted and peeked at Jonghyun. "… You're drunk enough to believe me, right?"

Jonghyun unbuckled his seatbelt. "That's not what I meant."

Minhyun's eyes widened. "Jonghyun, seatbelt, please—"

Jonghyun leaned towards him and rested his chin on Minhyun's tense shoulder. He brushed his lips on Minhyun's earlobe. "I… want to eat you up," he whispered, chuckling when Minhyun's shoulder jerked a bit as he stepped on the brakes and sent Jonghyun leaning even further towards him, hand now on Minhyun's lap— for _stability,_ of course.

 _"Jonghyun."_ Minhyun's voice was breathy, his eyes were avoiding Jonghyun again, and his hand was on Jonghyun's stopping him from moving any higher up his thigh. He parked the car, and at that point, Jonghyun didn't know what to expect.

"No," was all that Minhyun said.

Jonghyun blinked at him. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

Minhyun groaned and forcefully took Jonghyun's hand off his thigh. That touch was nothing like the one Jonghyun gave him in the cinema that night; this one _meant something._ This one meant that Jonghyun really, _really_ wanted it, and _now_ Minhyun was saying no? "I'm not doing this, Jonghyun. Not right now. Not when you're drunk and I don't know if you've been thinking straight at all," he said.

Minhyun was trying to be stern about this. Jonghyun could see that, but he could also see how Minhyun's eyes were shaking, how they darted down to look at Jonghyun's lips. Jonghyun was no idiot; he knew Minhyun wanted him too. So maybe… maybe he could prove that this was what he really wanted, alcohol or no alcohol involved.

Jonghyun took back his hand and turned Minhyun's head to face him, letting their breaths mix for a second before his hand crept back to the nape of Minhyun's neck to pull him in. _Oh,_ Jonghyun had missed Minhyun's lips and how he breathed against Jonghyun's skin, how he tasted so sweet and so good; would the rest of him taste like that too? Jonghyun sought the saltiness of his skin, the softness of his body, the firmness of his hold on Jonghyun— oh, he _needed_ Minhyun.

They pulled back with heavy breaths, and Jonghyun reached behind him to pull back his seat. Minhyun jolted as the passenger seat made contact with the back so suddenly, but he had no time to scold Jonghyun for mishandling his car when Jonghyun was already lying down with his eyes inviting Minhyun to climb over and on top of him. "Come on, Minhyun. I'm not going anywhere else tonight… not until you come here."

Minhyun sighed deeply before climbing over the gear shift and straddling Jonghyun's lap, eyes dark as he watched Jonghyun watching him. Minhyun knew his effect on Jonghyun, knew how Jonghyun liked it when he took his time and teased.

He didn't expect Jonghyun to be the one to pull his head down and crush their lips together, almost _literally_ as they both felt their bodies colliding against the passenger seat. Jonghyun tangled his fingers in Minhyun's hair and tugged at the strands, smiling against Minhyun's throat when he felt Minhyun lowering himself to meet Jonghyun's crotch.

"You… you want this," Jonghyun whispered, and his head was starting to spin with how badly he wanted to thrust up against Minhyun's hips over and over again.

"I want this," Jonghyun perked up, "but not like this." Minhyun placed his hand on Jonghyun's chest and pushed him down, making Jonghyun whine as he sought for contact again. "You're driving me insane, Jonghyun," Minhyun said with something akin to a growl.

Jonghyun was feeling really, really woozy. Minhyun's weight against his stomach wasn't helping either, and somehow, Jonghyun was starting to think that the nervousness he felt as he saw Minhyun wasn't exactly nerves but actually—

Jonghyun retched, and he met Minhyun's panicked eyes as Minhyun got off him and felt for the handle of the door beside him. "Please, Jonghyun, not inside the car, not the car, _please—_ " His panicked begging was disrupted by Jonghyun's hand shooting up to cover his mouth, and Minhyun climbed out of the car the moment the door opened. "Jonghyun, _don't throw up inside my car!_ "

The last thing Jonghyun remembered before passing out was the feeling of Minhyun's hand on the nape of his neck and the sweet, sweet relief of passing out after throwing up— when and where, Jonghyun could not be bothered to care.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun woke up to lights, lights everywhere, _oh god,_ where was he? What the hell was going on? Holy shit, why was he in a car? Did he finally get kidnapped? _Oh god, oh god, oh shit—_ "Hey," said a voice to his left, and Jonghyun managed to turn his head to see Minhyun with his head on the steering wheel, smiling down at him. "Glad to see you're awake."

"What—" Jonghyun's throat was parched as fuck, and he couldn't stop himself from internally panicking, not even in Minhyun's presence. He reached down beside him for the lever of the seat, but Minhyun's eyes widened when he realized what he was looking for.

"Please take it slowly, you might—" Jonghyun grabbed the lever and shot up straight, sending a wave of nausea up his body. He lurched forward, but his stomach realized that it had nothing more to give. "That's… what I meant. Then again, it's not like you have much to throw up left anyway." Minhyun laughed weakly.

The events of the night were _not_ coming back to Jonghyun properly. "Did I… throw up in your car?"

"Oh, thank goodness, no. You threw up right outside, and I managed to clean you up when you passed out." Minhyun smiled at him and offered him a bottle of water. Jonghyun took it, but apparently he didn't have the hand-eye coordination to open a bottle yet; Minhyun took pity and helped him out.

Jonghyun held it in his hands, itching to peel off the label to avoid Minhyun's eyes. "I'm really sorry you had to deal with this—" he said, "—with me. It's… ugh, I'm a pain, I'm sorry."

Minhyun sighed before unlocking the car doors. "You said you wanted to eat, and I figured I might as well make sure that you have something to throw up later instead of dry heaving for the rest of the morning."

Jonghyun squeezed his eyes closed. Why was Minhyun so damn _nice?_ He was making this avoidance thing so difficult; then again, _this_ situation was entirely Jonghyun's fault. Oh well. "I want hot pot."

"Well, there are no hot pot restaurants open at… 1:27 AM, so we'll make do with burgers. Come on," said Minhyun, opening his door and leaving Jonghyun inside. There was hot shame rising up Jonghyun's neck as he walked towards the 24/7 fast food place with Minhyun, wincing as he saw a drunk guy passed out against the glass from inside. If Jonghyun hadn't stopped, if Minhyun hadn't picked him up and taken care of him, that's where Jonghyun would be too.

"I'll order for us; you go take a seat," Minhyun said, essentially leaving Jonghyun alone to ponder on all his past sins and why he ended up drunk dialing his _sugar daddy_ instead of a trusted friend to pick him up off the ground— and the fact that Jonghyun managed to refer to Minhyun as… _that_ made a whole new wave of nausea rise up his esophagus. He was so stupid and so fucked.

"So," Minhyun started, "are you feeling better?"

"No, actually," Jonghyun said quietly, "I feel awful for dragging you out here. I don't even— I barely even remember calling you, and anything that happened after that is a complete blur." Jonghyun fished for his phone but found that it was already dead.

"I was really worried. I thought you hung up on me, but it turns out you just ran out of battery. I wasn't able to call your roommate and tell you that I already got you," said Minhyun.

"Why didn't you just take me back home then?"

Minhyun blushed. "Uh, well, of course I wouldn't take you back to my place in this state—"

"I meant my _dorm,_ hyung." Jonghyun smiled and stared at the black screen of his phone. Nothing happened, _of course nothing happened._ Though he could briefly recall the image of Minhyun looming over him, Jonghyun could probably blame that on his vomiting stint that forced Minhyun to take care of his dumb ass.

"Right, of course." Minhyun rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, yeah. I just… thought of doing this, even if I know your roommate will be there to take care of you." He searched for Jonghyun's eyes. "Can't stand the thought of just leaving you like that."

A brief flash from earlier tonight made Jonghyun's head ache. _'And whose fault is that?'_ Minhyun had said. And he was right.

"I'm sorry again," Jonghyun started, "for bothering you tonight." Something about the blankness in Minhyun's expression told Jonghyun that he wasn't giving the answer Minhyun wanted. "… And for not responding to you for the past week."

"A week, Jonghyun. You left me hanging for a week!" Minhyun suddenly whined. The blankness was replaced by the Minhyun that Jonghyun knew quite well, the one that pushed and prodded and teased but still cared so much for Jonghyun. A wave of relief soothed Jonghyun's soul. "If you weren't comfortable with it or if you wanted this to end, you should have just—"

"I don't want that," Jonghyun interrupted, eyes wide and panicky. Jonghyun surprised himself with his own desperation; where the hell did that come from? Was Minhyun freaked out about it? Or better yet, was he more freaked out than Jonghyun was because Jonghyun was currently losing his mind as Minhyun looked at him with shock and a glint of mirth in his sharp eyes. Well, Jonghyun might as well go along with it.

"It's not— it's not that I'm uncomfortable or that I don't want this." Jonghyun closed his eyes and braced himself for what he was about to say. "I do. I really, really do, and that scares me, Minhyun."

Minhyun ignored the sleepy waiter that stood by their table and made him put their tray down elsewhere. That wasn't important right now. "Because?"

"Because a little over a month ago, you were a complete stranger to me, and now I like you." said Jonghyun. He was internally panicking again; what the _fuck_ did he just say? Was he _really_ at least 70% sober at this point or did the alcohol permanently shut down his stupidity-to-mouth filter? Minhyun seemed to be ignoring the last end of his statement, and Jonghyun was grateful for that. "I know we've been taking it slow or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't really know where we're taking this."

Minhyun looked down at his hands. "I don't know either." He placed his hand over Jonghyun's on the table and nudged his shoulder. "Does it have to go somewhere?"

Jonghyun looked to his side and stared up at him, eyes blank and a little confused. "What do you mean?"

Minhyun shrugged. "Can't we just… let it be? This is— it's fun, Jonghyun." Minhyun squeezed his hand and smiled at him, placating the panic in Jonghyun's soul. "I like this. I like how we are now. I like getting to know you and treating you well. Isn't that… good enough?"

Jonghyun didn't know why he was hesitating. What was there to hesitate about? Minhyun made perfect sense; he was right, and Jonghyun agreed on all levels, so why couldn't he just nod and smile? "I… yeah. I do like this."

Minhyun sighed and slid his arm around Jonghyun's waist. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that," he said as softly as ever. It made Jonghyun feel warm again, drowning in Minhyun's eyes and the sincerity in his voice. Maybe he really was happy with whatever they were right now. "Just please, talk to me. If things happen, we let them happen."

"Right," Jonghyun said as his eyes drifted downwards to Minhyun's lips that were suspiciously moving closer and closer to him— or was _he_ moving closer?

"Jonghyun," Minhyun whispered, free hand holding Jonghyun by the chin before their lips could meet, "I'd love to kiss you right now, but you just threw up."

Jonghyun groaned and tried to scrub that memory from his mind. "Right."

"But trust me," said Minhyun, "I really, _really_ want to kiss you right now." He guided Jonghyun's face down and kissed his forehead, making Jonghyun jerk back and squirm in his hold. "What's wrong?" Minhyun asked, laughing at Jonghyun's knee-jerk reaction.

"I'm all sweaty!" Jonghyun whined, but his cheeks were mad hot as Minhyun looked at him with all the attention he could muster, like Jonghyun was the center of his world. Jonghyun was squirming at that too, as if he weren't already used to Minhyun and his stupid need for constant eye contact. Just like that, there were many things Jonghyun knew about Minhyun at this point, like his love for music or how he was a neat freak or—

Well, there lied the rest of the problem. Minhyun was more than a stranger, sure, but he wasn't a friend. And for the longest time, Jonghyun knew there was a wall between them that Jonghyun would never get through. Minhyun was a mystery, and Jonghyun just willingly dived into his abyss. Maybe what Jonghyun was looking for in this conversation was Minhyun promising Jonghyun that _he_ would be the one to open up for Jonghyun to know and to understand. Maybe Jonghyun was sick of being the only object being studied in this little experiment of theirs.

But he couldn't say that. He wouldn't.

"I'll take sweat over vomit, Jonghyun," Minhyun kissed the tip of nose, "but mostly, I'll take you."

Jonghyun groaned and hit Minhyun's chest weakly. "That was _awful._ "

"I'm trying! It's really late, and my game is off at this time of the day." Minhyun laughed and cupped Jonghyun's cheek. "Forgive your old man."

"You're forgiven, hyung." Jonghyun slid his arms up Minhyun's shoulders and linked them behind his neck. "Just don't pull that crap on me again."

Jonghyun leaned forward and hugged him, smiling against his neck when Minhyun's arm tightened around his waist. "Don't fall asleep here, Jonghyun. I still have to _feed you._ " Minhyun leaned back and stroked his hair, ignoring the rest of the world for a little longer. _He_ was happy. Really.

"I won't," said Jonghyun, wrapping himself in Minhyun's scent. This was good… right? Jonghyun did like this. He did. Really. "Just let me stay here for a little bit."

_Did he really?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO so uhhhhhhhhhh this chapter rly escaped me wtf  
> i tried adding the uhhh Not So Recent 2hyun Event into this chap but i couldn't force minhyun to feed jonghyun on screen. rest assured, minhyun force fed jonghyun some burgers before jonghyun rly fell asleep on him and minhyun struggled to bring him back to minki alive  
> the lip balm minki talked abt is actually the face shop lip care cream in mango flavor ,,,, i love that sht idk i just wanted to add that there  
> ALSO idk if it was conveyed properly, but jonghyun's phone died in the middle of his lil confession to minhyun so …… yep efforts wasted but appreciated !
> 
> thank you to everyone reading, commenting, and leaving kudos!!!! y'all really make my day <333333333
> 
> anyway follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: sexual content

Jonghyun wasn't ready for parenthood; he decided that for himself as Minki threw a balled-up sock at him from his cocoon on his bed. "Jonghyun, I am _sick_ and _dying._ Now you decide to leave me for the fucking _library?_ "

"Minki, if I fail, I'm never going to get the money to pay for your funeral bills after I _kill you._ " Jonghyun tossed his laptop into his bag, winced as it made a sound against the mattress, and got ready to leave. "And don't you dare mention—"

"Just beg from your daddy or something. He'll pay for your diploma! Just… don't leave me," Minki whined, but it was much too late. Jonghyun had to be _firm;_ he had to fight for his right to not completely flunk this exam on programming. Minki managed to reach out and grab his wrist, but _no._ He was leaving, and that was _final._

"Karma's coming for you, you bast—" Minki couldn't even finish insulting Jonghyun when a fit of coughing interrupted him.

Well, apparently he was right. Jonghyun stared at the drove of students in the library, all cramming something or studying, creating a buzz in the supposedly quiet sanctuary. He found the librarian sobbing behind her desk, bemoaning the loss of control over her safe haven. Sheesh, and Jonghyun thought Minki was overdramatic.

So that left him with a few options: go home, which he _refused_ to do because of a certain Choi Minki who expected Jonghyun to be at his beck and call; study at a café, which he _also_ refused to do because he was a poor university student who was trying to save up; or… well…

"Hey, did I wake you?" Jonghyun had his phone pressed to his ear as he sat in the bus stop, eyeing the schedule of the coming bus. Was he assuming too much by already being on the way?

 _"Not at all,"_ Minhyun said through the phone, though the rasp in his voice said otherwise. _"Is something wrong?"_

"Not really. Are you busy today? Or will you have people over in your apartment?"

Minhyun chuckled. _"No, I'm just working on things for fun. And I never have people over, honestly; just— just you."_

Jonghyun clenched his fist as he heard that familiar hearty laughter. Minhyun was being his usual self today: cheery, kind, charming, and too damn _good_ to Jonghyun. Why did he always make Jonghyun feel so special? It didn't help Jonghyun get over the stupid flutter in his stomach whenever he heard Minhyun's voice or met his eyes.

"Can I… stay there for today?" Jonghyun's voice was shy today. "The library's full, and I was hoping I could stay in your study or your living room or your dining room or—"

 _"Jonghyun,"_ Minhyun said softly, _"you're always welcome here. Just come on up, and I'll take care of you today."_

Jonghyun released a sigh of relief at that. "Thanks, Minhyun. I'll be there soon; the bus is here."

 _"You were prepared, huh?"_ Jonghyun could see the smirk in Minhyun's words, feel it as Minhyun teased him.

"You can't say no to me," Jonghyun retorted. "I'll see you soon. Bye."

Jonghyun was a little restless today, tapping his feet and drumming his fingers on his lap as he rode the bus. It wasn't like this was his first time seeing Minhyun since… that night. Certainly not. They've gone out several times, to watch a movie or eat dinner or just go out for a drive. All of those little dates ended similarly: with Jonghyun leaning against something as Minhyun pressed against him; with Minhyun cradling Jonghyun's face, staring into his eyes and smiling; and with Jonghyun slowly getting used to the taste of Minhyun's lips.

And they were really, really nice for the most part. Jonghyun's favorite was when Minhyun took him to a park that was a little farther than their usual haunts, with a view of the city that took Jonghyun's breath away. It was nearly deserted for some reason, and Jonghyun and Minhyun leaned on the hood of Minhyun's car as they watched the city lights.

"Wow," Jonghyun exhaled. "What a waste of a lovely night."

Minhyun narrowed his eyes at Jonghyun until he understood the reference, and then he hugged Jonghyun at the waist and laughed in his ear. "Hey, how do you know that? You were asleep at that part _both times_ we watched it together!"

Jonghyun tried prying him off with an elbow, but his hand landed on the car behind them, and his body turned to fit in Minhyun's arms. "I felt bad for wasting your money twice and not even completely understanding what it was about, so I got a copy and watched it with my friend." He shrugged. "It was nice. I kind of understand the hype now."

"Just 'kind of'?" He bumped Jonghyun's shoulder. "I'm… really glad you gave it a chance, Jonghyun." Minhyun looked so damn _happy;_ Jonghyun wished he said this earlier just so he could have seen that smile more.

Minhyun's hands were on his face and neck now, and Jonghyun knew what to expect. If he were being honest, he wasn't just expecting it; he _wanted_ Minhyun to kiss him, wanted to find an excuse to slide his hand under Minhyun's coat and pull him in, wanted to close his eyes and listen as Minhyun's breath hitched each time one of them would lean forward or reach up to pull the other back in— or was Jonghyun the one making that sound?

They ended that night with Minhyun reluctantly dropping Jonghyun off at his dorm, even though their teasing eyes and breathless goodbyes told them that they were both thinking the same thing, that Minhyun could just keep driving and take Jonghyun home and see where the night went from there.

It was Minhyun who managed to have some semblance of self-control and opened the car door for Jonghyun as he leaned in for a quick goodbye kiss. "Minki's probably waiting," he whispered while Jonghyun's eyes were still closed. Jonghyun sighed and walked out, though it still took Minhyun a few more seconds before he started driving away.

That kind of intimacy was _easy_ for them; the sheer attraction they felt for each other was more than enough to keep them sated on that level.

What _wasn't_ easy was the thought of staying with each other for a prolonged period of time, of not having a set of activities or an itinerary to keep their minds from wandering. A few weeks had already passed, but Jonghyun and Minhyun never talked about that night again. Then again, there wasn't much to talk about; they were on the same page, right?

Jonghyun jumped in his seat when he realized that he was already at his stop. Minhyun's apartment was just a few blocks away, but Jonghyun was starting to think of all the alternative paths he could take to make this walk a little longer. Ugh, what was he so worried about? All he had to do was sit tight and get some studying done and _not_ sabotage himself right now.

He was about to knock on Minhyun's door when it was immediately opened for him, revealing a disheveled Minhyun who was still in his sleepwear— _fuck._ Who knew a plain shirt and sweatpants could look so damn _good?_

"Hey there. Just got out of bed?" Jonghyun smiled and took off his shoes. Minhyun was still leaning on the doorway, yawning and stretching his arms over his head before quickly trapping Jonghyun in a warm hug. "Ugh, get off me."

Minhyun kissed his earlobe and walked to the living room. "Good timing. Breakfast just arrived."

"'Arrived'? You really have no plans of cooking for me, huh?" Jonghyun pouted, though the food smelled _heavenly_ from where he was standing.

"Oh, look who's getting demanding now," teased Minhyun. He tilted Jonghyun's chin up and kissed him softly; Jonghyun resisted the temptation to place his arms over his shoulders to keep him there for a little longer. "I _can_ cook, but I'd rather you enjoy breakfast instead of wondering if it's actually edible."

Jonghyun laughed and took a seat on the couch. When he noticed Minhyun on the floor, opening up all the plastic bags, Jonghyun shrugged and went down there with him, both of them mindlessly pulling out side dishes and box upon box of— "Chicken? For breakfast?"

"I had cravings," Minhyun mumbled. He passed the utensils to Jonghyun and grinned. "Let's eat!"

That's how Jonghyun found himself on the floor of Minhyun's living room, eating fried chicken that was too sweet for his tastes and watching reruns of dramas with additional commentary, care of a certain Hwang Minhyun. "You really don't hold back, huh? Even for shitty dramas?" Jonghyun raised an eyebrow and took a bite of his wing.

"That's the fun part!" Minhyun laughed and licked the sauce off his lips. "I never get to watch these when they're actually airing, so I have to make do with rerun marathons and judge it all in one go. Anyway, this stepmother isn't even an effective antagonist anymore; at this point, she's just noisy."

Jonghyun held in his deep sigh as he listened to Minhyun over analyze everything in that damn drama; this was the pain of having someone who couldn't shut up as his sugar daddy—Jonghyun internally retched at the mere thought of those words—but at least he was a good kisser. Excellent. _Superior in skill,_ if Jonghyun was willing to admit.

But he wasn't going to get that today, apparently. _Oh no,_ Minhyun was _much too responsible_ to distract Jonghyun from the actual reason why he was here.

Jonghyun made Minhyun laugh by contributing his own set of nitpicky comments, and Minhyun stared at him the same way he did that night— no, not _that_ night, but the _other_ one, the one where Jonghyun was lured into Minhyun's orbit for the first time on the couch in the other room from where Minhyun was gazing at him now. Jonghyun sighed and attempted to stop himself from leaning forward, but he knew the trajectory of his eyes ended where his lips wanted to be.

Minhyun stopped him with a finger on his chin. "You're getting a little too close, Jonghyun." He leaned forward and smiled before turning to pack up their empty boxes and used utensils. "I'll take you to the study, come on."

It was the sudden dismissal that made Jonghyun snap out of his trance, a bright blush on his cheeks as he allowed Minhyun to lead him there. He gasped when Minhyun opened the door and revealed tall bookshelves, an ornate desk, and yet another huge window with a view of the city. "Wow," Jonghyun whispered, "this is beautiful."

"Thanks." Minhyun kissed Jonghyun's temple before letting him look around, but he regretted that as soon as he saw Jonghyun tapping the glass on one of the shelves and laughing at its contents. "Wait, that's not—"

"I can't believe you collect _action figures_ of the _transformers._ " Jonghyun cackled and counted all of them quickly. "Oh my god, you actually completed the collection, what the fuck."

"That is my _nephew's,_ " Minhyun snatched Jonghyun's wrist and made him turn the other way, "and it would be nice if you didn't make fun of his interests," he whined.

"You are ridiculous and adorable and an _awful_ liar," Jonghyun whispered. He laughed as he cupped Minhyun's face and stepped back to lean on the shelves that weren't covered in glass. Now it seemed like they were on the same page, especially with Minhyun's hands on Jonghyun's waist and the gentle way in which he leaned forward to bridge the gap between them. Just a quick peck, nothing more, nothing less.

It was when Jonghyun lifted his eyes from the small sauce stain on Minhyun's shirt and into Minhyun's gaze that Minhyun decided to _fuck it_ and dive in again, this time taking the kiss a lot more seriously. By _seriously_ , that meant kissing Jonghyun until their toes were curling and their hands were shaking and the shelf made a loud sound as Jonghyun's back collided with it, but that didn't matter to the two who were much too busy with each other to care about anything else.

"I should leave you alone," Minhyun mumbled against Jonghyun's jaw. The tip of his nose brushed against the corner of Jonghyun's mouth when he tilted his head up to give Jonghyun one last kiss. "Don't make it difficult for me to leave."

Jonghyun patted his cheek and turned his face to the side. "That's not my call, is it?"

Minhyun managed to walk back and away from Jonghyun and the slight quiver of his lips as he gazed at Minhyun walking away. "Take your time. I'll be outside working if you need anything."

"Are you— sure this is okay? You might need this room—" Jonghyun was cut off by Minhyun shaking his head and smiling.

"I never use the study; I just keep it around. For this purpose, maybe." Minhyun winked.

Jonghyun just rolled his eyes in response. "Rich people," he grumbled.

"You benefit from it; don't complain." With that, Minhyun left Jonghyun alone, and Jonghyun was… a little stuck ever since then.

He tried making himself comfortable, setting his laptop and books and notes around him, but there was something bothering him, something keeping him from shutting down every sense he didn't need until all he could do was process information like a madman, which was the common practice in his usual study sessions. Was it the windows? He had messed with the dimness settings earlier; it felt more like a late 5 o'clock instead of an awful 10 AM now. Was it the chair? It was perfectly nice and… ergonomic in all the aspects that money could buy.

He was reading one of the less boring looking books in Minhyun's library when the door opened and a big head poked in. "Hey. You procrastinating yet?"

Jonghyun choked on his spit, immediately hiding the book behind the screen of his laptop. "I am _not_ procrast—"

Minhyun blinked at him and pressed his lips together. "You sure?" He eyed Jonghyun's unopened books and the reflection of his laptop screen on the window behind him, revealing an untouched login prompt. "You're not a very good liar, Jonghyun."

"I—I'll work on it. Eventually." Jonghyun sighed. "I'm sorry, I just really feel no motivation at all. I'll start working, I swear."

Minhyun laughed and shook his head. "It's fine," he drawled on. Before leaving Jonghyun again, he hesitated to speak. "Just curious, when does your spring break start?"

"In six weeks, why?"

"I said, just curious." Minhyun smiled and shrugged. "Are you willing to go on a trip with me?"

Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat at the thought of that, of a weekend and maybe a few more days with Minhyun, just sightseeing or relaxing, just a few days of peace where he could get away from everything. He could already imagine the silence as they lied down beside each other, Minhyun's fingers lightly tracing patterns on his arm as they basked in the glow of the sun, and the soft way Minhyun would smile against his skin as he dipped down and pressed a kiss on his shoulder.

It was stupid to realize how detailed his imagination was and how he had already started a mental countdown for it. Minhyun smiled at his expression. "Consider yourself motivated then," he said, and then he left Jonghyun in silence.

_Time to get cracking._

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun first woke up to the distinct feeling of an imprint on his cheek, probably from the rings of his notebook. Next came the feeling of his legs— or more accurately, the lack of any sensation at all coming from his feet. When he managed to pick himself up off the desk, he then realized that Minhyun was seated on the couch in front of him, busy on his phone until he lazily looked up and smiled at Jonghyun. "I… I finished studying, I swear." Jonghyun groaned and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" Jonghyun rasped.

"Almost eight in the evening." Minhyun laughed at Jonghyun's jaw dropping. "Don't worry about it; I think you were only asleep for about an hour. Come on." He sat up and brushed off the lint from his pants. "Let's have dinner before the food gets cold."

Jonghyun groaned and hid his face behind his hands as he stood. "You even had to wait for me? I'm really sorry—"

"Hey, enough of that." Minhyun slung his arm over Jonghyun's shoulders and pulled him into a headlock. "What happened to the rude kid I've been dating all this time?"

Jonghyun stiffened at that word. He didn't realize that they _were_ technically dating, at least in terms of the activities and feel of things. Not that it was headed anywhere, but casual dating existed for a reason. _Right_. "He's exhausted and feels really bad for asking this of you," Jonghyun replied. Minhyun sighed and kissed Jonghyun's temple before they sat down on the living room floor again and allowed the noise of the drama rerun on the TV to take up the silence that fell upon them.

It took a while before Jonghyun looked up from his food; that was when Minhyun poked his hand with a chopstick and tilted his head to meet Jonghyun's lowered eyes. "You know I really don't mind, right? I…" Minhyun bit his lip. "I like your company, Jonghyun. I don't mind you being here, and I don't mind having to feed you or make sure you're actually studying or wake you up every time you accidentally start taking a nap." His eyes darted away. "Is it… me? Are you uncomfortable with me?"

"What?" Jonghyun put down his chopsticks. "No, of course not—"

"Then are you uncomfortable with the situation?"

 _What_ is _the situation, Minhyun?_ "It's not that," Jonghyun said weakly. "I'm just— I don't know."

There was something so odd about the silence afterwards, something strange about how they couldn't pick up as quickly as they used to. Jonghyun was starting to think again; was this because of that night— no, not _that_ night, but the _other_ one, the one where Jonghyun drunkenly bared a piece of his soul and received the warmest rejection he could ever imagine. Was that why Jonghyun felt so close but so far, reaching out but already expecting nothing in return?

Simple answer: he was being stupid. This entire thing was stupid, and Jonghyun was starting to forget that it was simply rooted in enjoyment, in a give or take where Minhyun was content on giving and Jonghyun should have been content with taking over and over again.

"What time is your exam tomorrow?" asked Minhyun, now done with his food and staring patiently at Jonghyun.

"Eleven, why?"

"I'll drive you there," Minhyun said. "You look tired already, Jonghyun. You should stay over, sleep here."

Big and bright alarms started ringing in Jonghyun's mind. "Minki's sick; I need to tell him where I am. And I don't want to impose—"

 _"Jonghyun,"_ said Minhyun with a low voice, "you're not imposing; I _offered._ I have some clothes that I haven't given you yet, a few disposable toothbrushes in the guest bathroom, and a _really nice_ bedroom that I never get to use because no one actually goes here," he said with a pained voice. Minhyun tilted his head again and met Jonghyun's hesitant eyes. "Please consider?"

It was the sweet tone of Minhyun's voice that made Jonghyun melt and sigh his agreement. He felt the relief radiating off Minhyun, saw it in the way the tension seeped out from his shoulders and the way his eyes softened again. "Let me help you clean up at the very least," said Jonghyun, "so I can stop guilt-tripping myself deep inside."

The loud bark of laughter made Jonghyun wince, but he was glad to see Minhyun smiling brightly again, none of that _soft_ bullshit that Jonghyun was getting too used to. They cleaned up and washed dishes in silence, Jonghyun having to learn the systematic way in which Minhyun conducted his cleaning in this damn pristine household. Minhyun told him to go and shower right away, claiming that he had this all under control. Jonghyun shrugged and bumped shoulders with him before leaving him in the kitchen.

After a while, Jonghyun walked out of the bathroom, calm and refreshed and completely surprised to see Minhyun at the dining table, still on his laptop even on a Sunday night. He looked up at Jonghyun and nodded. "I dusted off the room and left some clothes on the bed. Sleep well," he said.

"You're still working?" asked Jonghyun as he walked towards Minhyun. He bit back a smile when he noticed how Minhyun's eyes darted down at his boxers and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I better not catch you sleeping on this table tomorrow morning."

Minhyun laughed and placed his hand over Jonghyun's, turning his head to look at Jonghyun. "Don't worry; I'm not like you."

"You better not be," Jonghyun mumbled. He pulled his hand back and bent down to hug Minhyun's shoulders, resting his chin there and smiling as Minhyun tilted his head to the side to give Jonghyun space. Jonghyun then cupped his face and tilted his head to meet his lips in a kiss, one that was a little awkward but still as heated as it always was between them. "Thank you for this," Jonghyun whispered. Minhyun's lips curled into a smile, and Jonghyun couldn't help but dip back for a quick peck before forcefully pulling himself out of this trap.

Minhyun rolled his head back to get rid of the crick in his neck, but he smiled back at Jonghyun before he vanished off to his room.

Jonghyun collapsed on the mattress as soon as his shins met the side of the bed. Did he really study that damn hard? Maybe it was because he finally managed to shut down his other senses and kept going at it until he triumphed over his own stupidity of not listening in class.

Still, he could remember a few things about this day, like the glass of water beside him that never seemed to be empty, or the humming in the background that sometimes distracted him but mostly kept him awake, or the blanket that he noticed fell on the floor when he woke up from his nap. Little things, almost insignificant, but it told him so much about the person he was so afraid of approaching all day.

Maybe it was the thought of that combined with the distinct smell of Minhyun's detergent that wrapped all around him as he lied down, but Jonghyun found himself in the deepest slumber he had experienced in a while, filled with dreams that he couldn't quite recall as clearly as he did with his… _ugh_ , raunchier ones, but dreams that were just as warm and welcoming as well.

 

 

———

 

 

There was one good thing about only vaguely remembering his dreams, and that was the sudden need to reenact it, to discover if Minhyun's back against his chest would be as warm and solid as his subconscious had imagined for him. Jonghyun needed to know if Minhyun would lean back against Jonghyun as he was hugged from behind, if he would try to turn them around so he could hold Jonghyun instead, if he would tilt Jonghyun's head up and kiss him before saying anything else.

Jonghyun's subconscious hit the mark on all of those, apparently. Minhyun smiled against the corner of his mouth while Jonghyun's hands were busy roaming across his back. "Someone woke up on the right side of the bed today," teased Minhyun. "Feeling better?"

"Good enough," Jonghyun mumbled with his eyelids lowered before he tiptoed to kiss Minhyun again, this time with Minhyun holding his waist from behind to support his back. There was no urgency in their kisses, nothing more than the giddiness of indulging themselves with a little good morning make out session. Jonghyun gasped into Minhyun's mouth as he felt warm hands slipping under his shirt as it rode up, but he couldn't grip the fabric of Minhyun's shirt in response because of how Minhyun pulled them apart, betraying hesitation in how his hands were shaking against Jonghyun's heated skin.

"Your class is still at eleven, right?" Minhyun was leaning back against the counter, legs spread to give Jonghyun the space to come even closer. Jonghyun kind of understood why he was asking, felt it in the heat pressing against his hip and the heat that he knew Minhyun was feeling against his thigh. He also heard it in Minhyun's tone, felt it in the finger tracing the skin where Jonghyun's back met his boxers.

Jonghyun tiptoed again and whispered in Minhyun's ear, "If you're finally going to fuck me, I want to take our time with it."

He stiffened when he realized what he just said, realized that he went straight for the shot while Minhyun was still dancing around the playing field. Jonghyun was about to take it back, hide from his shame, until Minhyun turned his head to kiss Jonghyun's earlobe. "I agree," he whispered. His hands weren't letting up though, and his eyes held the same heat that kept Jonghyun pinned to his spot, almost sure that he wasn't about to leave this house disappointed. "Still, you can't come to me, looking _so damn good_ in my clothes, expecting me to not feel anything about that. Or want anything at least."

"I agree." Jonghyun chuckled and pulled back to look into Minhyun's dark eyes. "Bedroom?"

There was nothing hesitant about their movements now, not as Jonghyun led Minhyun to the room where he lied in bed thinking about him, not as Jonghyun fell back and waited for Minhyun to crawl over him and lean down to connect their lips again. There was no rushing as they both glanced quickly at the clock and realized that they still had hours before they had to leave, hours before they actually needed to stop kissing and touching and smiling against each other's skin and get out of this bed.

It was when Jonghyun started rutting up against Minhyun's hip that they both realized where this was headed: straight into things they were trying to avoid for so long. Still, they both knew that there would be no enjoyment in rushing something that they've been holding back for so long, no pleasure in a quickie when they had so much they wanted to do, so much to touch and kiss and _savor_ when the time was right.

Minhyun settled for light taps of his fingers on the waistband of Jonghyun's boxers, a slow nod from Jonghyun, and that same hand slipping under to wrap around Jonghyun's dick. Jonghyun sighed when Minhyun matched the movements of his hand to the pace of his kissing, but he stiffened when he felt Minhyun sucking a mark against the spot where his neck met his shoulder. "Don't— it's not winter anymore."

Minhyun laughed against his skin, but Jonghyun didn't miss how the pace of his hand sped up when he felt just how much that little thing turned Jonghyun on. " _That's_ your concern?"

"I— I can't wear things to cover my neck up anymore." Jonghyun groaned when Minhyun moved his mouth down to his chest, free hand pulling down the collar of his loose shirt to find more skin to touch, to feast on. _"Minhyun,"_ Jonghyun growled.

"Okay, I'll stop!" Minhyun smiled sweetly, but there was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he lowered himself even further, slowly, _teasingly,_ and took Jonghyun's dick in his mouth without any preamble.

Jonghyun's hand immediately went to his mouth as he gasped and held back the moan that he knew Minhyun was waiting for, fishing around for the moment when Jonghyun's vulnerability shined through his weak whines and the way he gripped the bed sheets as he thrusted shallowly into Minhyun's warm mouth. Minhyun was deliberate about everything, perfectly using his lips and mouth and the low vibrations of his voice to bring Jonghyun to climax into his mouth.

The first thing Jonghyun saw when he managed to come down from his high was Minhyun spitting into a tissue and throwing it into the bin, then he noticed that Jonghyun was staring and crawled up to kiss his cheek and slip a hand under his shirt before falling back on the bed beside him. "Sorry about that. I hate having to wash those stains out, so I might as well take it myself."

"I can't believe you think about how you're going to do the laundry while you're having sex," Jonghyun mumbled with closed eyes, but he didn't need sight to know that Minhyun was smiling when he could already feel it against his lips when Minhyun pulled him in for a chaste kiss, though there was _nothing_ chaste about what his mouth was doing just moments ago. Jonghyun eyed the bulge in Minhyun's sweatpants. "Need any help with that?"

"I think I'll be fine," drawled Minhyun, but he did have to bite back a satisfied smile when Jonghyun slid down and palmed it through his clothes anyway.

"I would do more, but you wore me out too damn much." Jonghyun settled with his chin resting on Minhyun's chest and his hand finally going under Minhyun's clothes to grip his cock. "If I pass out during my exam later, I'm blaming you."

Minhyun chuckled, but he couldn't respond properly when he felt Jonghyun picking up his pace right away, feeling just how much Minhyun's activities earlier turned him on without any extra work required from Jonghyun. Minhyun also had the privilege of watching how Jonghyun reacted when he placed a hand on his head, tugging on his hair lightly before tracing a finger down along his jaw. Jonghyun sat up a bit and let Minhyun hold his jaw, a thumb slipping into his mouth while Jonghyun's eyelids fluttered shut at the touch. Minhyun groaned when Jonghyun started biting down on his finger, and it only took a heated look from Jonghyun's dark eyes for Minhyun to come into Jonghyun's fist.

Now it was Jonghyun's turn to collapse on the bed beside Minhyun, the two of them staring at the ceiling as they tried to catch their breath. Jonghyun then chuckled and turned his head to look at Minhyun, and he felt a wave of relief come over him as he saw Minhyun smiling to himself. "What was that, huh?" asked Jonghyun, his hand bumping against Minhyun's.

"A 'good luck' blowjob?" Minhyun tried to offer, and they laughed as the situation dawned on them.

"And I guess you could call that a 'thank you' handjob in response," said Jonghyun, and he kept grinning as Minhyun turned to the side and held his jaw. Jonghyun glanced at the clock behind Minhyun. "Two hours before he have to go. Shower?"

Minhyun nodded. "Then breakfast."

 _Good plan,_ they both thought, not that they were able to get out of bed so easily with their bones turning into complete mush at the sight of each other, both flustered and wrecked and satisfied at what they had done to each other.

Jonghyun found himself standing quietly in the shower, his thoughts a mess as he tried to process what just happened. In retrospect, everything was in slow motion, like a buildup that was now finally reaching its peak. But when he was thinking of how it felt in the moment, it was like an out-of-body experience, like he was going along with the ride even if he knew that he wanted it just as bad.

Maybe Jonghyun was so uncomfortable yesterday because he was overthinking it, expecting too much while wanting to not expect anything at all. He didn't know where they were and where to place himself. That didn't seem to matter if they just let things run their course. Minhyun was right. This—the touching and teasing and _want_ —was inevitable; Jonghyun was ready for that.

Still, there was something nice about the lightness of the atmosphere as they ate together, as Jonghyun teased Minhyun, and as they laughed comfortably in the presence of each other. There were really no expectations, nothing dampening the mood this time. Jonghyun remembered why he liked Minhyun so much, why he kept going on date after date with him even if he still found their situation so strange. Things were _easy_ with Minhyun if he didn't make it so difficult for himself, for _both_ of them.

There was just one moment though, right before they left, that always sent a wave of heat climbing up Jonghyun's back when he thought about it. Jonghyun was standing in the entrance when Minhyun hugged him from behind and rested his chin on Jonghyun's shoulder, swaying them gently as he pressed his lips against Jonghyun's ear. "I just need to make sure," Minhyun whispered, "that we're on the same page about this."

"About what?" Jonghyun swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt Minhyun's hands resting over his stomach, and he sighed when Minhyun kissed his beating pulse.

"I want to fuck you, Jonghyun. I can't lie about that." The depth of Minhyun's voice in his ear made Jonghyun's legs weaken, and _oh,_ Jonghyun knew that Minhyun knew his effect on him. "I was glad we held back now because I swear to you, I'm going to take _all the time I want,_ " he whispered hotly.

"I agree," said Jonghyun, and he lifted a hand to place over Minhyun's. He smiled when Minhyun tangled their fingers instantly, pulling Jonghyun even closer against his body now. "I want that too."

"Good. The next time you come here, I want it to be when you're ready for that. I— of course I still want to see you. I always do," Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat, "but it can be anywhere else, the way we usually are. If you don't come over of your own accord, I won't pressure you. I won't even ask, I swear. Just…" Minhyun chuckled. "Don't keep me hanging, okay?"

Jonghyun laughed and slapped Minhyun's wrist slightly. "That's not what you said literally a second ago!"

"Okay, I'm _sorry_ then!" Minhyun turned Jonghyun around and cupped his face. He leaned down and kissed Jonghyun as sweetly as he could, making Jonghyun's toes curl as they usually did but leaving him with the brightest, warmest feeling in his heart. "What I meant was… you know how I feel, but it's your call."

It was the genuine sweetness in Minhyun's smile that made the decision to say _'yes'_ in his mind so damn easy.

"Thank you," Jonghyun said softly, now leaning up to wrap his arms around Minhyun's neck. "I'll let you know as soon as I can," he whispered as he pulled back before Minhyun could kiss him and dragged him out of the apartment through his belt loops. _Next time,_ Jonghyun thought to himself. _Next time will come very, very soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO LONG . WHY IS IT SO LONG I DIDNT WANT IT TO BE LIKE THIS but hoo oo oooo boy we're getting somewhere now, huh
> 
> jonghyun's thoughts and the tone of the chapter is a little different from last time, mostly bc drunk jonghyun is a Sad Drunk who has time to think about the emotions in their weird relationship, while sober jonghyun just wants to Bone . 
> 
> and sorry for the delay in this chapter! i have things going on in my life outside of fandom, and i've also been working on a looot of other fics. this will continue for a while so i hope you bear with me, thanks! (also pls read my new works hahaha i have 2 new 2hyun longfics and a little series i'll update every now and then)
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: explicit sexual content

On today's episode of Jonghyun Fucked Up, Jonghyun found himself frantically looking through his gallery and message history as he rode the bus on the way to Minhyun. Post-drinking damage control was always a pain in the ass, but this particular incident from last night might possibly be the worst thing Jonghyun's done yet.

Seongwu invited him out again, and Jonghyun _swore to himself_ that he wouldn't get drunk enough to repeat the events from that other embarrassing night. Apparently he went much, much farther than that and woke up in his own bed— _thank goodness—_ but with a sinking feeling that he did something absolutely stupid. He charged his phone and was immediately greeted by a picture of himself shirtless, biting his lip at the top of the photo, with trails of alcohol dripping from his mouth all the way down to his chest— oh, and it was sent to Minhyun.

That… seemed like a _very_ important detail that Jonghyun probably should have mentioned first. It was also the cause of the loud scream that their neighbors clearly heard early that morning and the reason why Jonghyun was here, in front of Minhyun's door, with a hand hovering over the doorbell and his heart pounding out of his chest.

 _Okay, back up._ What was he even planning to do or to say? 'Hey—' Oh shit. That's all he had so far; no creative opening, no funny start, no attempt at charm. Did he want to apologize? Did he want to use this momentum to finally, _finally_ sleep with Minhyun and get all this sexual tension out of the way?

Minhyun opened the door before Jonghyun could even finish knocking. They stood on opposite sides of the doorway for the longest time, until Jonghyun was starting to feel numbness in his toes. _Now or never, you fucking coward._ "Hi."

"HI?" Minhyun bit his lip and leaned against the door. "Do you have plans of coming in or…?"

"I'm sorry!" Jonghyun blurted out, hand gripping the doorway and his knuckles turning white with the force of it.

Minhyun chuckled to himself. "Okay, so we're really doing this here."

"This is— you saw what I sent last night?" The way Minhyun licked his lip, slow and deliberate, told him that the answer was an embarrassing 'yes.' Jonghyun _really_ wanted to die at this point. "I'm so fucking embarrassed, Minhyun. You shouldn't have— I'm never drinking again, I swear."

"Oh, don't stop for my sake, please." Minhyun was completely relaxed at this moment, the complete opposite of Jonghyun's stiffness right outside his front door. "Seriously, are you sure you don't want to come in, Jonghyun?"

"I—" Jonghyun sighed and walked in, almost as if it were his very first time to be in these walls. Minhyun closed the door behind him, and Jonghyun took a deep, deep breath before he found the courage to continue. "I'm a mess, and I don't know what I was even thinking when I did that."

"You didn't just send me a picture," said Minhyun, and Jonghyun felt his face growing pale again. Minhyun got his phone from the living room and started scrolling. "I don't want to read these aloud. I don't think you'd appreciate that."

"Thank you," Jonghyun mumbled. "Just delete them all. Delete me."

Minhyun laughed, as loud and annoying as he usually did, and Jonghyun's spine straightened when Minhyun slowly held Jonghyun's face in his hands. "You have _nothing_ to be embarrassed about. I swear."

Jonghyun closed his eyes when he saw Minhyun leaning in, but his eyes opened wide when he felt Minhyun kissing his forehead with none of the heat that he was starting to get used to. _Why?_ Why was he doing this push and pull again, the same thing that lured Jonghyun in but kept him from ever understanding what the fuck was going on? Why wasn't he just going for it, driving Jonghyun insane and _finally_ getting them both somewhere, anywhere other than this painful limbo that Jonghyun was starting to get sick of?

Simple answer: because he was waiting for Jonghyun to make the first move, and that wasn't fucking _fair._ That wasn't fair because Minhyun knew how he would react; Minhyun _knew_ Jonghyun was going to bridge that gap if Minhyun wasn't going to get to it first. Jonghyun did just that, but not without the slight inkling of regret creeping up in his mind, not even dispelled by the heat in Minhyun's eyes when they pulled away.

But how could he be pissed at himself when he was _exhausted_ of these games? He was tired of waiting, of playing along, of not going for something that he honestly wanted. Maybe Minhyun tasted that in their kiss, felt the relief as Jonghyun's hands landed on his shoulders and stayed there, gently squeezing as Minhyun continued to press against him, this time leading them somewhere with slow steps and a hand now on the side of Jonghyun's waist.

"Why," Minhyun whispered, and only then did Jonghyun notice that they were right outside his bedroom door, "why are you apologizing? Why are you so embarrassed when you know I want you that way?"

Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut and allowed Minhyun to lead him inside his room, still moving too slow for Jonghyun's expectations. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see that it was all so… normal. Minhyun was a neat freak, through and through, and somehow, Jonghyun felt the slightest bit of comfort in knowing that he knew something real about Minhyun.

 _Why?_ Why was Jonghyun still so focused on that when he had more pressing matters to attend to, like Minhyun pressing up against him and pulling him into another gentle kiss? Something about the pace of their actions reminded Jonghyun of the last time the two of them had met up, once again in that park with the perfect view of the city. They were completely alone this time, and Jonghyun didn't hesitate when he pulled Minhyun in and kept him close all night long, until the park was about to close and their lips were chapped and it took ages before Jonghyun could pull himself out of Minhyun's gaze, the one that kept him pinned to his spot all night.

Maybe Jonghyun needed to put himself in the mindset of that night, no hesitations and no regrets. Maybe he needed to meet Minhyun halfway, a kiss for a kiss, a touch for every movement of Minhyun's hands. He didn't even realize that he was on Minhyun's bed, two layers down, until Minhyun was crawling over him with his hands crawling under Jonghyun's thin shirt, the last defense he had from the way Minhyun's eyes looked like he wanted to eat him up.

"Hey," Minhyun whispered, eyes softening when he finally got a good look at Jonghyun's flustered face, "you okay? You haven't said a word. I'm starting to think you're having second thoughts about this."

Jonghyun _hated_ this, hated how he couldn't help but be roped into this. Not that he didn't want this, _no,_ this was _definitely_ something he wanted. He wanted Minhyun's hands on him, and he got that with the warm palm that was now kneading against his hip. He wanted Minhyun's lips on his skin, and he sighed when Minhyun crawled down to press a kiss on the small band of skin peeking out between the hem of his shirt and the waistband of his pants.

"I'm not," said Jonghyun.

"Good." Minhyun smiled at him and started drawing up his shirt, kissing the skin of his stomach inch per inch until Jonghyun was gasping at each brush of his lips. "You have no idea how much I've wanted this, wanted you."

Jonghyun's heart clenched at his words, at the relief sighed against his skin before Minhyun pressed a kiss against his heart and helped him take off his shirt. Jonghyun's hands landed on Minhyun's neck. "Tell me then," Jonghyun said, and he honestly didn't know where that came from, why he needed to hear this so much.

"Last night, you drove me insane. The picture, the messages, the teasing of how much you wanted me. I hated that you were drunk, and I hated that I kept responding, but I meant every word," Minhyun whispered, and his fingers ghosted over the trail he left with his lips. Jonghyun shuddered as he brushed over sensitive spots on his chest, and his hands wandered down Minhyun's shoulders and tugged at the sleeves of his shirt. Minhyun quickly took it off and allowed Jonghyun's hands to warm up his skin, allowed him to reach up and press hesitant kisses against his chest and neck, just until he could look up with daring eyes and drag Minhyun down on the bed beside him.

There were… thoughts. So many thoughts. Sensations Jonghyun couldn't even begin to describe. And yet the only thing that Jonghyun could clearly remember was Minhyun's eyes on him. There was so much heat in the way his eyes followed the planes of Jonghyun's body, how they widened with each new inch of skin he could then place his lips on. Even the rough slide of his jeans down his thighs couldn't distract him from how Minhyun was staring at him, looking into his eyes while his hands did the rest of the work.

Jonghyun was breathless, gasping as he rolled up against Minhyun's bare hip. Minhyun breathed against his cheek and smiled when Jonghyun wrapped his arms around his neck. "Where's the stuff?"

"Drawer to your left," Minhyun whispered. "Let me—"

"Don't," Jonghyun mumbled, pushing Minhyun to get off him for a while. He got the condoms and lube from the bedside drawer and sighed when he saw Minhyun leaning back on the pillows, heavy eyes waiting for Jonghyun's next move. Jonghyun slipped condoms on both of them and kissed Minhyun's stomach before he got up and sat back. _"Watch me."_

Jonghyun knew what he was doing, knew what he liked and how he wanted it. What he didn't expect was how easily Minhyun cracked when it came to him, how he couldn't keep his hands and lips off Jonghyun's skin even if this… _show_ was supposed to be for him. Jonghyun couldn't have anticipated the almost reverent way that Minhyun held him from behind, pressing their heated skin against each other and sighing when Minhyun's cock brushed against Jonghyun's ass.

Jonghyun cried out once as he angled his fingers just right and brushed against his sweet spot. Minhyun held him close when Jonghyun curved against him; it took Jonghyun a few more seconds to breathe before he realized that he was almost completely leaning on Minhyun.

They stopped moving. Jonghyun didn't realize how intimate their position was until he could _swear_ he was feeling Minhyun's heart beating against his back, a skipping rhythm that mirrored the frantic beating of Jonghyun's heart in his chest. Minhyun tilted his head to the side and kissed Jonghyun's neck; it sent yet another wave of heat up Jonghyun's spine, and in mere moments, Minhyun had him pressed against the mattress, his tip barely meeting Jonghyun's entrance.

Jonghyun looked up at him with hooded eyes, and the furrow in Minhyun's forehead was asking him something. Jonghyun didn't need words, didn't need to respond with anything other than a small nod and his fingers tangling in Minhyun's hair as he slowly pushed in. It was a slow slide, eased by the prep and the lube, but still intense enough to knock the air out of Jonghyun's lungs.

There was a moment when Minhyun stopped, allowed them to settle down before he went any further. Jonghyun had to squeeze his eyes shut then, overwhelmed by the _fullness,_ the feeling that there was too much all at once. His flesh felt like it was on fire; he felt like _he_ was on fire. A split second more of blinding darkness behind his eyelids would have driven him insane, forced him out of this… _thing_ that he'd been wanting all this time.

Then he opened his eyes. Then he saw Minhyun, his own eyes shut, his teeth clamping on his lips to stop himself from completely losing control over his voice, his body tensing to stop himself from collapsing against Jonghyun. He was holding himself back; _this_ was considered restraint for him, and yet all Jonghyun could think about was wanting to lose control.

He didn't need that now. What he needed was to gain control, of himself and of this situation. What he needed was to breathe and hold onto Minhyun's shoulders to tell him that he was ready, ready for more. What he needed was for Minhyun to fucking _move, damn it._

"God, Jonghyun," Minhyun mumbled as he bottomed out completely, sinking down to press his forehead against Jonghyun's shoulder. Jonghyun could feel their sweaty skin sticking to each other, but he didn't have time to be disgusted before Minhyun started moving, just little thrusts of his hips that made Jonghyun positively _burn._

He felt everything, felt Minhyun panting against his neck and clamping his teeth against the skin of his shoulder— _thankfully_ far enough from where Jonghyun's skin would usually be exposed. He felt his own hand sliding down to press against Minhyun's chest, right over his heart, palm searching for the frantic beating that told him how much Minhyun wanted this too. He felt that. He _knew._

"Look at me," said Jonghyun, gripping Minhyun's hair and forcing him to open his eyes when Jonghyun caught his mind slipping away. Not for a single moment; _no,_ Jonghyun wasn't going to lose him now. Nothing made his skin burn the way Minhyun's stare did, the way he would look at Jonghyun as if nothing else and no one else mattered in that one moment.

This wasn't the first time Jonghyun felt that. It wasn't as if Minhyun reserved that for bed or for heated moments; he gave that so freely to Jonghyun. He gave Jonghyun a fixation, an obsession, a _need_ for Minhyun to keep those eyes on him, to forget everything else but him.

That _terrified_ Jonghyun. It scared him to know that he wanted that, that he wanted Minhyun this much. And he realized then that he was terrified of Minhyun slipping away, of losing this heated connection that burned him in both pleasure and pain. _Losing Minhyun scared him._

So maybe he didn't know how to stop being afraid of that. He didn't know how else to keep Minhyun close, not without flesh and lips and hands wandering up and down the planes of Minhyun's skin, not without gasps and whispers into Minhyun's ears, not without moving so that he'd hear those same gasps uttered from Minhyun's lips straight into his heated skin.

Jonghyun climbed on top of Minhyun, not confident enough with the strength of his legs but desperate enough to slide down Minhyun's cock and dig his knees into the mattress as he helped himself move. He still had his hands on Minhyun's chest, and from his vantage point, he could see Minhyun's eyes struggling to stay open, not when the sight of Jonghyun's hair falling over his eyes as he ducked down to hide his face made desperation claw its way towards his hips.

Minhyun pulled Jonghyun close when his legs started faltering, when their hips were stuttering with uncoordinated movements and frantic rutting that only signalled the near end. Jonghyun cupped Minhyun's face and pressed their foreheads together; in this moment, he needed Minhyun as close as he could, and they shared open-mouth kisses until Jonghyun tightened around Minhyun during his climax, one that Minhyun joined just a few seconds later.

And then it was over. Minhyun didn't let Jonghyun go, so Jonghyun slipped him out by himself. They took turns lazily cleaning up. Minhyun didn't even look like he was bothered by the mess. They were beyond exhausted, and still… Jonghyun caught Minhyun's eye when they collapsed beside each other, their bodies sinking into the mattress together. Minhyun turned to the side and cupped Jonghyun's cheek, and they stared at each other for a few seconds before a nervous giggle crept up on Minhyun.

"Talk later?" whispered Minhyun. They didn't do much talking during sex, none of the teasing and the back and forth that Jonghyun expected from him. Something in the air changed at some point, maybe when they stripped off their clothes and finally saw each other as they were— or from Jonghyun's perspective, things changed the moment he walked into Minhyun's space. Things changed the moment he opened himself up to this, bared his soul and his wants and needs to Minhyun.

"Later," he mumbled back, and he couldn't recall much outside of Minhyun caging him in his arms and the warmth of his chest against Jonghyun's cheek, allowing Jonghyun to listen to his heart beating again.

It skipped just once, when Jonghyun placed his hand on Minhyun's stomach and cuddled closer. Just that once, Jonghyun allowed himself to smile in relief. He felt Minhyun. He _knew_ Minhyun.

 

 

———

 

 

There was a strange moment in the date they had a few days prior. Jonghyun loved the kisses, the touching, the way Minhyun looked at Jonghyun and let him bare himself so that Minhyun could give him everything he could. That was easy. That was to be expected at this point.

But some things were different that day. Maybe it was because they had been going out for a while; Jonghyun stopped counting after the fifteenth date, the third month of this weird arrangement where time seemed to stop around them and things seemed to escalate every time they found the courage to take things even the slightest bit further. All this time, it was Minhyun who was giving and Jonghyun who was taking.

Then in that moment, right as Jonghyun broke their nth kiss after another short bout of laughter, Jonghyun realized that Minhyun had needs too, things that he didn't usually let Jonghyun see. Minhyun leaned forward, hugged Jonghyun's waist, pressed his forehead against his shoulder, and sighed deeply.

Hugs were normal, easy. _This…_ was different. Jonghyun felt goosebumps rising on his skin as Minhyun held him closer, and he gave in to the urge to cradle Minhyun's head and run his fingers through his hair. The lights of the city were beautiful, but in this moment, all Minhyun was seeing was darkness. All he could really hear was Jonghyun's breathing and maybe the beating of his heart. All he could feel was the warmth of Jonghyun's skin and the shape of his body in his arms and the gentle way that he held Minhyun close too.

At that moment, Jonghyun was everything to Minhyun. That thought made Jonghyun sigh, made his knees buckle, made him _want,_ want nothing more than this.

"I'm so tired," Minhyun whispered into Jonghyun's sweater, "and I don't know what to do."

Jonghyun held Minhyun tighter then. He heard that exhaustion in Minhyun's voice and wondered why he never noticed it; then again, it wasn't as if Minhyun showed anything other than this façade of perfection that scared Jonghyun sometimes. In this moment, he allowed himself to be weak, to be real in front of Jonghyun.

And maybe that was all that Jonghyun ever really wanted. None of the material bullshit and the perfect dates and the one-sided give and take. Maybe he wanted to give Minhyun parts of himself and maybe he wanted just a little bit of Minhyun, not _everything_ but enough to call this a real relationship.

 _Shit._ Maybe Jonghyun wanted something real. Something real with Minhyun.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun woke up from his dream when he felt lips on his neck and a hand feeling for the shape of his body through the sheets. He groaned and tried to roll away, but Minhyun's hands on his hips kept him rooted there. "Ugh, good morning," Jonghyun mumbled, and he managed to open his eyes and squint at Minhyun's head. "So bright."

"The blinds are open. It's two in the afternoon, Jonghyun," Minhyun deadpanned. When Jonghyun's eyes finally adjusted to the light, he found Minhyun gazing at him softly, leaning on his side and resting his hand on the edge of the blanket with his fingers lightly brushing against Jonghyun's stomach. Minhyun dipped down to kiss Jonghyun, and Jonghyun only had a split second to enjoy the image of Minhyun's messy, unstyled hair hanging over his eyes.

Jonghyun gasped into his mouth. They were both still naked at this point, and Minhyun was starting to knead into his flesh again, waiting for Jonghyun's skin to warm up. Jonghyun's legs wrapped around his hips, just the bundled-up blanket separating their crotches now. Minhyun smiled against Jonghyun's chin. "Round two?" he asked cheekily.

Jonghyun would have gladly said yes if he didn't shift his body and feel the jolt of pain up his legs and ass. Minhyun laughed when the body in his arms stiffened up. "Maybe in a few hours," Jonghyun said, though his hooded eyes were sending Minhyun a different message. "I'm sleepy."

"We haven't even had lunch," Minhyun whined. He took off Jonghyun's legs from where they were wrapped around his body and tried to pull Jonghyun off the bed. It was wildly unsuccessful. "Come on."

"I'm _tired_." Minhyun sighed and got up to leave, but he was held back by Jonghyun managing to lift an arm and grab him before he could walk out of reach. "Come back to bed," he said, and it was the softness of his voice and gentleness of his gaze that made Minhyun kneel back down on the bed, knees on either side of Jonghyun's body.

This was good. This was _perfect._ Jonghyun loved how Minhyun curved his body to completely envelop him, to make sure that every sense of him was completely occupied by Minhyun.

And in another world, maybe this would be something that Jonghyun could take for granted, like a morning wake up call or an everyday routine. Maybe this wouldn't be the best thing Jonghyun's ever felt and it would just be another one of those things they did, those things they shared, things that were theirs.

Maybe that dream was telling Jonghyun something. Maybe that's what he wanted all along.

"Let me ask again," Minhyun panted into Jonghyun's mouth, "round two?"

Jonghyun laughed and bit Minhyun's bottom lip. "Make it quick, and make it good."

Minhyun grinned and moved his lips to Jonghyun's ear. "No problem."

 

 

———

 

 

This time it was Jonghyun who woke up first. He rolled to the other side and smiled against Minhyun's collarbone, just a little bit damp and still smelling of his shower gel. Jonghyun breathed in deep and smiled when Minhyun placed an arm over his waist. Jonghyun lifted his head and glanced at the clock; five PM. And he still hadn't showered or eaten, _ugh._

Jonghyun slid out of Minhyun's grasp and took a quick shower in Minhyun's bathroom. He laughed at himself when he almost slipped on the wet tiles, especially with how weak his legs were after everything they'd done that day. Everything felt so… so fast, so _crazy_. It wasn't like he didn't expect this to happen any time soon, but maybe it felt strange because he was closer than ever to Minhyun and yet so, so far away.

He closed his eyes and let the water flow down his body. He remembered how Minhyun stared at him in that second round of theirs, how he took it as slowly as possible. Gone was the urgency from earlier but not the heat, _never_ the passion. Minhyun didn't let him go for a single second, and Jonghyun still felt the imprints of his hands on his body. The warm water seemed to wash that all away; Jonghyun was a little grateful for that.

Minhyun was awake when Jonghyun walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips. "Good morning," said Jonghyun, a little cheerier than he intended. Minhyun smiled at him.

"You can borrow some of my clothes, if you want," Minhyun said, still rubbing his eyes. Jonghyun grabbed a pair of boxers from his walk-in closet and crawled into bed beside him. Minhyun opened his arms for Jonghyun to fall into, and he smiled against the crown of Jonghyun's head. "You smell like me. I like it."

That was enough to color Jonghyun's cheeks pink. He smiled when Minhyun started tracing patterns on his back, gentle movements of his fingers soothing Jonghyun's internal panic.

"So…" Minhyun said suddenly, though he stalled long enough for Jonghyun to pinch his arm in frustration. Minhyun laughed breathily and moved so he could face Jonghyun properly. "How was that? Was it… as you expected?"

In a sense, yes. Jonghyun knew it would be good, knew that whatever was building up between them was going to result to something explosive— and he was grateful that it was sex instead of something unpleasant. He was grateful to have known the taste of Minhyun's skin, the firmness of his body. And Jonghyun knew, deep inside, that this was bound to change things. Many things.

He settled for, "It was good." That was true, at the very least.

"It was fun," Minhyun whispered, and his grin was almost sheepish. His hand was shaking as it slid down to hold Jonghyun's fingers loosely. He tilted his head and waited for Jonghyun to meet him halfway with a little peck on the lips. That was enough, especially after all they'd already done today.

Minhyun pressed a button on the bedside table, and then the soft glow of the sky outside spilled into the room. Almost a full day in bed with each other. Jonghyun hadn't been this comfortable in so long, and they kept that silence as they alternated between sharing soft kisses and staring at the distance, just comfortable breathing and little movements that didn't need to lead to anything more.

"I need to go home," Jonghyun muttered, already imagining the headache he'd get in his pending interrogation. Minki was _not_ going to let this go easily.

"Okay," said Minhyun, slowly getting up with Jonghyun. "I'll drive you home."

"Thanks."

So… that was it? That was the talk? They did all that and went through all that and all Jonghyun received was an, _'it was fun_? Jonghyun didn't really know what to expect—didn't think he was going to get a deep talk or even a glimpse of that small moment they shared that night, with Minhyun baring a slice of his soul for the first time—but he certainly didn't think he would get _this._

They were nearing Jonghyun's dorm, almost completely in silence the entire time, when Minhyun spoke up again. "Uh, did you see a tie in one of the coats I lent you before?" Jonghyun stopped to think. "Blue? Patterned? Silk?"

"Ah!" Jonghyun recognized the description. "I washed that the other day."

Minhyun's eyes widened. "Did you—"

" _Yes,_ I searched on how to properly wash a silk tie," Jonghyun interrupted, a knowing smirk on his face. He felt Minhyun's relief in the quick way he reached out and squeezed Jonghyun's hand. Jonghyun held it back as Minhyun stopped in front of the building. "I'll go get it; you should come up with me."

Minhyun stiffened. Jonghyun saw how Minhyun glanced away. "I don't—"

 _"Come on,"_ Jonghyun urged. "Minki's dying to meet you, and I still haven't eaten all day." Jonghyun bit his lip. "Come into my world for a little bit. Please?"

Minhyun looked up when he said that, panic evident in his wide eyes. Now that Jonghyun was thinking about it, this was the first time he asked this of Minhyun, the first time he asked for more than just material things or a little time with him. There was the temptation in Jonghyun's mind, the one that was wondering what Minhyun would look like in his space, on his bed, under the low light from the entrance hallway as they watched TV in the dark. How would Minki talk to him: with a little stiffness that came with their respect for their seniors or with Minki's usual flair and easy demeanor?

Minhyun sighed as he parked the car and got out with Jonghyun. As they climbed up the stairs, Jonghyun could feel the hesitation in Minhyun's gait, and that didn't stop even when they were right inside Jonghyun's dorm.

Minki was eating noodles on the couch, an eyebrow quirked as he saw the man standing behind Jonghyun and quietly taking off his shoes. "Hey, I'm home," said Jonghyun, as casually as he could, considering that Minki was already eyeing them cautiously. "Minki, this is—"

"I know," he said, putting down his bowl and walking towards them. He put out a hand for Minhyun to shake. "I'm Minki, Jonghyun's roommate. You must be Minhyun. Nice to finally meet you."

Jonghyun's eyes narrowed at the strange politeness. "I'll go look for your tie," he whispered to Minhyun, squeezing his arm before walking towards his room. _"Minki, be nice,"_ he warned.

"I'm always nice," Minki said stiffly. Jonghyun shook off the awkward atmosphere and went into their room.

He dug around for a while, sure that it was in one of his many crowded drawers. He took a quick look around when he finally pulled it out from under a pile of socks. Minhyun would have his head if he saw how messy their room was; maybe it was time for a little spring cleaning? Jonghyun tried to tell himself that he was cleaning up for his own sake, but honestly, he was already starting to imagine the scenario of him dragging Minhyun into his room and effectively killing the mood by repelling Minhyun from even going past the doorway.

Jonghyun sighed. He'll deal with that later. For now, his pressing concern was the _still_ awkward atmosphere when he went back to the living room. Minki and Minhyun were standing on opposite sides of the counter, spines too rigid and faces too blank to make Jonghyun feel as if they really hit it off. Hell, he'd be amazed if they shared more than three sentences each.

"Got it," Jonghyun said, slipping the tie into Minhyun's coat pocket. Minhyun thanked him quietly, said goodbye, and ducked out of Minki's sight. Jonghyun narrowed his eyes at Minki. "What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything!" Minki whined. "Why do you always assume I'm the one at fault?"

"Because you usually are?" Jonghyun offered. He shook it off and grabbed his keys from their bowl. "I'm going out for dinner. See you later."

"Hey," Minki said softly, and it was the seriousness in his voice that made Jonghyun stop in his tracks, "we should talk when you get home."

Jonghyun shrugged and nodded before he walked out. Minhyun was leaning on the wall outside the door, staring up at the ceiling and digging his hands into his pockets. Jonghyun tugged on his sleeve and quickly pressed a kiss on his cheek. "Are you okay?" asked Jonghyun, and Minhyun gave him a little smile in response.

"Yeah, of course. Minki seems nice."

Jonghyun snorted. "Okay, something _clearly_ happened in there, but I won't pry." Jonghyun didn't know what to feel when he heard Minhyun's sigh of relief. "Now come on. I'm taking you to my favorite dinner place."

It was only a short walk, but Minhyun stopped in his tracks when he realized where Jonghyun was leading him. "Are you fucking serious?"

Jonghyun laughed and pulled Minhyun towards the convenience store with both hands. "Come _on._ I swear the instant meals are actually good here."

Minhyun hesitantly followed Jonghyun's steps, walking up and down each short aisle to pick up whatever ingredients and snacks Jonghyun wanted to incorporate in their… most _innovative_ dinner yet. Jonghyun took his time in picking out their desert, alternating between two brands of ice cream that were usually too expensive for him to buy for himself. Good thing Minhyun was here, holding a basket in one of his hands and staring at its contents with concern.

Jonghyun smiled softly when he saw how the light from the freezer bounced off his face, how Minhyun looked so out of place in here— though that was the best revenge after bringing Jonghyun to so many highbrow restaurants that reminded Jonghyun of how pitiful he actually was. Minhyun chuckled and picked out their flavors for them, ignoring Jonghyun's inner struggles for the past three minutes.

They heated their meals at the counter and sat on the stools facing the near-empty street. Jonghyun lived in a relatively quiet area, and he was glad for the peace. This was how he usually spent his nights before Minhyun came around: quietly eating by himself, enjoying whatever he could have. Now Jonghyun was sitting beside someone who gave him everything he could ever want.

Except for him. Jonghyun tried to ignore how the thought of that _stung._

"So?" Jonghyun put down his chopsticks and grinned at Minhyun. "How's the food?"

"I—" Minhyun sighed and took a sip of his soda. "I think my taste buds are broken," he said quietly. " _How_ can this possibly taste good? I think I'm sick, oh god."

Jonghyun laughed and cradled Minhyun's confused face, waiting for the smile that was undoubtedly going to break through. Minhyun's lips curved so sweetly as Jonghyun moved closer, and Jonghyun quickly licked the sauce from the corner of his lips before kissing Minhyun, trying not to fall off his stool but not being able to resist this urge to hold Minhyun.

Jonghyun leaned his forehead on Minhyun's before he pulled away, patting Minhyun's cheek gently. There was something unreadable in Minhyun's gaze, in the way it followed Jonghyun even as he sat down on his stool and went back to his food. He glanced at Minhyun briefly, met his eyes for just a second, but he was pinned to his spot with the warmth in Minhyun's eyes that was hidden deep behind the hesitation, the fear in his gaze.

For a moment, Jonghyun felt himself mirror that look, like dipping his toes into the water and realizing that the bottom was so much farther than he thought. It felt like falling and not knowing if he wanted to get back up. He looked at Minhyun and realized that, _yes,_ he was in Jonghyun's world now. It felt like a dream; it probably was, considering how it wasn't going to last.

They finished their meals in silence. Jonghyun walked Minhyun back to his car and wrapped his arms around Minhyun's neck before he could slip away tonight. "Thanks for today," Jonghyun said quietly, barely more than a whisper. Minhyun didn't mind; it wasn't as if he weren't already leaning down to kiss Jonghyun.

Jonghyun stood there for a little while before he pulled away, almost tempted to ask Minhyun if he did anything wrong, if there was a reason why Minhyun didn't have his arms around Jonghyun's waist as he usually would in this position. He almost wanted to know if there was something more to that look Minhyun was giving him the entire time they were here, if that mix of hesitation and fear was even the slightest bit related to that terrifying _need_ that Jonghyun dreamed of earlier today.

"Good night," Minhyun said, and Jonghyun took that as his cue to pull away. They certainly had more than their fair share of lingering gazes, of small smiles before Minhyun left Jonghyun standing there on the sidewalk, lost and empty and more confused than before.

Jonghyun sat on the steps in front of their door, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. He knew why he was in pain, why the clenching in his chest wasn't stopping any time soon. He knew what he was so afraid of. He knew what he wanted, and he knew why it was going to be the death of him.

Jonghyun wanted Minhyun. He wanted to see him in his daily life as more than just this wish-granting figure or a body he could curl into when he felt like it. He wanted more of those quiet drives, those stupid convenience store runs, those moments of laughter and stares and—

And then he remembered Minhyun's words, his exact words _._ _'Does it have to go somewhere? Can't we just… let it be?'_ This was fun for Minhyun, _just_ fun. Jonghyun didn't want to be the one who ruined that by falling too fast, too hard.

There was one last part in their previous date that Jonghyun didn't really like to recall. Jonghyun held Minhyun close and stroked his hair and listened to his deep breathing while he thought of something to say. But he didn't know what to do, how to help. All he could do was be there for Minhyun but only when Minhyun was willing to let him in, to let him hear.

"Does this… help somehow?" Jonghyun asked.

Minhyun pulled back and looked at the distance again, away from Jonghyun's prying eyes. Jonghyun knew at that exact moment that he wouldn't receive an answer he wanted.

"I don't know," he said simply. That was all they said, and that was all that Jonghyun truly knew about Minhyun. _He didn't know what to do either._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well………… forgive me but the angst has begun :--------D
> 
> tbh this was the most difficult smut scene to write for me…… hopefully y'all were able to feel the physical intimacy and the ,,,, Conflicting Emotions that jonghyun struggled with the entire time
> 
> also that convenience store scene was inspired by [this painful gif](https://twitter.com/amenochieien/status/998436785544818688)
> 
> ok i can't wait to hear what y'all think of the recent developments hehhehehhehe
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening: [Shawn Mendes — Mutual](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hzZm8N5IMk) ([spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/0rrfXLr1p1yxsUy7LrKoYT?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX5U6fr1hAMvg&si=HRoCmnp2Rt2S3koo6sJEEg)) & [Shawn Mendes — Perfectly Wrong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZzGontuNIQ) ([spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/0UTHr20nqVFMoji8xYE9yl?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX5U6fr1hAMvg&si=cVd31YWRT1G3DzDrfKIrHw))

It wasn't like— Jonghyun wasn't trying to make this a big deal, alright? He was trying to go through his daily life while ignoring the need to check his phone obsessively, to see if Minhyun finally replied to at least one of the seven messages he'd sent at varying times over the past four days, no big deal.

Except… it kind of was. And Jonghyun felt _really_ shitty as he sat with his head on Minki's lap, his phone stashed inside a drawer as he dropped a book on his face to hide the anxiety deep in his eyes. Minki was on his phone, as usual, but after the sixth unexplained sigh from Jonghyun's lips, he groaned before putting it down and taking off the shield on Jonghyun's face. "Are you going to explain yourself or not?" he said, pushy as ever.

Jonghyun couldn't use his typical excuses on Minki; the subsequent interrogation wasn't worth the trouble. In any case, Minki knew what this was going to be about anyway. "I… have something to confess," Jonghyun said in a last ditch attempt to beat around the bush. Minki raised an eyebrow. "I slept with Minhyun."

Minki shrugged. "And?"

Jonghyun sat up and narrowed his eyes at Minki. "What do you mean, _'and'?_ I didn't tell you about that, did I?"

"Jonghyun, my poor boy," Minki stroked Jonghyun's face and pinched his ear, "I know _everything_ when it comes to your sexual exploits. I also know that it happened on the day I met the old man because you were rocking a serious limp for the next two days." Jonghyun gaped at him for a few seconds before sighing and accepting that he _really_ couldn't hide anything from Choi Minki. "So what's the problem? Trouble in paradise?"

Minki's teasing grin slowly dropped as he saw Jonghyun's hands shaking on his lap, as Jonghyun avoided his eyes. "He hasn't… he hasn't contacted me since then."

At first, Minki didn't get it. And then he remembered Jonghyun's excitement every time his phone alerted him of a new message from Minhyun, Jonghyun's bliss every time he came home after a date with him, Jonghyun's sheepish embarrassment as they woke up to another care package on their doorstep and the way he discreetly texted Minhyun in the kitchen to thank him for whatever it was this time.

Minki didn't think that giddiness translated to anything serious, but now that he was staring into Jonghyun's helpless eyes, he felt his heart drop too. "Jonghyun, I don't think—"

"Really? Are you?" Jonghyun clenched his fists. "Because from how I'm seeing it, he ditched me after he got the sex he wanted. That… that seems very clear to me right now."

It was difficult to get through Jonghyun's pessimism, past his defenses and how he self-sabotaged himself to prevent himself from experiencing disappointment. So maybe Minki _did_ feel guilty when he realized his role in this mess, when he recalled how he encouraged Jonghyun to go through this thing— completely disregarding how Jonghyun was more likely to fall deep into something when he should have known better.

Minki wouldn't blame him. He couldn't. "You have to give the guy some benefit of the doubt—" He couldn't even continue, not when Jonghyun was curling into himself at each word out of his mouth. At that point, all Minki could say was, "I'm sorry, Jonghyun."

"You don't have to apologize," said Jonghyun, calm and quiet as if he were simply brushing dust off his clothes. "It's not your fault. You didn't tell me to go out there and get invested into something with someone who— honestly?" Jonghyun tried to shrug it off. "Probably wasn't that into it."

 _Self-sabotage at its finest._ Still, something was bothering him about this situation. "Do you… know anything about him? Like where he works or who his friends are? Did you even do a quick search on this guy?"

"It's—" Jonghyun was picking at his nails. Minki knew he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear. "We had a _rule._ "

Minki's eyes narrowed. "What kind of rule? One that gave him control over the entire situation and forced you to only look at him as a sugar daddy while you ended up wanting more?"

Jonghyun winced at his words. "He wanted me to get to know him _in real life,_ okay?"

"No, Jonghyun," said Minki, voice soft and tired. "He didn't want you to know _him;_ he wanted you to accept whoever he was showing you." Minki bit his lip. "And you fell for that."

Minki's words haunted Jonghyun for the rest of the night, and as he lied down on the couch with his phone in hands, shaking as he typed and erased messages over and over again. They needed to talk—that much was clear—but Jonghyun didn't know how to start it, didn't even think that Minhyun would agree to that. Did his stomach hurt because of his last moments with Minhyun, because all he could remember was the sex and that farewell that left a bitter taste in Jonghyun's mouth? Was that the reason why his skin crawled every time he thought about Minhyun now?

 _Take me back to the start,_ Jonghyun thought to himself. He wanted to go back to when it was easy, when it was _fun._ God, he'd do anything to go back to that first meeting with Minhyun, the first time they felt like they were actually on a date, that time when his heart fluttered but didn't have to ache so damn much. And even if that wasn't what he really wanted, he'd take it if it meant seeing Minhyun again, hearing his annoying commentary and his loud laughter, being able to tease him and cherish that laugh, feeling his gentle displays of affection— even just the smile he always reserved for Jonghyun was enough.

Jonghyun wasn't counting on it though, not when the last message he sent before he went to sleep was a simple, _"fuck you."_ He didn't need to explain himself for that.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun didn't exactly sleep well that night. Maybe it was the crusty cushions of their couch or the way his words weighed in his conscience that made him toss and turn until he sat up and sighed in defeat. He opened his phone. _No response._ Maybe it was better that way.

Jonghyun was— he could just move on with his life, right? Wasn't that what he was trying to do in the first place, right before he went to Minki asking for some comfort and ended up having doubt plague his every thought? It made him think: was this his fault? Did he back himself into this corner by not _trying,_ even if that was what he really wanted? Was it his fault for waiting for Minhyun to take the first step or to give him permission when he was his own damn person who could have made that decision by himself?

It was easier to point fingers, but Jonghyun was done with that now. He… needed to take the next step forward by himself.

That was easier said than done, especially when it felt like the universe was dragging him back to Minhyun. Jonghyun got dressed early that day, hoping to get a spot in the library to study in peace; throwing himself into his studies seemed to be the best thing right now.

Unfortunately for him, there was a stranger at their doorstep as soon as he opened the door to leave, armed with a basket that seemed suspiciously familiar in packaging. The guy stared at him with wide eyes and coughed awkwardly. "Hi. Delivery for—"

"Me, I presume," said Jonghyun, taking the basket by the handle and peeking past the frilly paper around its contents. It was full of things Jonghyun remembered ranting about needing over the past week: a brand-new pair of headphones, toothpaste, eggs to throw at Minki's head every time he pissed Jonghyun off. This smelled suspiciously of… "Minhyun. This is from Hwang Minhyun."

"Bingo," the stranger said, slowly backing away as he assumed that his job was done. "I'll just—"

"Wait a minute." Jonghyun grabbed him by the tail end of his coat. "I need to talk to you, come on."

He sighed and turned back, an awkward smile on his face. "I'm Kwak Aron, Minhyun's personal assistant," he said robotically. "He's sorry for not being able to respond for the past few days and sent you something as an…" Aron made a disgruntled face, "an apology, I guess."

Jonghyun's fist clenched over the handle of the basket. "Thanks," Jonghyun mumbled, eyes locked on the ground. "Did he think this was enough?"

"That's exactly what I asked him," said Aron, exasperation in his voice. They looked into each other's eyes and shared an instant connection, one that was rooted in frustration over a certain Hwang Minhyun.

"Do you want to come in?" asked Jonghyun, a little unsure on how to proceed. Aron shrugged as he nodded, and Jonghyun got to making coffee for him at least. "Were you the one delivering his gifts all this time?"

"Yeah, that's me. I'm surprised you only caught me now though," Aron answered, thanking Jonghyun for the coffee with a bow of his head. Jonghyun sat across him, the silence making the atmosphere even more awkward. Jonghyun didn't know what to do, what to say. Where would he even begin?

"Let me help you," Aron said suddenly, a knowing smile on his face. "You want to know what happened to Minhyun."

Jonghyun sighed. "He hasn't been responding to me at all— which is _fine,_ I guess." Jonghyun tried to save face, but Aron saw right through him. "It's just weird. And it caught me off guard. Then all of a sudden, his assistant appears on my doorstep with a basket of things I didn't even tell him I needed."

"He's been sick," said Aron, "and really busy, and he feels like shit. Seriously. He just texted me in the middle of the night to tell me to find out if you needed anything and deliver it ASAP or he'd fire me." Aron chuckled. "What an idiot."

"I'm sure your boss would fire you if he heard that, but he deserves it anyway." They chuckled, though there was still dissatisfaction in Jonghyun's soul, and it got worse as he fixed his eyes on the gift basket on the counter. "So why didn't he just… text back?"

Aron stared into his cup of coffee. "I don't know, Jonghyun. I can't pretend to understand the guy all the time," he said, though there was hesitation in his voice. "But you could ask him yourself, if it helps."

Jonghyun perked up. Why hadn't he thought of that? Then again, it wasn't as if he could just barge into Minhyun's apartment out of nowhere; this time, he'd have someone with him, someone who certainly knew Minhyun a lot better than Jonghyun ever would. And maybe this time, Jonghyun would be able to see more of Minhyun, more of _his_ world now.

"Are you serious?" asked Jonghyun, fear and excitement evident in his shaky voice. "I'll— thank you. Are you allowed to do this?"

Aron laughed at that, and he stood to put his cup in the sink. "Probably not, but Minhyun's been an ass all week. I have a feeling that you have something to do with that."

Jonghyun chuckled and got his bag from the living room couch. Just in time, Minki woke up, hair messy as he adjusted to the sight of Jonghyun completely dressed and ready to go while a stranger stood in their kitchen. "What?" he said with a yawn, barely capable of anything more.

"Minhyun's assistant, Aron," said Jonghyun, motioning at the guy who was awkwardly waving once again. "I'm seeing him today."

Minki suddenly seemed a lot more awake. "Is that a good idea?"

"Probably not," Jonghyun mumbled, "but I'm tired of waiting around. I have the right to be assertive, right? To not just wait around and wait for myself to get fucked over?"

It was the cynicism in his voice that made Minki sigh and drape his arms over Jonghyun's shoulders. "No, you're right. I'm sorry for talking like that last night; I'm sure it didn't help."

Jonghyun nodded as he shook Minki's affection away, bowing politely at Aron who was watching their interaction with a smile on his face by the front door. "I should go," said Jonghyun. "Wish me luck?"

"Good luck?" Minki chuckled. "Go… get your man," he said, though Jonghyun sensed hesitation in his words. Minki had good cause to be unsure of this decision of Jonghyun's, but ultimately, it was Jonghyun who wanted this, Jonghyun who _needed_ to face Minhyun now. He met up with Aron outside and climbed into his car— _Minhyun's car,_ Jonghyun realized. Somehow it felt like going into battle.

"So," said Jonghyun, fidgeting in the passenger's seat, "Minhyun's sick?"

"Yeah, said he caught a cold out of nowhere. Deadlines at work were piling up too, so he decided to hole up in his apartment and get himself even sicker by working all day and all night." Aron sighed and leaned his forehead on the steering wheel during a red light. "Being his personal assistant is… a test of patience."

"I can imagine," said Jonghyun. There was a question on his lips, something that he never had the opportunity to ask since this was his first time meeting someone who actually Minhyun well.

"Let me help you out," Aron said again, that knowing grin on his face. Was Jonghyun _really_ that obvious? "He talks about you. Often, actually."

Jonghyun… he didn't know how to respond to that. "What does he—"

"He likes spending time with you," Aron said softly. "It's one of the few things that still relaxes him. He's the type to care a lot and give all that he can give— and you can see that with how he treats work. It's good for his career, sure, but I've watched first-hand how that's taken a toll on him."

Suddenly, he was somber. "But sometimes he withdraws. Goes cold turkey on things because of," he paused, "reasons that even I can't understand." Aron glanced at Jonghyun briefly. "It'll be difficult to keep up with him at those times, but he cares. Even if you feel like he doesn't… Minhyun cares."

That made Jonghyun think. It reminded him of meeting Minhyun, of feeling as if he were the most important person to Minhyun every time they were together. He thought of the gifts and the dates and the way Minhyun tolerated him every time he fell asleep while they were watching movies and how Minhyun smiled against his skin after their very first kiss.

Then he thought of how Minhyun spaced out whenever they were together and how he refused to look at Jonghyun as he fucked. Now that Jonghyun knew something deeper about Minhyun, he was starting to see that painful moment as something else, as Minhyun who was just afraid of feeling too much all at once. Jonghyun was falling, but Minhyun was trying not to.

It stung a little. But it also made Jonghyun _hope,_ and hope was the most terrifying thing he could hold onto right now.

"Can you pull over here for a while?" Aron looked at him oddly and parked in front of the chicken store that Jonghyun liked so much. "Just— breakfast. I'm sure he hasn't had it yet."

Aron laughed. "Actually, you're right." It didn't take Jonghyun long to pick out the flavors he knew Minhyun would like, and Jonghyun found his mind wandering to that first time he stayed at Minhyun's apartment, the first time he saw a little part of Minhyun's world. They were both hesitant then, still shy and adjusting to each other. Jonghyun missed that, but he was hoping that there was something brighter in his future, something that he was walking towards as he entered Minhyun's apartment using Aron's spare key.

"He's probably in the studio," said Aron. He stopped Jonghyun before he could walk away. "Are you taking care of him today? Here's my number, just in case you need something."

"Thanks, Aron," said Jonghyun, and they exchanged numbers before Aron bowed and left Jonghyun in Minhyun's near-silent apartment. Jonghyun looked around, and his face crumpled at the state of this place; _clearly,_ Minhyun was not at his best self.

Jonghyun stopped at the door of the studio and opened it quietly, waiting to catch a glimpse of Minhyun. He was bent over the console, editing something that Jonghyun couldn't understand on his computer. He sat up a little straighter when he heard the door opening. "Aron, you're back. Did you—"

Minhyun turned around, eyes red and wide as he processed the sight of Jonghyun there, leaning on the doorway and observing Minhyun's mess of a studio. "Jonghyun," he said softly, almost sheepishly as he then avoided Jonghyun's eyes. "How did you get here?"

"Aron," Jonghyun said. "I met him when he was dropping your little gift."

"Right." Minhyun groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. "Jonghyun, I—"

"So you're a producer, huh?" said Jonghyun, walking around and observing at the pictures on the wall. Jonghyun could recognize some of the artists, but he mostly focused on Minhyun's bright grin in each one and how it slowly dimmed over the years.

"Not really. Not anymore, but I'm getting back into it." Minhyun went back to his computer when Jonghyun stood by his side, looking at the various tracks and loops that he couldn't actually understand.

"Let me listen to what you're working on," Jonghyun said, leaning forward with face a little too close to Minhyun's. They stayed there and stared at each other, both of them glancing at the other's lips before they realized where this moment was headed.

"Maybe later," Minhyun whispered, and he closed his eyes when Jonghyun pressed the back of his hand against his neck, feeling for his temperature. He took Jonghyun's wrist and slowly pulled it down. "Jonghyun, I'm sorry. Just— not now, okay?"

Jonghyun shrugged as he stood back up and bent his knees. "I figured," he said, but as he turned away, he missed the pained look that Minhyun gave him. He walked back to the door. "I'll watch over you today. Apparently Aron needs a break from you."

Minhyun chuckled. "Did he actually say that?"

"Yes, and he also told me to tell you not to fire him for it." Jonghyun found himself laughing with Minhyun. For the first time in a while, a familiar warmth crept up on him. Jonghyun shook it off and motioned towards the kitchen. "I brought food, but we can just reheat it when you're in the mood to eat. Just tell me." Jonghyun's smile softened. "See you, hyung."

Now _that_ made Minhyun smile again, the one that Jonghyun really missed. "Get out of here," he joked, and Jonghyun closed the door quietly behind him.

He was alone now, but before he could even pull out any of his study materials, his nose wrinkled at the state of Minhyun's place. Minhyun's fever didn't seem too bad, but it was clear that he couldn't take care of himself. Jonghyun sighed as he cleaned up after him, sorting everything as best as he could.

It gave him something to occupy his hands with while his mind ran circles around him, around Minhyun just a room away from him, around that brief moment they shared and how Jonghyun almost forgot how furious and disappointed he was with Minhyun this entire time. _Why?_ Why did Minhyun make Jonghyun feel like this then take away every bit of anger he felt with a simple smile and the laughter that Jonghyun really, really missed?

Jonghyun saw every suspicious pattern, understood all the warning signs that told him he was about to walk into something dangerous for himself, but when he was actually here, with Minhyun, it was like he lost sight of all that. And try as he might, he couldn't stop _hoping,_ hoping that he was wrong about what he was scared of, that there was something worth hoping for when it came to Minhyun.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun didn't realize that he fell asleep on the living room couch until he woke up with a pillow under his head and Minhyun's hair in his mouth; somehow he managed to squeeze himself on the couch beside Jonghyun, with his head on Jonghyun's chest as he snored softly. Jonghyun felt his skin, and he still had a fever.

A bad one, apparently. One that made him collapse on an obviously occupied couch instead of sleeping in his own room. Unless… unless he wanted to be here. With Jonghyun. Which made things complicated for Jonghyun as he debated against shoving Minhyun off him and getting up.

Jonghyun craned his neck up and saw the platter of chicken on the coffee table, ready to be eaten but already cold from sitting too long. A scenario popped up in Jonghyun's mind: Minhyun, sick and semi-delirious, reheating their food and plating everything until he saw Jonghyun lying there and decided to pass out; Jonghyun, clueless, helpless, hopeless. The details seemed to check out.

Still, Jonghyun was trapped under Minhyun's head, and he made the best of the situation by lifting his hand and placing it on Minhyun's hair, stroking softly as he continued sleeping in Jonghyun's arms. There was something terribly painful about this warm situation, something that invited and coaxed Jonghyun into falling for the mood of the moment instead of using his brain for once.

Minhyun sighed in his sleep and burrowed his face in Jonghyun's chest. Jonghyun bit back his smile as he gazed at how Minhyun's hair covered his eyes, at how his cheek looked so soft as it was trapped under Minhyun's face. He traced Minhyun's ear, his jaw, cupped his cheek and felt for his under eye circles, for the signs of exhaustion that told Jonghyun how much Minhyun really devoted himself to his work.

Jonghyun wanted to slide down, to press their noses together, to feel Minhyun's lips against his one more time. He felt his soul reaching out for Minhyun's through touch and warmth and everything that didn't involve words. Jonghyun lied to himself today; he wasn't done with running from it, so for a little bit, _just for a little while,_ couldn't he enjoy this? Enjoy Minhyun in any which way Minhyun wanted him?

There was a pause in the universe as Minhyun woke up and opened his glassy eyes to the sight of Jonghyun under him. "Hey," Jonghyun said softly, hand still cupping Minhyun's warm cheek. Jonghyun glanced at his lips and realized how close they were to each other when Minhyun sat up and leaned over him. Jonghyun fell for it, fell for the warm skin and dazed eyes and soft lips, and allowed himself to fall for Minhyun's kiss again.

Minhyun's movements were slow, lethargic. Jonghyun could still taste the sleep in his mouth, but he didn't mind when Minhyun straddled his hips and leaned over him completely, holding his face with both hands. It reminded Jonghyun of their first time, their first kiss, and how so many things had changed since then. Jonghyun braced himself for Minhyun's hands, now wandering down his chest and under his shirt. He could feel the warmth of Minhyun's feverish skin, but Jonghyun couldn't bring himself to care.

"Jonghyun," he whispered against Jonghyun's jaw, "leave."

Jonghyun stiffened in his arms, not sure about what he was hearing. Minhyun was still kissing his skin, still allowing his hands to wander all over Jonghyun's chest. "Get— get out," said Minhyun, "leave me." Minhyun wasn't stopping with his relentless attack on Jonghyun's lips, and over time, Jonghyun started to get used to Minhyun's commands whispered into his mouth, in his insistence for Jonghyun to leave while his hands and lips kept him pinned to his spot.

 _What… what the hell's going on?_ It almost made Jonghyun want to believe Minhyun's words, almost made him shove him off and leave for good. This was Minhyun, tired and sickly, telling Jonghyun to leave, to save himself.

Minhyun wasn't quitting though. "Jonghyun, why are you here?" Jonghyun shuddered as Minhyun's hands went to his jeans, fumbling with the button and zipper while Jonghyun was still reeling from his words.

Jonghyun swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm— I'm here for _you,_ Minhyun."

Minhyun paused in his tracks, and Jonghyun's heart dropped at the glassy look in his eyes. This wasn't Minhyun; this was fever Minhyun, delirious and warm and needy. Jonghyun realized that as Minhyun rutted against his thigh. This wasn't real. He could have been any warm body to Minhyun right now.

"Supplies," he whispered instead. "Condoms. Lube. Your bedroom."

Minhyun seemed to understand that, and he climbed off Jonghyun to stumble his way to his bedroom, leaving Jonghyun on the couch by himself. As he finally got the space to breathe, Jonghyun realized how _wrong_ this was, how he was following the whims of someone who wasn't even thinking straight. Jonghyun needed to breathe, needed space from the situation and the _person_ who drove him insane and turned him into this panting mess on the living room couch.

Jonghyun sat up and waited. And waited, and waited, until he realized that Minhyun was taking _way_ too long just to get supplies. He stood up, righted his clothes, and walked to Minhyun's room with its door left ajar.

Lo and behold, Minhyun was asleep on his bed, face down and snoring again. It made Jonghyun chuckle, made his heart melt a bit as he walked up to him and took a seat beside his head. Jonghyun ran his fingers through Minhyun's hair again, but this time he couldn't see how Minhyun smiled at his touch.

A thought crossed his mind, that he could stay and wait for Minhyun to wake up and finally have that meal that was cold and gross by now. But then he realized that he had _enough,_ that there was only so much he could take. Jonghyun tried to reach out to him today, but all he got was dismissal, a little time to himself, and more of their physical connection that Jonghyun didn't need anymore. He didn't _need_ Minhyun's touch; he needed _Minhyun._

And if he couldn't separate those two situations, maybe… maybe fever-addled Minhyun was right. He needed to leave.

Jonghyun stood by the front door for a while, bag slung over his shoulder as he thought of Minhyun who was deep asleep right now. He pulled out his phone and called his newest contact.

"Hi, Aron? This is Jonghyun. Yes, it's— everything's fine. I'm just… I'm done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yes well hello there angst ,,,,, we are approaching the true climax of the fic so pls ,,, get ready for the bumpy ride , , , , ,,,,  
> there are a looot of feelings to unpack and i'd love to discuss the characters and their motivations but alas ;;; i will not spoil yall on the future of this fic hehe
> 
> re. updates in the near future, i am currently on vacation for a whole month!!!! so pls pls pls try to be understanding if i'm unable to update within that time period (and if i am then yay!)  
> but rly pls i am trying my best to make time for this so a looot of patience would be appreciated!! thank u so much
> 
> pls comment and tell me what u think is going to happen next bc [eye emoji x9842398432] things are abt to get Intense 
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening: [Shawn Mendes — Don't Be a Fool](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUFm29EsM6g) ([spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/75ty8NKQyxRKZQfi6X5zK7?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX5U6fr1hAMvg&si=AJwE-PJxSXyClQ5FalDQbg)) & [Charlie Puth — BOY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iILJvqrAQ_w) ([spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/7aSvPfoqiM0zwPqupLGaHd?si=T3A9wUYOSoa6vkEzrH-dlQ))

_"I think… I think we should end this."_

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun wasn't too concerned about how he looked tonight, especially when he already saw the worst of Minhyun while he was sick. It had been a while since they last went out with each other, and Jonghyun was genuinely happy to receive his invitation for dinner just a few hours before. Things were… a little stilted between them, but they were talking again, so that was considered an improvement. They weren't talking about the things that mattered though, like what happened between them on that couch when Minhyun was sick or maybe what the hell Jonghyun was supposed to do about whatever it was he felt for Minhyun, but Jonghyun expected that.

Aron was talking to Jonghyun too, often following up on updates about Minhyun when he was too busy to respond. He also often ranted about his insufferable boss which helped paint a picture of Minhyun, something Jonghyun knew was real this time. It helped to view him through different lenses, even if it was from a pissy text from his assistant who was constantly on the verge of quitting.

He came straight from his classes, a little disheveled and tired, but that seemed to fade away as he saw Minhyun staring at him as he entered, just as gorgeous as he was when Jonghyun first met him. Jonghyun wanted to pause at this moment, and he felt himself wanting to go back in time again, to start all over and stop himself from ruining this— or to stop this from ruining him.

_Enough._ They hadn't been to any fancy places in a while, and Jonghyun was starting to feel embarrassed about his shabbiness until Minhyun took his hand, kissed his temple, and led him to a private room where Jonghyun didn't have to feel out of place. Minhyun was nice about that. He wanted Jonghyun to have a taste of the best he could offer, but he never made him feel like he didn't belong there. It was kind of him, and Jonghyun found himself appreciating that even more tonight.

"Tired?" asked Minhyun, eyes soft and fingers brushing against Jonghyun's on top of the table. Jonghyun wanted to pull back, but he couldn't.

" _So_ tired," Jonghyun said, groaning as he sat back on his chair. Minhyun was still gazing at him as the waiters served their food, and Jonghyun squirmed at the attention, unsure of why Minhyun was so fixated on him tonight.

They tried to have a conversation, something easy and casual. Jonghyun was purposefully ignoring topics that seemed too personal, any stories or details that required too much explanation. Small talk was shitty and awkward, but Minhyun wasn't talking over him anymore, wasn't filling the silence with his endless babble. Jonghyun felt responsible for filling the dead air himself. He hated acting like things were normal, but that was what Minhyun was trying to do, right? He was just filling whatever role he had in Minhyun's life… right?

Still, they had their moments. It wasn't anything like what they shared before—the easy banter that made Jonghyun want to stay in these moments forever—but it was something. Jonghyun still teased him as much as he could, and Minhyun still laughed as he usually did. If they were trying to gloss over the rough patch they both faced in the past week, they were doing a damn good job of it.

Dinner was over a lot quicker than Jonghyun expected. The private room they got had a staircase that led to the roof; the nights were still cold, but Jonghyun needed a little fresh air to save him from this atmosphere. Minhyun made a sound as Jonghyun moved the sign that blocked the way. "I don't think we're—" Jonghyun gave Minhyun a knowing look, and he sighed as he smiled and shook his head. "Yeah, you're right, I don't care either."

They both stretched their arms over their heads at the wide rooftop space, and though there wasn't much of a view, it was still nice to watch as the city breathed and bustled in front of them. Jonghyun stood by the railing, breathing in the air. Minhyun stood beside him, silent as ever. It reminded Jonghyun of their dates on the hill, except it had been a while since they drove all the way out there. The last time they went there… things were strange.

And they were still strange now, even as their hands brushed on the railing and they looked at each other's eyes with soft gazes. Jonghyun could feel himself leaning in, feel the moment as it took over their senses. He knew where this was headed, and he cursed at himself when he realized that he was helpless to it once again. His mind was fighting against it, but…

Jonghyun tiptoed to press his lips against Minhyun's cheek, body still facing the railing and tilting his head at an awkward angle. He didn't really care about that, not when Minhyun held his face and kissed him fully, kissed him until Jonghyun naturally found himself facing him and leaning back to brace himself for how Minhyun pushed forward and filled every bit of free space around Jonghyun to hold him close.

Somehow, time and space felt meaningless as Jonghyun soaked in this moment, as his body curved with Minhyun and his mind was consumed by everything he felt in this kiss. There was heat and want and all the things Jonghyun was used to associating with Minhyun's kisses, but there was also desperation and regret and a bitterness that Jonghyun could almost taste in his mouth. It didn't feel good, didn't make his heart race the way he wanted it to.

Minhyun pulled back with a gasp, his own frantic movements suddenly catching up to him as he slowly took his hands off Jonghyun's face. Jonghyun watched as he closed his eyes, as he stepped back and faced the city again. There was something heavy in Jonghyun's stomach, something that told him Minhyun was about to say something gutting and Jonghyun was tempted to beat him to the punch.

_But he couldn't._ "I'm sorry, Jonghyun. I think… I think we should end this." Minhyun was gripping the railing as he spoke those words, and Jonghyun found himself in a similar position but he was facing Minhyun instead, searching for his eyes and the way they sparkled with the city lights. He sought those eyes because Minhyun's words rarely coincided with his actions, and Jonghyun didn't want to believe him anymore.

"Why?" asked Jonghyun, voice soft as he whispered. It was the only way to keep Minhyun from hearing how his voice cracked, how it trembled at the thought that this was happening _,_ that this nightmare was _real._

"Because I can't give you want you want, Jonghyun." He didn't have to say much more; it wasn't like Jonghyun wasn't being obvious about how he felt. It wasn't like he wasn't actively trying to build his life into something more when it came to Minhyun.

"That's—" Jonghyun swallowed his tears. "That's bullshit, Minhyun. I don't— why would you—"

"You are looking for something with me that _I cannot give,_ " said Minhyun. He looked at Jonghyun with pity in his eyes that Jonghyun didn't want, didn't fucking need. "I told you this from the start."

Jonghyun cursed under his breath. "No, no. All of this?" Jonghyun motioned at the two of them, at their surroundings. "You _knew_ what you were doing, and _apparently_ you knew what I felt. So don't— don't try to wash your hands of whatever guilt you _should_ be feeling for leading me on."

"I told you that night," Minhyun retorted, "I told you that I wanted things to stay as they were. That was me telling you that I can't— I can't give you the serious relationship you're asking for."

"I didn't ask for it!" Jonghyun hissed. "I didn't _want_ to want it, Minhyun. But you can't just expect me to not…" Jonghyun looked up and tried to stop his voice from shaking by avoiding Minhyun's gaze and how he only looked at him briefly before he went back to gripping the railings and staying as far away as possible from Jonghyun's shining eyes. "You can't expect me not to feel anything for you."

That was what made Minhyun turn his head, pain in his eyes as he met Jonghyun's gaze. Jonghyun felt the regret, the pity, the remorse in the way he pursed his lips and closed his eyes at Jonghyun's unshed tears. And Jonghyun knew that Minhyun could feel the fury, the indignation, the betrayal in Jonghyun's clenched fists. Minhyun looked away, and that said more than anything they could have tried to fight over that night.

"I can't, Jonghyun," and that was all Minhyun said for a while. They stayed in silence, a stalemate that felt endless and torturous.

It was when Minhyun shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair that something changed in Minhyun's tone. "You know, I shouldn't have— I shouldn't have expected you to understand."

"What," Jonghyun's voice was dangerously low, " _what_ is that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Minhyun turned to face Jonghyun, using his full height to stare down at Jonghyun with cold eyes, "I shouldn't have expected much from a kid. That this is me, trying to end things with you as _nicely_ as I can…" Minhyun pursed his lips as he shook his head again. "Now you're just making me look like the bad guy here."

Jonghyun scoffed, almost _disgusted_ at what he had to experience tonight. "You know what? _Fuck you._ " Jonghyun dug a finger into Minhyun's chest before he backed away. "You're wrong. I wasn't so sold on the idea of a serious relationship with you— and god, did I dodge a bullet on that one, huh?" Jonghyun's laugh was mirthless and choked. "You're a fucking nightmare, Hwang Minhyun."

"I know," said Minhyun, back to facing the city and leaning over the railing as his cold hands met the cold metal.

"Yeah, you know _everything,_ don't you?" Jonghyun yelled, and as much as he wanted to walk away from this, he couldn't help but stand beside Minhyun again and hiss by his face, "Well, you didn't know—you couldn't have _possibly_ figured out—that now I don't give a shit about whatever serious relationship we could have had. Because maybe… fuck, maybe all I wanted was for you to stop treating me like— like a _pet project_ or a _toy_. Maybe I just wanted you to stop _fucking around with me_ and start treating me like a _real person_ in your life."

Jonghyun walked back, hands shaking as his voice fell back to its normal level, as he processed the gutting feeling in his chest when he realized that Minhyun still hadn't raised his head. "But what do _I_ know, right? I'm just a kid," Jonghyun sighed, "and you're just a shitty adult, I guess."

He didn't waste much time standing there. Jonghyun walked out as quickly as he can, not bothering to look back or stop for a second. There was no hesitation in Minhyun's words, in the blows he landed all over Jonghyun. Any second spent thinking about it was another bit of Jonghyun's time _wasted._

Jonghyun nearly ran inside the nearest bus, taking a seat at the back to avoid any eyes on him. And then he sat there in silence, with the city whizzing past him, with the pain and the fury sinking deep into his belly, with the thought of Minhyun just standing there— hopefully, full of regret. Jonghyun sure was.

 

 

———

 

 

The apartment was dark and quiet when Jonghyun arrived, _much_ later than he expected. Somewhere in between the tears and the clenched fists on his lap, Jonghyun fell asleep, and the bus driver woke him up at the end of the line, a little amused but mostly concerned at his bloodshot eyes. It took him another hour to get all the way to the other end of the city, but at least it gave him some more time to think alone.

A part of Jonghyun was waiting for a text, an apology, an attempt at saving whatever it was they had. He was hoping for too much; that was totally out of the question. There was nothing left to salvage between them.

Once again, he just wanted to go back. He wanted to meet _that_ Minhyun again, the one who made this bad idea into something amazing for Jonghyun, something he never could have experienced if it weren't for Minhyun— Minhyun and the fucking _lie_ of his perfection. He wanted to experience the feeling right before he fell, the exhilaration of something new and so close to a fantasy. It wasn't the material gifts; it was the time and attention that made Jonghyun think there could be more to them beyond the physical connection that neither of them could deny nor resist. But there wasn't. Jonghyun knew that now.

He stood in the hallway for a bit before the overwhelming urge to vomit overtook his senses, and he kneeled on the tiles of the bathroom floor, tears and spit running down his chin as he emptied the contents of his stomach. It almost felt… cathartic. Like releasing every toxic bit of Minhyun that was clinging to his soul.

Like every bad breakup—not that Jonghyun had ever gone through that—he looked around his room and saw things in two categories: before the mess, and after it. There were too many things that came from Minhyun, too many knickknacks and clothes that Jonghyun couldn't stand looking at, but he couldn't muster the courage to get rid of any of them. It felt cowardly to run from the memory of him— not that he had much to draw from now that he was thinking about it. It wasn't serious, right? He shouldn't be too affected… right?

Minki came home much later, and it took him two seconds before he sat down on the kitchen floor with Jonghyun, wiped his tears away, and held him close, as close as Jonghyun would let him. Minki could have apologized for his part in this mess, he could have sworn to murder Minhyun one day, he could have proposed some extravagant way of getting over this, but he knew that wasn't what Jonghyun needed.

Jonghyun needed nothing more than silence, than something steady and real. Everything that would come later would come after he built himself back up again, but for now… he allowed himself to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao ,,,,, i didn't want to prolong the agony anymore ,, , ,, we all know this had to happen, folks , ,, , ,,, ,,,,,
> 
> tbh i wanted this to hurt more but like ,, ,,, HONESTLY GG MINHYUN IS SUCH A DICK OK THE HATE IS JUSTIFIED (but pls let me be the devil's advocate for a moment to say……… the boy has his reasons pls dont hate him too much)
> 
> i anticipate the yelling,,, go wild y'all
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening: [Shawn Mendes — Why](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1rkc_0_iMA) ([spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/1KXFoiT2n4QXRsFvhWNI4I?si=LEiIPe_hScGShdrj-3t6ng))

Minki was half-asleep, a little ticked off at his morning when a familiar face caught his eye in the café that he frequented, the one that he reserved for himself on either really special occasions or really bad days. Today was a lot closer to the latter, but it perked up a little when the _asshole's_ assistant walked up to his table. "The roommate?" he suddenly asked, and Minki gave him an unimpressed expression.

"And you're the assistant, from what I remember," he retorted. They paused for a moment before smiling, and Minki stuck his hand out. "Minki. You want to take a seat?"

"Aron," he said, then they shook hands. He looked at his watch briefly then shrugged and took a seat. "Don't mind if I do. My boss can wait."

Minki's face soured. "Yeah," he mumbled, _"the asshole."_

Aron chuckled into his latte. "Oh, you have _no_ idea how much I agree with you right now."

They looked into each other's eyes, recognizing a certain glint in the other's that made them both lean closer. "Do you… want to skip past the small talk?" asked Minki, and Aron responded with laughter and a devious grin.

"Thank god you and I are on the same wavelength." Aron's grin slowly fell as concern made its way to his expression, and his voice was laced with hesitation. "How… how's Jonghyun?" Minki mirrored his expression. "I heard little from Minhyun, but I'm not inclined to being on his side right now."

"You better not," Minki grumbled. "He fucked my best friend up."

It had been nearly a week since that night. Jonghyun hadn't… Jonghyun wasn't any better than how he was when Minki came home to him crying on the kitchen floor. Minki remembered holding Jonghyun close, remembered trying to soothe the aching burn in his soul for someone who waited to treat him like crap till the very last moment. It made Minki's blood boil, made him want to storm up to the man and punch him in the face, but Jonghyun was the one who stopped him with a hand on his arm and a shaky smile that told Minki, _'I'm not okay, but I want to be.'_

"I will seriously never understand Jonghyun," said Minki, a sigh on his lips. "He doesn't— it's like he's not even furious at Minhyun? Like, if someone told to me even just half of the shit he said that night, I might sock them in the jaw or something."

"I'm afraid to ask," Aron scratched the back of his neck, "but what exactly did Minhyun say?" Minki raised an eyebrow at him. "Look, my boss doesn't actually talk to me about all his personal issues, okay? I just have to deal with the aftermath of things without even knowing how the hell he fucked something up _this_ time."

Minki sighed. "He called Jonghyun a kid. Said he shouldn't have expected Jonghyun to understand anything, whatever _that's_ supposed to mean."

"Oh, what a dick," Aron said flatly. "I don't even— I have nothing else I can say. _Wow,_ I'm surprised Jonghyun hasn't cursed his ancestors yet."

"I would do it for him, but the boy's just… heartbroken, I guess? He mopes around for the most part, and it was really bad the first few days. Couldn't get him out of bed, couldn't get him to talk." Minki didn't have to mention how it felt like he was living with a ghost, someone who couldn't be bothered to pick himself up from the ground. "And then he threw himself into school and studying and preparing for finals and all. It's nice to see that he's trying to be productive, but—"

"But it's like watching him run himself into the ground," said Aron, a flat look of concern in his face. "Minhyun gets like that too."

"Oh really? I thought he'd be—" Minki paused and pursed his lips. "I don't actually know. I don't know if he's the type who easily gets over shit or if he actually feels any fucking guilt."

Aron sighed and held his cup of coffee with both hands. "It's not easy to believe—especially considering what he's done and how you've only heard Jonghyun's side through it all—but Minhyun is… he's a fucking mess right now.

"It started a few years back, after something that happened turned him off from relationships and from people in general. Minhyun uses work as an excuse to avoid his personal life, and I—" Aron cleared his throat. "I got sick of seeing him like that, so I set up his profile on that dating app thing and hoped that he'd figure out how to use it."

"So _you_ started this," said Minki, a smirk on his lips.

Aron raised his hands by his head and bowed. "I kind of regretted it at first, especially when Minhyun sent me on extravagant treasure hunts and deliveries for Jonghyun's shit." Minki chuckled at that. "I still regret it a bit now, knowing how much the two of them were ruined by this, but— but that's why I'm starting to feel conflicted about this."

The realization suddenly hit Minki. "Because they're _both_ in pain right now."

"Exactly." Aron sighed and shook his head. "Try to remove any prejudice you have against Minhyun right now, okay? But when they were… _dating,_ I guess, he was really trying his best to please Jonghyun. And in turn, being with Jonghyun reminded him of how it was to not be afraid of people and relationships and all that."

"So _why?_ Why'd he have to hurt Jonghyun like that?" asked Minki, brows furrowing in anger and confusion again. "It just doesn't make sense if that's the case."

"I— I don't know," Aron said. "I warned Jonghyun about this, about Minhyun and how he would suddenly pull away from people like that. I didn't think that he'd have to push Jonghyun away this badly."

"He pushed Jonghyun away, sure, but—" Minki had a bitter smile on his lips as he shook his head. "It doesn't feel like it's over, does it?"

"Something tells me these two have too much to work out for things to just end here," said Aron. "They could be good for each other— at least, Jonghyun was good for Minhyun."

"Can't say the same on Minhyun's end though," Minki mumbled, and a slow grin crept on his face as Aron laughed along.

"You're right. My boss is _such_ a dick _._ " Aron wiped his face and stared blankly at the ceiling. Minki was busy laughing as he sipped his drink. "I'd consider quitting, but… the damn idiot needs me more than ever now."

"My local idiot's in the same damn boat," muttered Minki. "And as much as I hate to admit it, they kind of need each other."

They looked at each other, helplessness written in their eyes as they sighed simultaneously. "Let's help each other out?"

"For the sake of my idiot," said Minki, "and yours." they made a little toast with their drinks before sitting and leaning back on their seats in defeat.

 

 

———

 

 

Minki's hands were shaking as he looked for Aron's name in his recent contacts and called his number as quickly as he could. "Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up, pi— Aron?"

 _"Hey Minki,"_ he said from the other end of the line. _"I've got my hands full right now; is this urgent?"_

"Yes," he said quietly, voice deeper much than usual. "It's— I kind of fucked up."

Aron was silent for a moment. _"Is this a Jonghyun situation?"_

"It's a Jonghyun _crisis,_ Aron." Minki cursed under his breath. "I… well, our finals just ended, right? A few days ago, Jonghyun was— Aron, the boy was crying, _dry heaving_ at the thought of not having anything to do, nothing to throw himself into as a distraction from Minhyun."

 _"And how exactly did you fuck this up?"_ asked Aron, a little hesitation in his voice.

"I _might_ have suggested he see other sugar daddies from that cursed app to help detach himself from the situation," he said with a small voice. Okay, maybe Minki was just being overdramatic; it wasn't _that_ much of a crisis. But the problem was…

 _"We can't— he can't be detached from this,"_ Aron said, as wise as ever, thankfully.

Minki nodded in relief as Aron understood his point. "They can't fix things if he pretends not to care about this. And honestly? Jonghyun's not— it's impossible for him to simply forgive and forget here; he's going to bury it deep, and nothing's going to get fixed." Minki's hands were shaking again. "He hasn't gotten better, Aron. Even I can clearly see that from where I've been watching him."

 _"Neither has Minhyun."_ Aron sighed. _"What do you want me to do, Minki?"_

"Talk to your idiot!" he hissed. "Tell him he has a fucking time limit, that he can't just sit on his hands and wait for this to fall off his lap. Jonghyun's pain is on _his_ ass, and if he's not the heartless bastard I think he is, he'll figure out what the hell he should have done from the very beginning."

"I got it. I'll do what I can," Aron said before hanging up. He put down the cup of coffee on the nightstand and sighed. The lump of a human being under the covers groaned as he shook it awake, leading up to Aron kicking Minhyun's ass to get him to wake up. "Minhyun. _Minhyun,_ wake up, you dumbass."

Minhyun groaned as he pulled down the covers from over his head. "I could fire you for that," he grumbled.

"I dare you to _try_ and find someone who's willing to deal with your crap the way I do." Aron kept kicking him until Minhyun groaned and waved him away, sitting up and glaring at his assistant. Aron rubbed at his face when he realized that he didn't know what the hell he was supposed to say. "You… are a piece of shit."

"You really want to lose your job, huh?" Minhyun deadpanned.

"I might risk that if it gets you to get off your ass and go up to Jonghyun right the fuck now," Aron said, arms crossing over his chest. He didn't flinch when Minhyun's face dropped into its usual cold mask, when he saw Minhyun's clenched fist on his lap.

"Aron, you have no fucking right—"

"I don't care, Minhyun." Aron started pacing, releasing all his frustration with Minhyun in one fell swoop. "You… you were a dick to Jonghyun, okay? Stop trying to excuse yourself or justify it with your past. He doesn't even— Jonghyun doesn't even _know anything_ about you. How the fuck do you expect him to understand how the hell you've been acting?"

Minhyun held his head in his hands. "Aron, stop this."

"No, not until you go to Jonghyun and fix the mess you created." Aron received a text from Minki and read it as quickly as he could. "Look, Jonghyun is— is going out there and dating some other old man as a fucking _joke,_ and it's all just to get over you. Do you even realize that?"

Minhyun reeled himself back. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I just got a text from Minki saying they're going out for, like, dinner and grocery shopping or something— I don't fucking know anymore," said Aron. He groaned as Minhyun still refused to look at him, refused to acknowledge what he was saying. "I've been talking to Jonghyun's roommate for a while now. You broke the guy and broke yourself. There's no point in hiding from this.

"Fix yourself, Minhyun. And then fix _this._ "

Aron left then, leaving Minhyun in a state of silent crisis that he didn't know how to deal with. He made it sound so _easy,_ as if Minhyun could just walk up to Jonghyun and apologize and get everything over with.

But the truth was that Minhyun didn't know what to _do._ He'd thought about this over and over again, went through all the apologies he needed to make, all the little things he could start with, but would it ever be enough? Would he ever be able to make up for the way Jonghyun's eyes shined up at him with unshed tears, with fury and hurt and things that Minhyun didn't want to dwell on but dreamed of constantly?

He couldn't stop thinking about Jonghyun. And maybe he didn't deserve someone as good as him, someone who easily brought so much joy to Minhyun's life, someone who was so damn patient until the very last moment when Minhyun broke his heart but—

Minhyun was willing to try.

 

 

———

 

 

Now, don't get Jonghyun wrong. Jisung was a nice person—a little older than He Who Must Not Be Named, sure—but he was even more pleasant, much easier to talk to. Hell, that was all Jonghyun had to do, really; Jisung established from the very beginning that he only used this arrangement service to have someone to talk to as a friend, and he was making it very easy for Jonghyun to see him as just that. It was nice.

He also didn't hold Jonghyun back as he went grocery shopping for himself and Minki. Somehow Minki's dumb suggestion didn't actually blow up in Jonghyun's face this time. This was how things should be— easy, casual, forgettable. It didn't always have to drag Jonghyun into a relationship he didn't understand, didn't have to break Jonghyun's heart all the time.

But somehow, Minhyun was still able to. Just by showing up, just by showing his _face_ as Jonghyun stepped out of Jisung's car with bags full of groceries and a smile that slowly dropped when he saw Minhyun standing in the distance, Jonghyun's day was ruined in a snap. He said goodbye to Jisung as he glanced at Minhyun and nearly ran to hide inside his dorm building.

Jonghyun closed the door behind him and leaned back on it, slowly sinking to put the bags down on the floor. Minhyun wouldn't dare come in, he wasn't going to try, he would never do anything that wasn't part of his mysterious, selfish agenda, he wasn't capable of—

His phone was ringing. Jonghyun didn't want to answer, didn't want to hear Minhyun's voice again, wanted to be _stronger_ and _firm_ in his decision to end this, but— but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to himself and tell himself that this wasn't what he had been waiting for, that these past two weeks passed by without _constantly_ having Minhyun on his mind _._ His hands were shaking as he lifted his phone to his ear, and he couldn't help but be scared of what Minhyun was about to say.

 _"—hyun? Jonghyun, can you hear me?"_ Jonghyun made a sound into the receiver, not trusting his voice at the moment. _"Good, I— I have a lot to say. A lot to apologize for. Can you… can you hear me out and let me speak first?"_ He waited, and at the silence, he heard his yes. _"Thank you. I— aren't you going to ask if I'm upset?"_

"At what?" Jonghyun managed to say. "My date? You… don't have the right to be."

 _"Exactly,"_ said Minhyun, and Jonghyun could hear the smile in his weak voice. _"Honestly, I didn't— I've never looked at anyone else since I met you."_

That made Jonghyun's breath catch in his throat, and he held the phone against his ear with both hands to stop it from slipping from his shaking hands. "Not even—"

 _"Not in my real life circle, not through that app, nowhere. Haven't even thought of anyone else. Just you, this entire time, always. Even until now."_ Minhyun sighed. _"But I don't expect that from you. You get to live your life, make your own choices. I completely respect that._

 _"And you— you made the right decision. To end things with me. I wanted it to come from you too. I didn't want it to feel like I was leaving you behind; I wanted both of us to want it to end."_  This was where Minhyun's voice started shaking. _"And I fucked up on that. I didn't need to hurt you; I— I have never wanted to, Jonghyun. But I did, and I am so,_ so _sorry."_

Jonghyun had to hold the phone away to give him space to gasp, to tear up silently as memories from that night came back. He remembered how Minhyun refused to look at him, how Jonghyun's mind ignored the soft sniffle he heard right before he left Minhyun on the rooftop.

He wanted to believe that Minhyun was an asshole through it all, that he wanted to play with Jonghyun's heart and break it, but he couldn't tell himself that this was the case. He couldn't lie and ignore how Minhyun sounded like a mess over the phone. Minhyun meant what he was saying, and Jonghyun knew that.

_"For a while, I told myself that was what I needed. You're… too good, Jonghyun. You made me too happy, made me want to be someone for someone else. And honestly, that still scares me because I know… I know I've hurt people. I didn't notice it until I realized that I was doing the exact same thing to you and I— I freaked out. I wanted to get out of this before I made things any worse._

_"Then we spent this time apart, and I tried to convince myself that this was what I wanted from the very beginning,"_ said Minhyun. _"It wasn't. I couldn't think, couldn't act, couldn't live with myself knowing that you were out there, hurt and thinking that I did all of this just to lead you on and hurt you. Jonghyun, I—"_

"Don't apologize," Jonghyun said, soft and meek. "I'm tired of hearing it."

 _"Even if I know I have to?"_ Minhyun's voice was mimicking Jonghyun's softness. _"Even if I know I deserve to do it over and over again after being so damn_ unfair _to you?"_

 "It doesn't change what you did, Minhyun. What you said." Jonghyun's voice was barely over a whisper. "Did you… mean it?"

_"Mean what?"_

"What you said that night." This was what Jonghyun needed to know. He needed to know if Minhyun ever saw him as an equal or if he ever gave Jonghyun a chance to be that.

 _"I… I did, Jonghyun."_ And with those words, a little part of Jonghyun's heart broke. _"But not— not in the way you think. You'd never understand because I never gave you the chance to, because I never tried to explain myself. Maybe that was one of the worst things I've done to you, and I'm sorry."_

That wasn't what Jonghyun was scared of. "You called me a kid." He didn't mean to sound so petulant, so alike of the child that Minhyun called him.

Minhyun sighed. _"That— I meant that, Jonghyun."_ Suddenly, Jonghyun was tempted to hang up on him. _"_ Again, _not in the way that you think. It's just— it's just a reality we have to face. Jonghyun, you and I are in different stages of our life. We've experienced things differently, we know things differently. It's not surprising that there are some things about how we see the world that we'll never understand about each other."_

"So is that it? Have you said what you needed to say? Because I'm— I'm tired, Minhyun." _And scared. I'm so scared of what you'll say next, scared because I can feel myself falling for this again._ "Can we end this?"

 _"I came here to apologize. You didn't have to listen to me, but you did, and I'm grateful for that. This time, you don't even have to accept it. I gave my reasons, and you have yours,"_ he said, a defeated tone in his voice. _"But— but I need to be honest with you, even if I sound selfish."_ He paused, waiting for Jonghyun to stop him. Jonghyun didn't. He needed to hear this, needed to know why it took Minhyun this long to come to him.

 _"I was being unfair to both of us by ending this… this_ relationship _without giving it a fair shot. Because you and I both know— Jonghyun, this was overwhelming. It was new and strange and I couldn't stop myself, couldn't help but want to be with you as much as I could,"_ Minhyun said, and maybe Jonghyun was  going crazy, but he heard the smile in his voice, one that Jonghyun had on his face too.

 _"I thought I was going to be fine after we ended things, but I wasn't. I couldn't just go back to how I was before I met you,"_ he said. _"I'm… I'm not crazy, right? It's not just me?"_

Jonghyun hesitated for a moment, knew where this was headed. He also knew what he was about to say. "No, Minhyun." He heard his voice shaking. "It's not just you."

The relief, the pure _joy—_ Jonghyun heard it all in Minhyun's voice. _"Good,"_ he said, almost weakly. _"That— you have no idea how happy you've made me just by saying that."_

Jonghyun wanted to throw that back to him, but there were more pressing matters to attend to. They couldn't let things end here, _so…_ "So… what now?"

For once, Minhyun had nothing up his sleeve. _"I don't know. I didn't think we'd make it this far."_

Jonghyun didn't know exactly what he meant by that but he agreed, not just with this conversation‚ but with everything. From starting out as strangers to connecting and wanting and needing more from each other; from loaded silence to this one talk that made Jonghyun's mind clear up just a bit; as much as it scared Jonghyun, he wasn't afraid of trying so much this time.

_"If— if you'd give me a chance, I'd like to try and make this into something real. With you."_

Jonghyun shouldn't have fallen for that. He shouldn't have, but he did.

Still, the silence scared Minhyun as much as it scared Jonghyun. _"You don't have to give me an answer now, Jonghyun. If you've made a decision, just… tell me. I won't mind either way."_ He paused. _"I mean— I_ do _care, but… forget that. I should go."_

"Bye," Jonghyun said, voice quiet as he weighed in on Minhyun's words. Did he… did he mean that? Was this real this time? After everything, all the bullshit he put Jonghyun through, did Jonghyun still want something like this with Minhyun? If he did, was that a sign of weakness? Was that a sign that he didn't know how to say no, how to cut someone off, how to save himself? Or was it a sign that he was strong enough to give second chances?

Jonghyun stepped out of the lobby and looked around, nearly running forward when he realized where he needed to be. "Minhyun!" he yelled out into the nearly-empty street. Minhyun turned around, eyes wide and bright as he saw Jonghyun from a distance. "You won't even talk to me in person?"

Minhyun chuckled and shook his head. "I'll meet when you want us to," he yelled back.

Jonghyun decided to shoot his shot. "You owe me!"

"What?" Minhyun started walking towards him. It made Jonghyun's spine stiffen, terrified him as he wondered what he'd do if he really had Minhyun standing right before him. Minhyun stopped a good distance away though, just close enough for Jonghyun to see the softness in his eyes and how his hands were shaking by his side.

"You owe me a trip," he said, and they both shared slow, soft smiles at the thought of it.

"I— I do, don't I?" Minhyun chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll get back to you on that."

"I'll look forward to it," said Jonghyun. There wasn't much else he could say, not much they could talk about now, and with that, he walked back in, not bothering to look at Minhyun as he walked away.

Still, there was something new about the way his heart skipped a beat, something terrifying, but good. There was some aching in there, a deep gash that couldn't be waved away as much as Jonghyun tried to ignore it, but Jonghyun was starting to accept the scar that was about to form.

This was a start, right? Jonghyun accepted the opportunity as it came; maybe a little nervous, maybe just a little bit hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand that's the end of the angst arc :----)
> 
> rest assured, their issues weren't hidden away and tied up with a pretty little bow or anything. it'll continue to be a topic of discussion, but maaaaaybe this'll be a better attempt at a relationship now ??? who knows ;;; after all the backlash re. gg minhyun lately, i was afraid that this apology wouldn't be enough ?? or that it would seem unrealistic that jonghyun would just take him back like that but ………… pls have faith !! 
> 
> anyway pls tell me what you think !!!! follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: explicit sexual content
> 
> recommended listening: [Carly Rae Jepsen - Let's Get Lost](https://open.spotify.com/track/5bkQ6hpM4Jh0Zd6QaDzQnP?si=yjER3IcPRrWTBVad5cUPkQ) & [Shawn Mendes - Lost in Japan](https://open.spotify.com/track/6WBTeFDEfAJbaSUUc1V1xQ?si=dGeEen9dRIClcfRMRida5A)

_"Pack your bags. Three days, two nights. I'll pick you up at 8"_

_"Oh and bring your passport ^^"_

Jonghyun groaned as the light from his phone screen nearly blinded him in his half-awake daze. _"It's two in the fucking morning I hate you,"_ he sent back quickly before scrambling to turn on a lamp and crawl around his room, looking for his bag and some clean clothes.

It was only when Minki woke up and threw a plushie at Jonghyun that he stopped and assessed what the hell he was doing in the wee hours of the morning for this stupid man and his stupid plans. "What the hell are you doing?" asked Minki, rubbing his eyes and glaring at Jonghyun for waking him up with his uncontrollable bumbling around. Jonghyun grabbed his phone and flailed his arms around; Minki took that as Jonghyun's sign for particular Minhyun-related situations and rolled his eyes in response before going back to sleep.

This was how they were for the past week. Minhyun and Jonghyun had been texting more often, with casual questions about the other's day that were replied to with short answers and a little bit of the giddiness they shared when they first started this entire thing— except this time, it wasn't just Jonghyun feeling it and showing it. He saw Minhyun's effort and his enthusiasm in the speed of his responses, in the cute little emoticons he left at the ends of his messages that Jonghyun was _sure_ he told him to stop using from the very beginning.

It wasn't like they talked about much already. They were just scratching the surface, testing the waters as they attempted to start again from the disaster of their… _previous arrangement_. Minhyun wasn't being overbearing with his attempts at engagement, and Jonghyun liked that. He liked how Minhyun was talking to him with no strings attached, without searching for something Jonghyun wanted from between the lines so he'd have something to offer to him. They almost felt like friends. It was nice.

Hours later, Minhyun was undeterred when Jonghyun opened the front door with sleepy eyes and a frown on his lips. "Ready?" he asked, taking off his sunglasses and beaming despite Jonghyun's clear lack of enthusiasm.

Jonghyun hauled up his bag and tossed it at Minhyun who received it with a pained huff. "Where are we going, Minhyun?"

"Someplace nice," he said absentmindedly, though he chuckled a little when Jonghyun got a hold of their boarding passes from Minhyun's pocket. "Now before you freak out—"

"Tokyo? _Tokyo, Japan?_ " Jonghyun's hands were shaking as he stopped Minhyun from walking away with a hand on his arm and disbelieving eyes. "No way. You couldn't have— you don't even have my passport number or anything— _what._ "

Minhyun laughed again and brushed Jonghyun's hand off. "I have a _very_ powerful assistant." Jonghyun imagined Aron calling Minki to snoop at his stuff and get all these details that were impossible to obtain without someone on the inside. _Damn these schemers._

"I can tell," Jonghyun mumbled, still staring at the boarding passes as if they weren't real, as if this was just a joke, another prank on him to play with his hopes and dreams. "This… is real, right?"

 _"Very real,"_ said Minhyun, and he closed the door of his car behind him after putting Jonghyun's bag in the backseat. Jonghyun's hand was hovering over the handle of the passenger seat door, and Minhyun took that as his cue to open it for him, to invite him inside.

There was still something painfully hesitant about the way Jonghyun looked up at Minhyun briefly before getting in, another hurdle that they couldn't get past so easily. There were a lot of those still popping up out of nowhere, reminding them of the fragile state they were in. Still, as much as it wasn't like Jonghyun to trust so easily now, Minhyun wasn't about to give this up. Just a little more push and pull, a give and take that was unlike their previous arrangement.

They sat in silence for a while; Minhyun was busy driving while Jonghyun was busy trying to make sense of all this. When he said Minhyun owed him a trip, he didn't think… "Thank you," he tried to say, small and quiet behind the sweet crooning of the singer on the radio. Minhyun glanced at him as they stopped at the red light, something soft and unreadable in his eyes.

"There's nothing to thank me for," he said, though he meant it in more ways than one. Jonghyun hated the self-deprecation, sure, but it was nice to know that Minhyun was repenting somehow, that they weren't just sweeping this under the rug because they were both tired of being miserable over it all the time. "Besides, I owe you a trip, right?"

Jonghyun smiled. "That you do."

"Yeah, so just— let this be about you," Minhyun said, avoiding Jonghyun's eyes. "I want you to enjoy this. Go— choose what we'll do, where we'll go. I'm all yours this time."

Jonghyun didn't know what he meant by that last bit, didn't know how to respond to it except with his fists clenching over his lap. "I don't want that," said Jonghyun, a little too petulantly for his own tastes. He saw how Minhyun stiffened in the driver's seat, how he pursed his lips at the sudden rejection, but that— that wasn't what this was. "I meant… I want this to be something we both enjoy, yeah?"

"I'll enjoy if _you_ enjoy," Minhyun insisted.

 _"Minhyun,"_ Jonghyun's voice was low and quiet, "this… isn't a give and take anymore, okay? You don't have to— to give me everything I want or whatever; I just want—" He paused, not sure where this was headed. "I just want something normal. And fun. And easy, maybe."

Minhyun let out a long sigh and a little chuckle. "I guess I could do that." He switched radio stations, playing something a little cheerier this time. "Actually, that's… not easy. Honestly."

Another hurdle, yet again. The honesty was appreciated though. "So? What now?" asked Jonghyun, not wanting this trip to be ruined before they even got out of the car.

"Let's start with… getting to know each other? I think that'll help." Minhyun glanced at him again. "I'm sure there's a lot you want to know."

This was new. And _weird._ Jonghyun watched Minhyun's hands as they were shaking on the steering wheel; so he was nervous about this too, huh? It was strange to watch him like this, all jittery and small and nothing like the confident, composed, _perfect_ façade that Jonghyun met months ago.

Actually, it reminded him of the night of their first kiss; the hooded eyes and clear-cut flirting couldn't disguise the way they were both shaking in each other's arms, wanting but hesitant. That felt like a common theme now, a sentiment they shared so closely.

Maybe that was the point of all of this. Minhyun wasn't in control of the situation; he was giving that to Jonghyun. Maybe he should start taking advantage of that.

"Okay, fine. How," Jonghyun paused and looked around, "how the hell can you even afford all of this? Not just the trip or this car, just— everything. How?"

"Fair enough." Minhyun chuckled. "My family helps a bit, but for the most part, I'm an executive in an entertainment company."

Jonghyun perked up at that. "Not a producer?"

"Used to be," he said with his eyes glazed over. "I loved making music, but I decided to climb the ranks instead. I… lost my sense for music somewhere in the middle of all that."

"Did you lose inspiration?" Jonghyun was trying to go for a teasing tone, but Minhyun's hard eyes told him he hit a sore spot by accident.

"Something like that."

"But you're making music again, so…" Jonghyun looked at him with bright eyes, "you found it again?"

Minhyun paused, laughed a little, and glanced at Jonghyun with knowing eyes. "… you're trying to make me say you're my inspiration, aren't you?"

Jonghyun scoffed, a bright blush spreading on his cheeks as he realized that _maybe_ he was insinuating that. "I'm not— I didn't say that."

"You're _fishing,_ Jonghyun," teased Minhyun. Though it annoyed Jonghyun to see him like this, it was still a lot better than the sadness in Minhyun's eyes, the sadness that Jonghyun never really got to see before.

"But to answer your question…" Minhyun peered at Jonghyun, voice soft as their eyes met, "yes."

Maybe Jonghyun liked this. Maybe he liked the banter, the flirting, the easy laughter that they used to share. Maybe he liked seeing Minhyun smile; maybe he liked being the cause of it. Maybe he hated how easily he blushed, but maybe he needed that little thrill in his life again. _Take it slow,_ they told themselves at the very beginning of all of this; that's exactly what they were trying to do now.

 

 

———

 

 

"Thanks," Jonghyun mumbled as he took the smoothie that Minhyun bought for him in the airport lounge. He was on his phone, going through his limited knowledge of Japanese and some of the tourist spots he wanted to go to. "Okay, we'll arrive in the airport by noon."

"Hotel is twenty minutes away via subway," said Minhyun, also on his phone as he went through the details of their trip. Aron was very meticulous about planning; Minhyun was honestly blessed to have him as an assistant.

"We can check in as soon as we arrive, so that gives us…" Jonghyun checked his watch. "Eleven? Ten hours to go before the subway closes?"

Minhyun's face fell. "We're going out for _that_ long?"

Jonghyun chuckled, hand naturally finding its way to Minhyun's knee. "Come on, old man. Keep up," he teased.

Minhyun bristled. "You know, I was okay with 'hyung', but 'old man' is pushing it, don't you think?" They smiled at each other before Jonghyun noticed where his hand was, how familiar this situation and position was for them. It was awfully suggestive, and before he realized it, Jonghyun was leaning forward as he was used to doing.

Once again, it was Minhyun who put an end to that before it led to anything they weren't ready for just yet. Jonghyun shook Minhyun's hand off his wrist and cleared his throat. "We're about to board," said Jonghyun, eyes avoiding Minhyun's. "Honestly, this is my first time on a plane."

"Really? You must be nervous then." Minhyun blinked at Jonghyun's indignation. "Excited?"

"That's a little more like it," he replied, though he couldn't hide the way his hands were shaking as they boarded and buckled themselves up. Jonghyun, the first-timer, was excited to take the window seat; Minhyun was glad to have given it to him, but he didn't expect the vice grip on his arm as they took off, nor did he anticipate the face pressed against his arm in fear.

"I lied," Jonghyun whispered into his shoulder. "I'm scared _shitless_."

Minhyun chuckled and struggled to place his arm around Jonghyun's shoulders, pulling him in and holding him close until they were done with takeoff. Jonghyun could feel himself shaking as he grew lightheaded, as his ears popped with each foot they took off the ground. He felt himself clinging to Minhyun, felt his hand in Minhyun's and felt them squeeze each other in tight grips that kept Jonghyun grounded— or as grounded as he could be at 30,000 feet in the air.

Jonghyun shuddered and released the breath he was holding when the plane stabilized and he felt a semblance of balance in the cabin. "You okay?" asked Minhyun, now tracing patterns on Jonghyun's palm. It was a little weird at the beginning, but Jonghyun felt how it helped, felt his breathing match the wide turns in the spirals being massaged into his skin. Minhyun held his gaze until Jonghyun could nod, albeit weakly.

"It gets better," he said in response, and Jonghyun allowed his eyes to close in brief pleasure as Minhyun kissed his temple before pulling his arm back and putting some distance between them again. Just for a little while, just for a little bit, they allowed their hearts to skip a beat, somewhere in the stratosphere, in a place where they weren't bound by who they were and what they'd done.

 

 

———

 

 

_"Oh my god."_

Jonghyun collapsed on the huge bed, soaking up the softness of the sheets and relaxing after a relatively stressful plane and subway ride. Minhyun, surprisingly, was competent in Japanese, maybe not in the shōnen manga-style conversations that Jonghyun knew best, but they were both able to hold their own as they navigated the jungle of the city around them.

It was also really helpful to have someone to drag Jonghyun back to reality before he lost himself in the wonder of the city he only dreamed of going to before. Minhyun had one hand on his luggage and the other in Jonghyun's, the two of them using the unfamiliarity of the surroundings as an excuse to keep each other close and laugh in their presence as they stumbled their way into the safety of their hotel room.

Before Jonghyun could pass out and waste a whole day in bed, they faced a new dilemma, one that wouldn't have been an issue many weeks ago, before everything went to shit. "I clearly remember telling Aron to get this changed into two beds," he mumbled, eyeing the phone on the bedside table. "I'll check if we can move to another—"

"Minhyun," he called out, a little smile on his lips, "it's fine."

Minhyun's spine stiffened. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You're not—" Jonghyun groaned and moved over, patting the empty space beside him. "It's a big bed. We'll be fine."

A part of it was stubbornness. Jonghyun wanted it to work out, wanted things to be normal. If he had to shoehorn his way into that, make it into a more bearable situation through whatever means necessary, then he'd do it and stick to it.

… because if he were to be honest— _completely honest_ —he liked how Minhyun sighed before resting his hand on the other side of the bed and leaning in slowly. He liked how Minhyun hesitated but decided to sit anyway, lying down with his torso in the pile of pillows and his hands folded neatly on his stomach. He liked how Minhyun turned his head to the side, gave Jonghyun a shy smile, and said, "Okay. This'll work."

And maybe Jonghyun liked how he could read into that in so many ways, in all the ways that made his heart flutter and hope. _Damn idiot,_ he thought to himself— _about_ himself. Still, something about the dopey grin on Minhyun's face told him they were on the same page.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun was trying, _really trying_ not to be too excited about this, but could he be blamed? This all felt like something torn straight out of a fairy tale or a romance novel, like a dream come true. He had an ice cream cone in hand, eyes bright and restless as he took picture after picture with everything that looked vaguely interesting or familiar.

Even better was his accompanying photographer, the one with a slowly melting cone in one hand, an amused smile on his lips, and his phone constantly in his other hand, ready to take pictures on demand.  Jonghyun ignored all the times Minhyun laughed at him, ignored the rest of the crowd when all he needed to focus on was Minhyun, smiling and waving and waiting until he could get the perfect shot of Jonghyun's perfect smile.

They were on a bench, eating takoyaki and waiting for it to cool, when Jonghyun first noticed it. They had been out for a few hours now; the sun was going down soon, and Jonghyun was too busy studying the subway map to figure out how the hell they were going to get home. There were performers across the street, couples dancing to jazz while the crowd passed by them. Jonghyun looked up from his phone just in time to watch Minhyun watching them, transfixed on their movements while his feet tapped to the music.

A few months ago, Minhyun would have poked Jonghyun's side or leaned into him, whispering something about his guess at the era in which this particular piece was composed or something about the shitty sound system and the limitations of public performances. Today, he was quieter than usual, gaze muted as it eventually found its way back to Jonghyun.

Honestly, he had been like this for the whole day. Jonghyun caught him staring a few times: while he was driving, while Jonghyun dozed in the plane beside him and caught a glimpse of his eyes as he woke, while they were walking around and it took a while for him to respond to Jonghyun's smirk and the challenge to keep going. Jonghyun didn't know if he was staring into space or staring straight into Jonghyun's soul.

A part of it scared Jonghyun. He thought this was what he wanted, what they _both_ wanted— a chance at something good and easy. But no matter how hard Jonghyun tried to make it that way, he couldn't help but feel the distance creeping back into his mind, reminding him of _that_ night and every other incident before, every single moment that made him doubt himself and his wants and this man who was walking alongside him now.

Jonghyun wished he could be braver. He wished he could say things for once, stop being a dumbass and a pushover who was never going to get what he wanted because he couldn't speak up. They were on the subway now, sitting and swaying with their shoulders pressed against each other's, when Jonghyun thought about what could have happened if he was brave _just once,_ if he was able to tell Minhyun that he wanted something more than fun and easy with him.

When could he have done it? That night he got drunk? The night they went out to the park and shared that one painful moment Jonghyun was starting to understand a little better now? Right before they had sex for the first time? Right after it? Was there ever a proper time to say something like that, or was it a helpless situation from the very beginning?

Maybe that was the case then, but it didn't have to be like that now. So Jonghyun steeled himself, hands gripping the doorknob of the bathroom right after he took a shower, and went out in search of Minhyun— Minhyun, who was sitting on the edge of their bed, hands on his lap and eyes on the far distance.

"Minhyun, I—" Jonghyun stopped himself when Minhyun looked up, lips bitten red and eyes sparkling from the light of the muted TV in the corner. The artificial light gave him an eerie glow, something soft and beautiful and _haunting_ and new and terrifying and worrying and painfully familiar and Jonghyun didn't want to go through this again, _not again please—_

"Are you— are you having fun?" asked Minhyun, soft and quiet. Jonghyun tilted his head in confusion. "Is it— is it as you hoped? Are you enjoying things?"

There was something about his voice that betrayed the way his hands were shaking, the way he stared up at Jonghyun while Jonghyun took hesitant steps towards him. "Why do you ask?" Jonghyun said, not sure if he should be teasing Minhyun or meeting the sincerity in his worried eyes.

He settled for the latter, especially after seeing Minhyun's head bow before he spoke again. "It's— I—" His voice cracked for a split second, and he looked up at Jonghyun again with panic in his expression, something that Jonghyun could only respond to with a step in his direction and a hand on Minhyun's cheek, one that Minhyun turned his face into.

"I'm _trying,_ Jonghyun," he started, still fumbling for his words as Jonghyun's touch slowly soothed his soul. "I'm doing what I can, I'm doing all that I know, but I don't— I can't tell if I'm doing the right thing."

Jonghyun paused. _Don't take this back from me now._ "What are you saying, Minhyun?"

"I meant," he closed his eyes for a second, "I can give you all of this. I can give you more. It's— it's what I've been doing all this time, but now I know. I know it's not what you want and it's not what we need." His eyes were filled to the brim with sadness, with fear, with regret and everything along that line. It felt like that night again— no, the _other_ night, the one where Minhyun bared his soul for Jonghyun to see for the very first time.

Minhyun placed his hand over Jonghyun's, pressing Jonghyun's palm against his cheek. "I don't know if this is enough, if— if anything will ever be enough to tell you how _sorry_ I am," he whispered right as Jonghyun's thumb brushed against the corner of his lip. "Because I'm trying, Jonghyun. I _promise_ I am, but I don't know if you'll ever know… how much I mean it.

"I don't know if this is a step in the right direction. Fuck, I—" Minhyun's voice cracked. "I don't know if you believe me. I don't know if you believe that I can change." He chuckled, mirthless and weak. "I don't even know if _I_ believe that I can change."

"This…" Jonghyun held his face with both hands, waiting as Minhyun breathed and grew and shrank in his hold. In this moment, he was holding _all_ of Minhyun in his hands: all his pains and insecurities and fears. It made Jonghyun feel powerful, sure, but mostly he felt…

He felt like this was real. Like for the first time, he was seeing something _real_ from Minhyun. Even if it wasn't something happy, something easy, something fun and light; even if it wasn't the fresh start that Jonghyun was trying to make it into, this was _exactly_ what he wanted: Minhyun, in all his glory, in all his pains.

Maybe that was why they found themselves in silence sometimes, silence that couldn't be remedied or alleviated by gentle touches and soft smiles. Jonghyun was trying to make this trip into something it _wasn't,_ not because he just wanted to force it, but because he didn't know that it wasn't Minhyun's intention in the first place.

He didn't want to have a fresh start. He wanted to make things _right._

And maybe it scared Jonghyun that they weren't on the same page once again. He was reminded of Minhyun's most painful words from that night; they would always see the world a little differently, and there was nothing they could do about that.

But this? All these misunderstandings and miscommunications and silence and fears? Maybe Jonghyun was still afraid of them, but Minhyun…

"I— I see it. I know." Jonghyun tilted Minhyun's face to truly look up at him. "This is… a good step. The right step."

"Really?" Minhyun didn't even attempt to hide the hope in his voice, the slight eagerness in the way his lips curled into a smile.

Jonghyun couldn't hide his smile either. "Yeah. I want to know, Minhyun. I want to know how you feel. So… thank you."

There wasn't much else he could say. Something about the silence was too much, too heavy, but they'd rather wade through the muck than stay in the silence of things unsaid, feelings and emotions that they both knew they felt but couldn't express. Jonghyun would rather know how scared Minhyun was of this; Minhyun needed to know if Jonghyun felt all that fear through the shaking of his hands on Jonghyun's, if Jonghyun could feel it in the way Minhyun wrapped his arms around Jonghyun's waist and pressed his forehead against his stomach.

In another story, this would have been the perfect time for Jonghyun to lean down and kiss Minhyun, for the fairytale to continue on this path. But in this version of events, in the relationship they've had and the things they've experienced, it wasn't right to keep going as they were. They had touch and affection and all these things to keep them physically secure in each other's presence, but Jonghyun didn't realize how much lighter he things were when he was able to say what he felt, when he heard the same on Minhyun's end.

"Thank you," Minhyun whispered into the cotton of Jonghyun's shirt, "for giving me this chance."

_Just like that._

 

 

———

 

 

Minhyun put his utensils down when Jonghyun sat up on the bed, phone over his head as he stretched his arms out wide. "So," said Minhyun, leaning back on his chair and cleaning up the breakfast he ordered through room service, "where to?"

Jonghyun rubbed at his eyes before grinning. "Disneyland."

"Typical," Minhyun said, though there was a smile on his lips as he took a sip from his mug— _not of coffee,_ Jonghyun quickly thought to himself. It wouldn't be coffee; one, because it didn't smell like it; and two, because Minhyun was incapable of ingesting coffee unless it was drowned in creamer. Facts, little things, tiny details that built this bigger picture of Minhyun that Jonghyun knew was true this time. Even with just a day, a little bit of openness, and the hope that they'd both try harder this time.

"Don't laugh at me," Jonghyun murmured, and he took a bite of the sandwich that Minhyun ordered for him. He looked at the other side of the bed while eating, at Minhyun's attempt towards making his side of the bed while Jonghyun was still asleep beside him. "You really couldn't wait for me to get up?"

When he looked back at Minhyun, Jonghyun couldn't help but laugh at the thinly-veiled disgust on his face. "Crumbs, Jonghyun. _On the bed._ "

Jonghyun rolled his eyes before putting the sandwich back down on the nightstand. He kicked off the sheets, got up, and grumbled as he walked towards the bathroom, _"Prissy."_

"I'm just _neat,_ " Minhyun retorted, and he stood to ruffle Jonghyun's bedhead before Jonghyun could escape his grasp.

Jonghyun didn't have too many expectations for this part of the trip, didn't think that there was much to do for two grown men in a theme park for kids. Still, it was a staple, and maybe he wanted to see Minhyun in a place that was out of his element, somewhere fun and bright and dumb.

He didn't expect for _himself_ to be the fish out of water as Minhyun handed him a headband with Mickey ears on them, one that matched the one Minhyun was wearing already. "No. Absolutely not," Jonghyun hissed, pressed against Minhyun's side as a crowd of kids passed by.

 _"Wear it,"_ said Minhyun, and he handed over a wad of money to the vendor before Jonghyun could get another word out.  
He turned them around and pulled Jonghyun away from the mess in the Bazaar. "It's tradition, Jonghyun."

Jonghyun crossed his arms in front of his chest. "No, it's capitalism, and I refuse to—"

Minhyun put the ears on him, laughing as it framed his head perfectly and also managed to shut him up in indignation. Jonghyun tried to pout, tried to glare at him, but there was something about this moment that made him so stupidly _giddy,_ joining in on Minhyun's laughter as they stood in an alley between two fake buildings, hands on each other in the heat of the summer.

Jonghyun pinched Minhyun's arm and attempted to take off his own headband, but Minhyun was quick enough to hold Jonghyun's hands and place them against Jonghyun's cheeks, framing his face the way Jonghyun held him just last night. "Will you stop being annoying now?" asked Minhyun, speaking slowly and sweetly as if Jonghyun were a child.

Maybe before, Jonghyun would have been hurt, offended, would have pushed Minhyun away. Right now, all he could focus on was how ridiculous Minhyun looked with those damn Mickey ears on his head, and he laughed right before kneeing Minhyun in the gut to get him off. "How about _you_ stop being annoying?"

Minhyun's laughter was warm in Jonghyun's ears, and so was his arm as he placed it over Jonghyun's shoulders and led him back to the crowd. "You ought to know this before anything else: I will _never_ stop being annoying."

Jonghyun sighed and held the hand that was resting on his shoulder. "Consider me a winner then," he grumbled, though his irritation was overshadowed by the grin that took over his face— the one that he and Minhyun shared for the rest of the day.

 

 

———

 

 

"Damn it!" Minhyun cursed in Korean, painfully aware of the kids and parents surrounding them in this arcade game. Jonghyun placed soothing hands on his shoulders, mostly trying to prevent Minhyun from throwing another pile of hundred-yen bills at the terrified game assistant.

"Calm down, idiot," hissed Jonghyun, dragging Minhyun to the back of the line to wait for his turn and let the _actual children_ have a turn at the stupid ball game that consumed thirty minutes of their day already.

They arrived early in the morning and mostly went around, walking and taking pictures with people and places that seemed cool. Sometimes they went on rides, sometimes they waited for shows; most of the time, they were quiet in the midst of the noise of the ever-growing crowd. They spent a good ten minutes on a bench, talking and laughing at a group of kindergarteners that were walking around with linked hands and cute pastel hats for the best field trip of their life.

Minhyun was chatty again, a lot warmer than the person who Jonghyun was with just yesterday. He _really_ liked music, and Jonghyun felt that in the way he could hum along to all of the songs they heard on the streets and in the shows they sat in. "I didn't think you'd be such a fan of animated movies," said Jonghyun, and Minhyun laughed in response.

"I like all kinds of movies, really, but it's the music that really gets me. I remember staying up with my sister—older sister—as a child and watching all the DVD movies my parents bought for us." Minhyun smiled. "I was basically surrounded by music as a kid."

"You're close with your sister?" asked Jonghyun.

Minhyun scoffed, though Jonghyun detected the fondness in the shaking of his head. "Pretty close. She always shits on me, but she knows me best and helps me out with myself a lot."

"My sisters are like that too," Jonghyun mused, "except on the shitting part, probably. I'm— I'm kind of their baby, I guess."

Minhyun laughed, loud and bright in the middle of Fantasyland. "I can imagine that."

"Hey." Jonghyun punched his arm. "What the hell does that mean?" Minhyun pressed his lips together and smiled as Jonghyun squeezed tightly around his arm, dragging him down in an attempt to annoy him into talking. "C'mon, spill it. Talk."

"It _means,_ " Minhyun shook him off and trapped him with an arm over his shoulders again, "you're intimidating and adorable and absolutely _spoiled._ "

Jonghyun scoffed and tried to escape from his grasp, but Minhyun pressed him closer against his body, now slipping his arm down and around Jonghyun's waist. Jonghyun should have been uncomfortable, he should have been more conscious of the few people who managed to notice them and the easy way that they walked in step, but he didn't. This was fine. More than fine.

"No thanks to you," Jonghyun whispered, and through the buzz of the crowds and the music blaring from all over, he still managed to hear Minhyun's chuckle in response.

"That _was_ my intention, wasn't it?"

Jonghyun remembered that night, the one on Minhyun's couch with hooded eyes and hands in his hair, lips against his and the brief moment in which Jonghyun was completely willing to stay in forever. In that moment, he wanted Minhyun and Minhyun wanted him. He was ready to settle for that.

Right at this moment, Jonghyun didn't know how to respond. He didn't even know why his mind brought that back up, but maybe it was the talks of spoiling him that made Jonghyun remember how Minhyun looked at him that night and promised so little while Jonghyun thought it was too much.

Now… now things were a little better. A little more meaningful, actually. Honestly, Jonghyun was touched by Minhyun's ridiculous competitiveness, all in his attempt to 'spoil' Jonghyun somehow by winning the stupid Chip and Dale stuffed toys by playing this dumb hundred-yen ball game. It was also _really_ sweet to watch him suffer for the past thirty minutes as he spent nearly 10,000 yen after his numerous failed attempts at winning.

"Jonghyun, Jonghyun, _one more,_ give me one more chance, c'mon—" Minhyun pulled out another bill from slowly-emptying wallet and handed it to the overly pleased assistant when they reached the front of the line yet again. The tiny woman set up the rings and balls and probably prayed to every god up there that Minhyun wouldn't end up rage quitting and destroying their whole setup— _or_ that he'd be stubborn enough to throw yet another wad of cash at them and help them meet their quota for the entire month, maybe.

"One last, dumbass," Jonghyun said, "and then you have to _stop making bad financial decisions._ "

Minhyun laughed, but there was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he held the ball in his hands and aimed for the center ring, the one that would _finally_ end this dumb game and win him at least one of those damned stuffed toys Jonghyun didn't even want that badly.

Jonghyun closed his eyes as Minhyun let the ball fly, and when the silence stretched out for too long… _"Holy shit,"_ the assistant said in Japanese, something that Jonghyun didn't quite understand until he opened his eyes and saw the ball perfectly slotted into the center ring and felt a plush toy being pressed into his arms.

They looked at each other in a period of silence before Jonghyun jumped up and Minhyun hugged him by the waist, pulling him closer into a tight, tight hug. Jonghyun didn't really know why he was so happy, why this stupid doll trapped in his arms mattered so much to him. Was it the time? The effort? Yeah, it was probably a big mixture of both, added with the blinding grin on Minhyun's face as he finally, _finally_ won. More than the toy, honestly.

Minhyun let go of Jonghyun's hand when they reached the back of the line yet again. "Okay, now just a few more tries until I get the second one—"

Jonghyun laughed at that, almost ready to be furious at Minhyun and his ridiculous determination. "Enough, you idiot," Jonghyun said in between his giggles, one hand holding his prize while the other held the toy loosely in its grip.

"Please, Jonghyun. I'm on a roll!" Minhyun insisted, but he allowed Jonghyun to drag him along, leading him to another one of those small alleys, this time even more isolated from the rest of the crowd. It gave them space to breathe, to laugh as the elation from winning that dumb game slowly ran out and left them tired and wheezing and warm and a little too close maybe.

"You," Jonghyun stepped closer, felt the stuffed toy resting in between their stomachs, and held Minhyun's face in his hands, "are _awful_ at games."

Minhyun chuckled, but there was a breathy quality to it that couldn't be blamed on their laughter from earlier. "I'm not giving up, Jonghyun—"

"Good," said Jonghyun, voice soft and eyes softer. "I'm glad you didn't."

Jonghyun didn't exactly know what he meant by that, but he knew that he meant it when he pulled Minhyun down for a kiss, when their eyes met and their lips touched and Jonghyun learned to ignore the world around him if it meant that he'd enjoy this moment even more.

It didn't take him long before Jonghyun decided to pull back, to breathe for a moment and process the fact that they just _kissed,_ and Jonghyun started it this time. He looked up into Minhyun's eyes and expected to see panic, expected that he'd be confused and scared that they were going at some strange, complicated pace all over again.

Jonghyun… didn't know why he didn't immediately expect warmth in those hooded eyes, the ones that were locked on his lips as if he were ready to dive back in at that moment. _And he was._

And then Jonghyun was surrounded in that— the warmth, he meant. It was more than the sun in the far distance and the brick wall searing his arm. It was more than the kiss, more than that look, more than the arms wrapped around his waist where they were used to being. It was even more than the smile on Minhyun's face or his laughter that both annoyed and enraptured Jonghyun.

It was the feeling that he reached out and finally felt someone pulling back in response. It was the feeling that he was a little less afraid to pull Minhyun in, to fall for this again.

_Again. Again and again, it could happen all over again. You're doing it again, he'll do it again, you'll never escape this, you'll always fall for this, you'll never learn, you'll never grow, you'll always be a kid, again and again—_

Jonghyun couldn't pull away, not when Minhyun made that decision for him but kept his arms around Jonghyun's waist. "We—" he panted, breath fanning against Jonghyun's lips, "we are in _Disneyland_."

It was the comment that made the tension seep out of Jonghyun's bones, made him melt into Minhyun's arms, sinking into his touch until he felt the plush toy nearly falling from its precarious position between them. Jonghyun reached down and brought it up to safety, also managing to pull back from Minhyun before they got carried away again.

_Again._

Minhyun cleared his throat. "… are you sure you don't want that other toy?"

Jonghyun thought about it for a second, but then his mind drifted back to the thirty minutes they spent standing in line and losing and losing money, and decided against it. _"Enough, dumbass,"_ he grumbled before reaching out for his hand and pulling him back to the crowded streets.

But before they made it back to civilization, Jonghyun paused, turned around, and cupped Minhyun's face. He didn't know what to do, where to start, but when Minhyun dipped down to kiss him, Jonghyun knew exactly how to position himself, how to fall into something that seemed too easy and too good.

"Thank you," he whispered against Minhyun's cheek. Whatever that meant, whatever it was referring to, both of them were yet to figure it out.

 

 

———

 

 

Shoes taken off, half-full bags of popcorn in the trash, Jonghyun's hand on Minhyun's as they leaned back on the grass. "It's starting," Minhyun whispered, and they waited a few more seconds before the impressed cheering of the crowd filled their surroundings. The fireworks show was the last part of their agenda for the day, both of them exhausted after a long day of running around in the heat and competing with the rest of the children that surrounded them. It should have been weird for two grown men to be right here, right now, but… they didn't really care.

They didn't care about how close they were sitting to each other, how anyone could pass by them and clearly see the look in their eyes as they quickly grew bored of the fireworks in the sky and decided to focus on each other. They weren't stopping themselves from talking, from laughing, from leaning in to hear each other speaking, from brushing lips against earlobes and melting in response.

It reminded Jonghyun of those nights in the park, of magical moments that were soured by something confusing and painful. It reminded him of Minhyun sharing a peek into his soul then shutting Jonghyun out before he could even adjust to whatever darkness was hiding within. And yet with a little glance, Jonghyun knew he wasn't afraid of knowing more, of knowing _Minhyun._

There was something powerful in the air that night, something that followed them all the way back to the hotel. Jonghyun sat on his side of the bed for the longest time after his shower, watching and waiting and listening for the tell-tale sound of the shower being turned off. He glanced at the table, at the two headbands on top of each other, carelessly discarded as the two buckled down in exhaustion immediately.

Jonghyun jolted up when the light from the bathroom spilled into the dark bedroom, when Minhyun walked out and quickly grabbed the shirt he forgot on the bed. Jonghyun didn't know why he averted his eyes, why he was so afraid to look at Minhyun now. He kept his eyes trained on the headbands, on the merchandise that they carelessly bought, on everything but Minhyun's eyes as he walked towards the bed and took a seat on his side.

 _This…_ this was the calm before the storm, and there was something painfully familiar about this silence. It scared Jonghyun, honestly, but then Minhyun showed him that there was little to fear anymore.

"We should talk about this, shouldn't we?" said Minhyun, clearing his throat and unknowingly reaching for Jonghyun's hand on top of the sheets. Briefly, he circled his fingers around Jonghyun's, playing with his bony knuckles and giving Jonghyun the urge to lift them and place a kiss on his hold on him.

His words dampened Jonghyun's need to jump him, to jump into this mindlessly as they had done before. Once before, he thought he was the only one who cared about this, the only one who bothered to ask the important questions. But for once, _right now,_ Minhyun stopped him with a hand on his and eyes that betrayed the same vulnerability Jonghyun saw in him right before their first kiss.

 _Fear me,_ Jonghyun wanted to say. _Fear what I can do to you, the way I fear your effect on me._

"Are we jumping into this again?" Minhyun asked, voice trembling as his hand moved and his thumb searched for Jonghyun's pulse point. It jumped at his touch, and Jonghyun squeezed back to tell Minhyun that _yes,_ he could feel Minhyun's pulse against his skin too. He could hear Minhyun's breathing grow heavier as their bodies turned to face each other, slow and steady, like waves pushing and pulling until they found the rhythm of their breathing and their hearts beating.

"Are we?" Jonghyun didn't like playing this game, didn't like how unsure he sounded. It made him feel like neither of them was strong enough to support the other, to be the firm pull that would make this decision for them. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was good that they laid out all their cards like this, made it easy to know that neither of them was keeping anything from each other, not fear nor hesitation nor _want._

Minhyun lifted their hands and pressed a kiss against Jonghyun's knuckles, the same kiss that Jonghyun wanted to give just a few moments ago. It could have been seconds, minutes, _ages_ since they started this; time seemed to be irrelevant as they sat there in near-silence, simply breathing and being and reveling in the feeling of being on the same page of uncertainty and…

And _desire_. The good kind of desire. The one that made Jonghyun's hands shake and made Minhyun's lips tremble as he held them against Jonghyun's skin.

"I think I know what I want a lot better now," said Minhyun. His voice was small, earnest. His held Jonghyun's gaze for the longest time. Jonghyun knew what that meant.

"And it's not—" Jonghyun swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's not jumping in if… if we know better, right? It's not like we're pretending this is… a fresh start or anything."

"Because it's not," answered Minhyun, voice rising as he met Jonghyun's nervous energy. "It's working with what we have— working _on_ what we are."

Jonghyun didn't realize how close Minhyun was until he felt Minhyun's free hand cupping his cheek as he crawled forward and leaned into Jonghyun's space. He didn't hesitate to tilt his chin up, didn't wait for Minhyun to close the gap before Jonghyun did it for himself, made that decision without any further prodding. There was still a lot to talk about, a lot that needed to be said, but all they needed was a _start._

"I want you," Jonghyun whispered into Minhyun's mouth, allowing himself to be pushed onto his back with Minhyun leaning over him and staring at him with— with absolute _adoration_ in his eyes, with something that made Jonghyun choke up as Minhyun dived back towards his lips with a barely-concealed smile.

Jonghyun held Minhyun's face and dug his fingers into his cheeks, laughing as Minhyun pouted and turned his face to kiss Minhyun's wrist. "Your face… you were more gaunt a few weeks ago," said Jonghyun. It was true. The Minhyun that came to him that night, desperate and full of regret, was nothing like the bright and nervous Minhyun whose face he held in his hands tonight.

"I guess I've been taking care of myself a little better. I feel better, better with you—" said Minhyun, and even with only the low light from the hallway, Jonghyun saw how his cheeks turned pink. "I'm just… I'm glad you noticed."

"I like you like this." Jonghyun meant that in more ways than one. He liked his awkward giggle, so similar to the man he first met all those months ago. He liked Minhyun's slow movements, the way he peeled off his shirt and slipped his hands under Jonghyun's and waited until Jonghyun nodded and sat up before he helped him undress. He liked how Minhyun's kisses were a little sweeter now, their passion burning down to a slow and steady simmer that Jonghyun could feel flaring up at each point that they touched. Jonghyun liked him as he was, with none of the perfection that he was trying to sell to him before.

Minhyun kissed down Jonghyun's neck, smiling when he felt a hand slipping under his boxers and cupping his ass already. "How do you want me, Jonghyun?"

That was an opportunity. It was a wild card, a chance for Jonghyun to enact whatever he wanted with Minhyun, to release whatever fury or desire he was still holding back. And yet all he wanted— all he wanted was _Minhyun._ All he wanted was to do it _right_ this time, none of the pain and the confusion that kept Jonghyun from taking the most that he could from last time, from their first time.

"Take me the way you want to." Jonghyun bit his lip and cupped the back of Minhyun's neck. "Take me the way you should have before. _All of me, Minhyun,"_ Jonghyun said, breathless and wanting.

"All of me," Minhyun repeated, and Jonghyun understood what that meant when Minhyun leaned down to kiss him again, this time slower and deeper and longer than any they've shared before. It made Jonghyun's toes curl, made his hand tighten around Minhyun's neck, made him curve up to meet the firmness and warmth of Minhyun's chest against his.

Jonghyun couldn't help but sigh as he was helped up, as they sat on their heels with their hands wandering up and down the planes of their bodies in an attempt to gain as much information as they can at once. He was overwhelmed by sensation, overwhelmed by the way Minhyun's hands kneaded into his muscles, the way he smiled against Jonghyun's skin _constantly._ It made him feel good, feel wanted, feel loved—

_Stop. Too much, too fast._

Jonghyun found himself on his back again, tense and arched as Minhyun went down on him with his mouth. He had his own fingers in his mouth in a feeble attempt to hold back the moans that Minhyun was drawing out of him with every bob of his head. Jonghyun reached out for a shirt, a pillow, _anything_ to hide the way his face was contorting as he neared his release. "Minhyun, you have to—"

Minhyun pulled back, hand gripping the base of his dick, and held Jonghyun's wrist with his free hand. "Look at me, Jonghyun."

He didn't want to, didn't want this vulnerability to shine in his eyes, didn't want to show Minhyun just how much power he had over Jonghyun, but then he did— and he didn't expect to see that same vulnerability in Minhyun's eyes, hidden past the deep darkness of his eyes as he went down on Jonghyun again, keeping their eyes locked on each other as Jonghyun came in his mouth again, so similar to the first time but _infinitely different._

Maybe there was still the same feeling of coming down from an amazing high. Maybe Minhyun still spit into a tissue and kissed him on the cheek as he slid back up beside Jonghyun. Maybe there was still that same thrumming energy in the air, the one that told Jonghyun that tonight was _far_ from over.

But there was also the way Minhyun looked at him, the way his palm dug into Jonghyun's chest and his fingers traced patterns on his skin as he waited for Jonghyun to catch his breath. There was the laughter whispered into the crook of Jonghyun's neck as he weakly hit Minhyun's ribs.

"You… you tired me out, you dumbass," Jonghyun hissed, though his words lost all their venom as he sighed into Minhyun's hair.

"You're young; keep up," teased Minhyun, and all Jonghyun could do in response was pull him in for a kiss, something a little chaste and slow. Minhyun wasn't pushing Jonghyun this time, wasn't trying to escalate the situation until Jonghyun decided he wanted that. It was nice. Jonghyun could take his time with this, take his time mapping out Minhyun's mouth and body, take his time without thinking that he needed to do anything in return.

He felt his legs wrapping around Minhyun's waist, felt the way the mood shifted as Minhyun's dick brushed against his skin. "Not yet," said Minhyun, and Jonghyun didn't mind as Minhyun whispered that into his mouth, whispered more words and thoughts and downright embarrassing praises into Jonghyun's mouth, his ears, his skin.

Jonghyun felt every inch of his body being marked by Minhyun's lips, by the honey that was spilling from his lips. Minhyun worked his way down, hands finally sliding down behind Jonghyun's thighs, before going back up again, taking Jonghyun in another one of his toe-curling kisses. Jonghyun wanted to be annoyed, frustrated at Minhyun's teasing, but he couldn't say no to Minhyun when he held Jonghyun's face again and smiled with his eyes.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asked, smile slow and languid. He lied on his side with his hand on Jonghyun's stomach, fingers tracing the lines of his chest. He looked like he could take all day with this and not get sick of it, not in the slightest. Jonghyun could say the same.

 _"Yes,"_ said Jonghyun, quiet but firm. He couldn't trust his voice to do much more, couldn't trust that he wouldn't betray some of the deep, deep desire that was starting to rouse within him again.

That was all Minhyun needed to hear. He didn't waste much time trying to tease Jonghyun, trying to prolong this further. In the low light of the room, Jonghyun could barely see Minhyun, but he could _feel_ him. He could feel the way his slick fingers moved inside Jonghyun's ass, felt his other hand digging into Jonghyun's flesh in an attempt to soothe the initial discomfort. He felt his body all over, felt it pressing against Jonghyun's legs as he pushed into Jonghyun, as all of Jonghyun's senses were consumed by Minhyun all over again, _as they should be._

"Jonghyun, I—" There wasn't much they could say, wasn't much space in their minds for anything other than overwhelming _warmth_ and _need._ Jonghyun felt himself screaming silently into his arm, nails digging into Minhyun's back in an attempt to hold himself back from verbalizing how absolutely fucking _amazing_ it felt to be in Minhyun's arms, to have Minhyun inside him, to feel Minhyun's control slipping as they chased a release that both of them had been waiting for all this time, something that they barely even grazed in the past.

Nothing, _nothing_ would come close to the pure euphoria of meeting each other's eyes and knowing that there was nowhere else either of them would rather be at this moment. Jonghyun held Minhyun's face, and Minhyun held Jonghyun's gaze, both of them unafraid of the want or the vulnerability or any of the truths that lied in their eyes. They met on level ground and held each other close until they reached their high, until Jonghyun grunted into Minhyun's shoulder and Minhyun moaned into Jonghyun's hair, until the climax was over and they were left with themselves, _as_ themselves. Nothing more, nothing less.

Minhyun collapsed beside him, arm slung over Jonghyun's waist as he tried to cuddle closer. Jonghyun raised a sweaty leg and kicked him away, groaning as the movement made a jolt of pain shoot up his ass. Minhyun laughed at his discomfort and moved in to kiss his neck and pull Jonghyun in, despite his complaints. Minhyun was running his fingers through Jonghyun's hair, both of them trying to catch their breaths, when he said something that made Jonghyun's spine stiffen.

"Talk later?" he whispered into Jonghyun's ear, and it made Jonghyun panic for a moment, forced him to remember a painful day that made him fear this irresistible physical connection of theirs. He hated it for so long, hated how something so natural to them absolutely _ruined_ everything else they could have been.

… but honestly? Looking back now, it wasn't sex that ruined them. It was easier to blame it on events, situations, and not something a lot closer to home. It was who they were at the time, who they tried to be to each other. Minhyun was trying to be someone who detached himself from the situation and ignore the way they fit with each other despite all the mental hurdles and roadblocks he put between them, while Jonghyun was trying to be someone who didn't care enough and went with the flow even if he knew exactly what he wanted from this.

That was the past. That was who they were before the split, before everything fell apart. And it would always be a part of them, an attitude or behavior that would haunt them in times of insecurity or loss, but that wasn't enough to stop that same giddy feeling they shared that night— the joy of optimism, of _hope._

Because it wasn't terrifying to hope anymore.

"Later," mumbled Jonghyun. He turned over and dug his nose into Minhyun's chest. "Did you _have_ to make me go two rounds?"

Minhyun laughed into Jonghyun's hair, and it took them a little more maneuvering for Minhyun to end up on his back while Jonghyun had his head on his chest, breathing in time with Minhyun. Jonghyun felt Minhyun's hand on his arm, felt the calming patterns he always traced on Jonghyun's skin. Jonghyun was starting to recognize it now, starting to anticipate the smooth brushing of the pads of Minhyun's fingers on his skin in a circular pattern that looped and linked around itself. He felt himself drifting to sleep with Minhyun's heartbeat serving as his lullaby.

"Stay up with me," Minhyun said, voice barely above a whisper to avoid disturbing Jonghyun if he was already too late. He wasn't, but Jonghyun groaned in response.

"Please don't tell me you want to have sex again—"

"I— no!" Minhyun laughed again, same loud staccato laughter that shocked and annoyed Jonghyun the first few times. Now it was a sign of good things, of the mood in a moment that was irreplaceable. Jonghyun did his best to sit up and moved to kiss Minhyun on the lips, soft and slow, no heat in the movements that were only meant to affirm them both.

"Fine. What do you want to do?" said Jonghyun, and he folded his hands together on Minhyun's chest and rested his chin there, face a little too close to Minhyun's. It was good though; it gave him a good view of Minhyun's lashes, how they fanned out while Minhyun blinked and looked at him with hooded eyes. It gave him the perfect opportunity to catch Minhyun's smile as it formed, as the corners of his lips curled slowly at the sight of Jonghyun right there, just watching and slowly dozing off.

Minhyun had a hand on his hair, and Jonghyun groaned as his slow, soft stroking made Jonghyun even drowsier. It made Minhyun smile, though, to see Jonghyun so warm and pliant in his arms. So calm, secure. It was all they could want.

_For now._

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun woke up first, surprisingly. As much as he wanted to stand, get cleaned up after the two of them promptly passed out before anyone could take the initiative, last night left too much of an impact on his ass and legs, now too sore for him to properly move. He sighed and turned around, smiling as he caught Minhyun still sleeping beside him. They weren't able to stay up as late as they wanted to, but it wasn't like they were able to do anything more than stare at each other and share soft kisses until they both fell asleep.

It was good though, the calmest Jonghyun had ever been in so long. He gazed at Minhyun's sleeping face, at the peace in his features. He was sure that if Minhyun had woken up first, he would be doing the exact same thing to Jonghyun, except he'd have his hands in Jonghyun's hair and another on his waist, effectively ruining Jonghyun's sleep. It would have been annoying, but… Jonghyun would have liked that.

He would have wanted to see Minhyun's smile first thing in the morning. He would have wanted to meet Minhyun's warm eyes and touch his warm skin and be wrapped in every bit of comfort that he had been waiting for this whole time. And this was something he knew would be true, something he was sure of when it came to Minhyun.

He couldn't have said the same thing before. Now, he knew why things happened, and that they happened for a reason. Sometimes too painful, but sometimes for the better.

That seemed to be the case, especially when Jonghyun woke up after drifting off again, this time with Minhyun's lips on the back of his ear and his thumbs digging into the base of Jonghyun's spine. "Good morning," whispered Jonghyun, voice rough and low.

"There's— there's this little divot here," Minhyun dug his thumbs even harder into Minhyun's flesh, "right there."

"And?" Jonghyun squirmed as Minhyun breathed down his neck.

"I don't know," he responded, quiet and careless. "I never got to notice that before."

Jonghyun turned around and hooked a leg around Minhyun's thighs, rolling them so that he was on top of Minhyun again. He sighed as Minhyun cupped his face and kissed his neck before claiming his lips again. That started the rhythm of their morning, slow hands and soft lips and hitched breathing, and the two of them fell into it easily, effortlessly. Jonghyun couldn't be bothered to think, not when Minhyun was so insistent on holding him close, on pulling him back with laughter against his lips every time Jonghyun tried to squirm out of his grasp.

Minhyun broke it off with more breathy laughter against Jonghyun's cheek, and he helped Jonghyun roll back to a comfortable position beside him. The sheets were tangled in their legs, but that didn't stop them from tangling them with each other's, and Jonghyun sighed with his eyes closed as they finally settled with Minhyun's hand on his waist and his leg between Jonghyun's.

"So," started Minhyun, "where to? Our flight's at night, so we have time to go out for a while."

Jonghyun was playing with his hair, running his fingers through Minhyun's soft, dark strands. He slid his hand down, holding Minhyun's face and pinching his cheek. That earned a laugh from Minhyun and the overwhelming urge to cuddle a little tighter, a lot longer. "I want to stay like this."

"Like this?" said Minhyun, pulling Jonghyun closer by the waist and kissing the tip of his nose.

Jonghyun smiled and swatted Minhyun's face away. "Like this, yeah."

"Okay," Minhyun whispered in response, but his eyes softened when they met Jonghyun's. Just for a moment, silence. They soaked it in, accepted the state of things, processed and understood everything they were thinking and everything they wanted to say. This was not the calm before the storm; this was the cusp between spring and summer: warm, fleeting, but leading to something brighter and more beautiful.

Jonghyun cleared his throat. "Have you… ever lied to me?"

It didn't seem to faze Minhyun anymore. Over the past two days, he'd been a lot more open to questions, to stories and anecdotes and little things about himself that he once tried to keep hidden away. But there was a twinge of guilt in his eyes as he nodded at Jonghyun's question.

"Yes," he answered simply, but he knew Jonghyun wasn't going to be satisfied by that. "I lied… when I said I just wanted to have fun with you, nothing more. I mean— I meant it then, but I realized that wasn't the case very, very soon after that. And by not telling you that my mind changed, I lied."

Jonghyun swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't think the atmosphere was going to be this heavy this soon. "Anything else?"

"I lied… about my age." Minhyun chuckled nervously, and Jonghyun could feel the shaking from the hand on his waist. "I'm actually turning twenty-nine this year."

It… well, _of course_ it was surprising. "Eight— eight years, huh?"

"Yeah," Minhyun said gruffly, and Jonghyun could see his guilt in the way Minhyun averted his eyes. Jonghyun felt the gap a little too suddenly, and things started making a little more and yet a little less sense all at the same time. "Are you… upset?"

"Not at the age, no." Jonghyun wasn't lying. Sure, it was a shock, but it didn't change the fact that Minhyun was _Minhyun,_ no matter how old he was. "I just— why'd you lie?"

Minhyun sighed, and Jonghyun took that as his cue to brace himself for something raw and painful. That sigh was similar to his gasp from the night they broke things off; it was a sign of something darker, something Jonghyun didn't often see with Minhyun. "I said I was twenty-five because that was how old I was when I ended things with my fiancée. Or… when she ended things with me, more accurately." He bit his lip. "Basically when my life went to shit and I couldn't get myself together for the longest time.

"She was, uh, my best friend all my life, honestly. Knew me like the back of my hand. Loved me for all that." Minhyun closed his eyes for a second. "I could say the same, except I was too complacent with how we were that I never thought I'd lose her. I worked my ass off without thinking about anyone else, without thinking of her, and she realized that just because you know someone for all that they are, doesn't mean you'll ever have all of them. I couldn't… give myself to her, and she left because she knew she deserved better."

Minhyun chuckled, mirthless and pained. "I was kind of an ass."

"Already?" Jonghyun teased, but he had a hand on Minhyun's when he felt how much it was shaking. He didn't know what to say, how to break this tension.

"I was, Jonghyun. I really, _really_ was. I kind of have been for the longest time, so I thought I was better off by myself and working for myself until I climbed the ranks and realized that I was so, _so_ fucking unhappy," he murmured. Jonghyun saw his throat bob up and down, and it made Jonghyun sigh too. This must not have been easy to realize, and it certainly wouldn't be easy to share it to someone who he clearly knew he hurt.

"I tried to talk to her once, but she pushed me away before I could even say anything," said Minhyun, tangling his fingers with Jonghyun's to avoid looking into Jonghyun's warm, prying eyes. "She's tried, but she hasn't found anyone since we broke it off. Said that no one compared to me, but when I tried to offer myself, she rejected me flat-out. Said that she wouldn't do that to herself again, not after it took me two years to muster up the courage to face her again. Not when it was too late and the damage had already been done.

"And it just—" Minhyun's voice cracked, and his eyes widened in panic. "It sucked to know that I could hurt someone that much."

That made Jonghyun's breath catch in his throat. This… this seemed like a familiar story, like something Jonghyun himself had experienced. And with the look in Minhyun's eyes, Jonghyun knew.

_He didn't want to make the same mistake all over again._

"Why… why did you lie?" Jonghyun repeated, realizing that Minhyun didn’t really answer his question.

Minhyun shrugged in response. "Aron made that profile for me long ago as a joke, but I changed the age because I just wanted to try again, start from where my last attempt ended. It wasn't… meant to be serious," he said, voice quiet and— honestly? A little scared of what he was trying to say.

"'Long ago'? Then why so suddenly? Why did you choose… me?" Jonghyun hesitated on the last word, didn't know if he was fishing for an answer that he was even going to get.

Minhyun chuckled and lifted his hand to stroke Jonghyun's face. "Curiosity, at first. I got bored and went through the app. It was pretty dumb; everyone was just trying to show off or look pretty, but—" Minhyun couldn't stop smiling. "It was all Minki's fault, probably."

"What," Jonghyun deadpanned.

"He… chose the best pictures of you," Minhyun said softly, and Jonghyun couldn't look away as he held his face and stroked his temple, his eyes, his cheek, the corner of his lips. "You were smiling. It was beautiful. And that… that was it. I thought— I want to smile like that again. Or make someone else that happy, the way you looked."

Jonghyun paused, felt his heart clench and soar at the simplest of words, at the thought that Minhyun stopped at him and _chose him_ for something so simple, at the thought that he needed to give so much of himself to Minhyun when all he wanted… all he wanted was the smallest thing from Jonghyun. To see him happy. To see him _smile._

"Cheesy," Jonghyun whispered, but he couldn't help his lips from curling into its usual position when it came to moments like these, the moments that filled his heart up to the brim.

"Hey," Minhyun said, soft and sweet, "I did it." And then he smiled, bright and true.

Jonghyun's face dropped as it dawned on him that he— that _this man,_ with his flaws and mistakes and his willingness to change and his sweet voice and his beautiful smile and his warm eyes and his downright obsession with the strangest things and his annoying antics and _everything_ — this man was someone Jonghyun was willing to know, someone he was willing to smile for and smile with and _be_ with and _love,_ if that was on the table at any point in the future. And it was good to know that maybe he was that person for this man, that maybe everything—from the good things to the bad, from the want to the need to the pain—maybe none of it was one-sided from the first place.

He placed his hand on Minhyun's chest, felt his heart beat beneath his palm the way it did all those weeks ago, when they first lied beside each other like this. The pain, the hesitation, the wrongness of it all felt like a lifetime ago; today, Jonghyun held Minhyun's heart in his hand by choice, by willingness, by want of something good and _real._

Jonghyun pressed Minhyun against the sheets that morning, the two of them stumbling through steps as they allowed themselves to be vulnerable to one another in a completely new way. It was almost as if this was their first time— and it was, in a way. "Really?" asked Jonghyun, two slick fingers stretching Minhyun open.

"Didn't— have much time to experiment in that way," Minhyun grunted into his fist, but Jonghyun knew the tops of his cheeks were bright pink, same as the uncontrollable flush on his chest. It made Jonghyun smile, made him work a little harder to make it good, to make Minhyun moan into the air as he entered him slowly.

 _Slowly._ Slow and steady and stubborn as they pushed each other to their limits, to the limits of their desires. Each kiss was met with another; each bite was soothed with a kiss and tug on one's lips with the other's teeth. Each push was met with a shove back, until they were grasping at each other for purchase as they reached their climax yet again.

They were a little wiser now, in both the aftercare and in the rest of their relationship that was to follow after. This felt a little bit like jumping in, but they were willing to do that, willing to fall cautiously into something that they were still hoping was going to be good. _This time will be better._

 

 

———

 

 

"Happy birthday!" cheered Minhyun, one hand holding a box of cake and the other with… _no fucking way._

The last time Jonghyun saw Minhyun was when he was dropped off at his dorm building with a long kiss and two huge bags of clothes and merchandise and random knickknacks they picked up on their trip. Minhyun was a little hesitant to go, to end this fantasy, but Jonghyun assured him that this wasn't the end of it, same as Minhyun did for him with the soft look in his eyes and the way he refused to let Jonghyun's hand go.

They talked over the past few days— _often,_ actually. In the morning, throughout Jonghyun's usually boring days, all through the night too, which annoyed Minki for the most part. Jonghyun would send pictures of himself doing random things, while Minhyun finally learned how to use chat stickers and discreetly look for the perfect ones while he was bored out of his mind in his many meetings. Sometimes Minhyun even sent videos to him, little snippets of songs he was working on. Jonghyun heard his sweet voice, singing of love and loss and dreams. It felt like a window into Minhyun's soul, and it all felt a little too smooth, too easy now.

But this? Seeing Minhyun in his doorway, with a cake in one hand and the _chipmunk stuffed toy_ that they couldn't win from that damn ball game a few days ago in the other? This was… fucking ridiculous. Adorable, _absolutely—_ but still ridiculous.

"No way," whispered Jonghyun as he held it in his hands and wondered _how the fuck_ did Minhyun get his hands on this? Unless… "Don't tell me you sent Aron to Japan just to play for this." Minhyun's spine stiffened; Jonghyun took that as his answer. _"Minhyun."_

"What? I pay him to do that!" he retorted, laughter bubbling in his throat as he realized exactly how ridiculous he was sounding at the moment. "He— I made him stay at the Ambassador Hotel! That's a big deal!"

Jonghyun laughed and put the toy aside, holding Minhyun's face and pulling him down for a kiss filled with chuckles and giddy teasing. Minhyun put the cake down, wrapped his arms around Jonghyun's waist, and held him close as they kissed, as Jonghyun melted into his arms. "Thank you," Jonghyun whispered against his lips, and he could feel Minhyun's smile against his chin. He knew his expression wasn't far off from that either, "for the gift. And for this."

Minhyun must have known that he meant nothing else but _this,_ right? Nothing else but Minhyun in front of him, in his arms, on his phone records, in his mind constantly, in all the best ways possible?

Minhyun didn't say anything in response. But Jonghyun knew: they understood.

"Adorable," someone said in the background, and the flat voice and mild irritation could only be attributed to a certain Choi Minki, standing in the hallways with bags of pork ribs and chicken while a bored Kwak Aron was behind him with a box of pizza and drinks. "Are you idiots done so we can put these inside?"

Jonghyun's eyes narrowed. "Did you—" He punched Minhyun's stomach. "You planned this! With _you,_ " he hissed at Minki.

"Wrong," mumbled Minki as he stormed his way inside the dorm room and into their tiny kitchen. "I caught these two idiots outside, standing like dumbasses while yours needed a pep talk for the past five minutes." Jonghyun caught the way the corners of Minki's lips twitched. "He was like a schoolgirl scared to confess to his crush."

Aron snorted as he opened the box of pizza. Minhyun pinched his arm in response. "Fuck you; you're fired," he grumbled.

"I _dare_ you, Hwang," said Aron, grinning as he picked his seat at the table beside Minki.

Jonghyun sat in the doorway of the kitchen as the four of them bumbled around their tiny table, so quickly and casually and effortlessly. Minki was talking to Aron as if they were old friends and teasing Minhyun for being old. Aron maneuvered past their near-empty cupboards like he was completely at home. Minhyun was…

Minhyun was there, smiling and laughing and hitting back every time the other two took a dig at him. Minhyun was there, sitting and waiting with soft eyes as Jonghyun took the seat beside him. Minhyun was _here—_ in Jonghyun's life as a friend, a lover, as someone who Jonghyun wasn't afraid of anymore.

He reached out for Minhyun's hand under the table. Minki and Aron noticed but kept silent with knowing smiles hidden in the tight lines of their lips. For a moment, the path to get here flashed in Jonghyun's head, all the struggles and lies— to each other and to themselves.

 _Never mind,_ he thought to himself. _This… this is good now._ _This time around, we'll be better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg congrats on making it past my most stupidly long chapter ever ???? this honestly escaped me and i'm sorry not sorry ahhahahah
> 
> tbh i've had such a difficult time writing this chap bc i didn't know if gg minhyun's transformation was going to be too sudden. like, from an asshole who no one understood back to the sweet guy we first met ++ this puppy-like attitude of remorse and regret ??? was that even realistic ?????
> 
> then i realized some things:  
> 1\. with the reveal of his actual age, his kid insult has a lot more context. it's true; he has gone through so much more compared to jonghyun, and the difference in how they were approaching this trip showed that. he's a lot more mature, and i personally think he's more capable of that kind of drastic change.  
> 2\. then again, it's not too drastic if you think abt how he's gone through this situation before and how he regrets how he dealt with that. at this point, it's not just a misunderstanding with someone or a particular mistake; if he fucks this up one more time, it's a reflection on his character. he realized that and wanted to make amends before it was too late.  
> 3\. for the longest time, their love languages were material gifts, physical touch, and quality time. those were good for a while, but in his vulnerable moment, what minhyun needed the most were words of affirmation. he needed to know that he was on the right path, that he was changing, that he was capable of being a better person and jonghyun could see that.
> 
> i hate using author's notes to explain things that i wish ppl would understand from my actual writing, but i rly feel the need to justify things this time ;;;; anyway i rly tried to make my writing more deliberate this time and i hope that came through somehow …………
> 
> last two chapters!!!! chap 11 will be mostly falling action fluff and chap 12 will be an epilogue ,,,,, (omg i don't know if i'm ready to let this fic gooooo)
> 
> pls tell me what you think in the comments !!!!!! and follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	11. Chapter 11

_"Fuck!"_

Minki groaned and rolled over, burying his face into a throw pillow in an attempt to muffle the coming flurry of panicked yelling and bickering. It wasn't their first time, not even in the past _week._ Much like he expected, the two were out of the bedroom— _their_ bedroom, his and Jonghyun's, supposedly—in a matter of minutes, and if Minki were keeping track, this was record time for the two dumbasses.

"— _told you_ to set an alarm," Jonghyun grumbled, stumbling out of the room with half a sock on.

Minhyun wasn't any better, frantically trying to flatten his wrinkled shirt with only two buttons put together. "I did! _You_ should have woken up in time." Jonghyun narrowed his eyes and threw a slipper at Minhyun, one he expertly dodged. "My _shirt,_ Jonghyun. I'm not showing up to my meeting looking like a damn pauper."

"Well, if _I_ don't show up to my midterms, I'm going to fail!" Jonghyun finally managed to put on his shoes and looked around the living room for his bag— the one he carelessly tossed to the side while Minhyun walked him backwards into his room for a long, long night that was to be blamed for their current dilemma. "You know what? New rule: _no sex during exam weeks._ "

Minhyun scoffed, but he couldn't be bothered to argue when he was too busy texting Aron to bring some fresh clothes to the office. " _Fine._ And we both have to set alarms from now on."

"Deal." Jonghyun wrapped both of his arms around Minhyun's neck as they kissed deeply by the doorway. "Thanks for last night by the way," said Jonghyun, his cheeky grin and the peck he left on Minhyun's lips serving as his apology.

"Of course. Babe, your keys," Minhyun said as he brought out his car keys and mentally checked if he had everything he wore from last night. "I'll drop you off, come on."

"Don't 'babe' me," Jonghyun hissed. They left with muffled laughter, an arm around Jonghyun's waist, and a disgruntled roommate who forced himself to get up after another night of awful sleep on their shitty couch. He entered their room, wrinkled his nose at the lingering smell of sex, and cracked open a window before collapsing on the couch again.

_Just another day in paradise._

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun sighed as he felt arms wrapping around his waist from behind and a warm body pushing him forward. "I missed you," Minhyun mumbled into his hair.

"Yeah, I missed you too," said Jonghyun, voice quiet and still shy. He was used to _receiving_ all these cheesy things from Minhyun, but responding to them still took a lot out of him. Still, Minhyun seemed to be content with whatever Jonghyun was ready to give, even if that only meant a shy smile or squeeze around Minhyun's wrist.

"So," said Minhyun, walking back to the kitchen, "you're a little late tonight."

Jonghyun chuckled nervously. "Yeah, right after my last class, I had an interview for a part-time job." He chuckled at the surprise on Minhyun's face. "It's nothing too stressful, just as a barista in a café right between my dorms and the campus. My schedule's, uh, in the late afternoon, if you're wondering. Hopefully I don't drop anything on the first day or something; wouldn't _that_ be a nightmare?" He rubbed the back of his neck when Minhyun wasn't reacting as he expected. "Is… something wrong?"

"You didn't tell me you were job hunting," said Minhyun, slowly and carefully as he chopped up some vegetables and tossed it into the pot he was cooking with. "I would have hooked you up with our company; interns are paid really well there."

"I— I didn't really need to tell you. I could get a job without… your help." Jonghyun cringed internally as he realized how that sounded, as he heard the definitive click of Minhyun's blade against the chopping board. "You know I meant—"

"I know what you meant," said Minhyun as he put down the knife and turned to face Jonghyun. By instinct, Jonghyun draped his arms over Minhyun's neck and pulled him closer, smiling as Minhyun had arms around his waist in an instant. "I just— want to spoil you all the time, but I can't really do that when you're out there, facing the world now." Minhyun held Jonghyun's face with both hands. "I'm proud of you, Jonghyun. I just don't know what to do."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes placed his hands over Minhyun's. "You don't _have_ to do anything, you know. You're being _stupid._ "

"I'm aware," whispered Minhyun.

"Just— be my boyfriend! That's good enough," Jonghyun hissed, not wanting to say the words out loud. Oh, he _hated_ Minhyun's grin, hated how he pinched Jonghyun's cheeks and cooed over the fact that Jonghyun _finally_ said it, after four whole months of refusing to put any sort of label on them.

Still, Jonghyun wasn't about to let him have this win. "I mean, there's always sex. You can still spoil me with sex," Jonghyun offered, and he laughed as Minhyun immediately avoided his bedroom eyes.

"I can't believe you're dating me for money and sex." Minhyun was pouting, playing his usual game of pulling away and hiding within himself to get Jonghyun to coax him out with some affection, the same affection that Jonghyun was only starting to grow comfortable with as time passed.

And it passed by so— so happily. _Huh._ Jonghyun didn't know why he was so afraid to admit that, why he was still expecting the ball to drop out of nowhere.

"I’m not— you know that's not true, right?" Jonghyun didn't mean to sound so soft, didn't mean to seem so scared. Minhyun looked at him with surprise in his eyes, and in an instant, Jonghyun managed to win Minhyun over again. He was grinning at Jonghyun now, waiting for something that Jonghyun was _not_ about to say. "Stop fishing, dumbass."

"Okay, okay." Minhyun kissed Jonghyun's forehead and went back to what he was cooking. "It wouldn't hurt to hear it though."

Jonghyun hugged him from behind, ignoring the potential safety hazard of getting his skin burnt off. "I show it in my own ways, you know that." Jonghyun felt Minhyun humming through the vibrations against his chest, heard his sweet voice lulling Jonghyun to sleep even as Minhyun tried to twist out of Jonghyun's grasp. "Something tells me that's not the issue."

"What?" asked Minhyun, attempting to sound incredulous but only frustrating Jonghyun in the end. "You're making an issue out of nothing, Jonghyun."

Jonghyun pulled back and leaned against the counter, facing Minhyun and watching him oddly. "And you're being cagey again. You know I hate that."

Minhyun turned off the stove and faced Jonghyun with his lips pressed into a tight line. "Do you seriously want to fight over this again?"

"I can't fight if I don't know what we're fighting over." Jonghyun crossed his arms in front of his chest. _"Again."_

Minhyun rubbed the back of his neck, tired, frustrated, but aware that he couldn't let this go on if he didn't want a repeat of what fucked them both up months ago. "I just wish you told me that you were job hunting. I really meant it when I said I could have helped you get an internship in our company; the work's easy, the pay's good, and I—" Minhyun sighed and covered his face with his hand. "I would have been able to see you more. I've been missing that."

"Me too," Jonghyun admitted easily. "You know you're being dumb, right? We live our own lives, _pretty damn far from each other's,_ and we've— we've come to terms with that."

"Which—honestly?—is another problem," said Minhyun, eyes locked to the floor. He was right. They both knew that it was weird that they've been in this relationship, in its ups and downs, for so damn long without either of them knowing the other's lives and people other than Aron and Minki. Sometimes it felt like their own personal bubble was some other world that they lived in, just for them to know and see and feel.

And it was _good._ Sometimes all they needed was a break from the bullshit of their daily lives, a break with someone who clearly adored them and made the effort to show that. Minhyun showered Jonghyun in whatever gifts or praises he wanted to give, but Jonghyun liked it most when they were intimate, not just in sex but in talking to each other, in laughing with each other, in sharing themselves, _all of themselves._ Jonghyun was easily more tactile, easily generous with his touch and his knowing silence and his willingness to let Minhyun in.

Sometimes it felt like they were caging themselves in this situations, protecting their pride and their dignity by hiding the fact that they were with someone so clearly out of their expected circle. Jonghyun knew Minhyun was out of his league, knew that he'd be seen as a lucky dog or some frisky gold-digger who was just trying to survive by being smart in this relationship. People around him might even praise him for being so damn lucky, but they wouldn't know how it really was. They probably wouldn't care about how _real_ this was to Jonghyun.

But on Minhyun's end? He never said or even _implied_ that he was ashamed of this, but if Jonghyun were in his position, he knew _he_ would be. He knew it wasn't easy to admit that he fucked up with someone who everyone could say was perfect for him and replaced her years after with— who? Some kid he met randomly that had nothing to show for himself, nothing to be proud of? Jonghyun hoped that wasn't what Minhyun was feeling but— but he couldn't blame him if that were.

So now they were here. Now this was where they stood: alone together, but unsure if they wanted to change that— or if they even should.

"I…" Jonghyun didn't know where he was leading with this, what he was planning to do or say next. "I need to do things on my own, Minhyun. Be independent. Be my own person." Jonghyun reached out for Minhyun, and he smiled when Minhyun easily took it and pressed a kiss against the side of his thumb. "But I agree. There needs to be— an _us_ some time in the future."

"Not… that there isn't," Minhyun said, moving in to kiss Jonghyun's shoulder in apology. "We just need to— make things clear."

"To people other than ourselves," said Jonghyun, laughing as Minhyun's kisses on his neck tickled him.

Minhyun stopped after a while, face close enough that Jonghyun couldn't avoid his eyes. "Do well. Work hard," he said.

"I will." Jonghyun kissed the tip of his nose. "Baby steps?"

"Perfect," Minhyun whispered, and he gazed at Jonghyun's lips for a few more seconds before diving in once again.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun wasn't paying attention again. He jolted forward when Minhyun missed the green light, hitting the steering wheel in frustration for the third time that night. _"Relax,"_ Jonghyun said, reaching out for Minhyun's hand and stroking his knuckles with his thumb. Minhyun waved his hand away, groaning as he leaned his head back.

"You're not even listening to me," Minhyun mumbled. "If you were, you'd know I'm already having a shitty day."

"I know, I know. I’m having a bad day too, you know." Jonghyun put his phone down and sighed. "What's bothering you?"

"Work?" Minhyun said incredulously, pissed at having to repeat himself. "My boyfriend who's too busy on his phone to listen to me after I spent thirty minutes in traffic just to pick him up after work?"

"I have projects, events to organize, a _life_ I can't just turn off because we're together." Jonghyun cursed as he looked at the clock. "Fuck, we missed our movie."

Minhyun gripped the steering wheel and nearly dug his forehead into the horn. "Well. This day's been shitty." He turned his head to the side to look at Jonghyun. "And we keep fighting."

"I've noticed," Jonghyun said dryly. "We need to spend more time together."

"This date was supposed to make up for the past week." Minhyun took Jonghyun's hand and kissed his knuckles. "I'm sorry for getting mad."

"I'm sorry for not paying enough attention." Jonghyun smiled and placed a hand on Minhyun's head, stroking his hair slowly. "We're moving, come on."

Minhyun sighed. "I can take the next right and we can go back to my place?"

"Please, let's just go home."

Jonghyun stiffened as he realized what he said, as the thought of Minhyun's space started feeling more and more like _theirs_ as time passed. Minhyun didn't seem to pay much attention to it, choosing to find a way to maneuver himself to the right lane to make a turn. He looked at Jonghyun briefly though, a soft blush on his cheeks as their eyes met. _Coming home._

"Call Aron. Tell him to buy us some food," said Minhyun, handing Jonghyun his phone.

Jonghyun looked through Minhyun's contacts quickly. "It'll take us another twenty minutes to get home in this traffic though. You think it's good to call him when we're not at home?"

"He has a key; he'll be fine," Minhyun said nonchalantly. He didn't wait a second later when they heard Aron pick up through the car speakers. "Hey! Aron, can you buy us some, uh, glazed pork ribs?" Minhyun glanced at Jonghyun. "Do you want something?"

Jonghyun stared out the window, sighing at the sudden downpour of rain. "Samgyetang would be good for this weather."

"Oh! Perfect!" Minhyun grinned at Jonghyun. "My boyfriend's so _smart._ "

"And _my_ boyfriend is so annoying." Jonghyun rolled his eyes. They waited in silence for a few moments until they realized that Aron hadn't been responding at all. "Aron? You still there?"

They heard an audible sigh from the other side of the phone. _"You— I'm off-duty, Minhyun,"_ he said, exasperated and tired. As much as Jonghyun wanted to tease him for it, he sensed deep-seated exhaustion in Aron's words; he could read a story between the lines of Aron's constant hovering around Minhyun and Minhyun's relentless oblivious demands.

And then the guilt struck Jonghyun, reminded him that Aron was his _friend_ now, not just some pawn of Minhyun's that he wouldn't mind bossing around if Minhyun let him do so. "Hey, if you're busy, it's fine—"

"What? No, Aron knows all the good places to get food; I'd starve without him." Minhyun chuckled, shaking his head. "Take your time. We won't be home for a good twenty minutes or so."

They heard another sigh, and Jonghyun felt his hands itching to do something, telling him to _say something_. Before he could get a word out, Aron mumbled his acknowledgement and hung up on them before Minhyun could add anything else to his list of demands. It left a bad taste in Jonghyun's mouth, made him itch to say something. "Minhyun?"

"Hmm?" Minhyun was focused on his driving, focused on nothing but himself in the moment. Was this a side of Minhyun's that Jonghyun had yet to discover? Was this something he had the right to say something about, or would he be silenced with the fact that he didn't know Minhyun well enough to meddle in his affairs with others?

Jonghyun decided that he didn't care. "You… need to treat Aron better."

Minhyun's brows furrowed briefly. "That came out of nowhere."

"It didn't, Minhyun. Aron's my _friend_ now, and this whole time I've known him, you treat him like this. It's—" Jonghyun didn't know the right words for it. He didn't know if any of this was getting through to Minhyun, if he even understood that there was something wrong in the first place.

"Seriously?" Minhyun sighed, eyes closed as they stopped for a red light. "Aron's the best paid intern in our company, a shoe-in for the position of my assistant for as long as he's willing to stay and put up with me." Minhyun chuckled. Jonghyun didn't. "I percentage of my salary goes straight to his _monthly_ bonus because he's just that invaluable to me. I know I'm an ass sometimes, but I always make it worth his work."

Jonghyun brought out his phone and shook his head as he started playing games again. "Knowing it is one thing, Minhyun." He looked at Minhyun's eyes through the rear view mirror. "Just one."

The rest of the trip flew by in silence, but Jonghyun didn't want to dwell on it as soon as they arrived at Minhyun's apartment. He smiled against Minhyun's neck when he was pulled into a hug, and in a moment, Jonghyun felt all the tension seep out of their bones, the two of them finding home in each other's arms again. Most of the time, this was all they needed: the comfortable silence that came with being with someone that gave them so much comfort. Jonghyun wouldn't trade that for anything else.

Minhyun kissed the top of his head. "I have to go check my emails in the office. Can you wait for Aron?"

"Sure," said Jonghyun as he took a seat on the couch. He sank into the soft cushions, laughing as he compared it to the pure torture of taking a nap on the couch he and Minki had in the dorms. Once, Minhyun came over on a weekend to see Jonghyun and maybe get some action while Minki was out in some friend's apartment. As soon as they were getting into the mood in the living room, the two of them rolled off when they heard a _painful_ crack that either came from Minhyun's back or from the wooden frame of their ratty couch. Jonghyun vowed to save up for it and get a replacement that was big and sturdy enough for him and Minhyun to at least be able to make out on.

Minhyun's couch reminded Jonghyun of other things too, like that strange fever-addled incident he had with Minhyun when their relationship was on the rocks— not that there was much of a relationship in the first place. He told Minhyun about that a few weeks ago as they were roasting shitty dramas again as per their usual weekend morning routine. Minhyun buried his face into Jonghyun's chest in shame, as a form of apology that he didn’t know how to express properly.

"It was a dumb instinct. I—" Minhyun then leaned up and cupped Jonghyun's face. "I know it seemed like I was toying with you but I really wasn't… Jonghyun," he paused, "I didn't know."

"I know," Jonghyun said softly. The apology… maybe Jonghyun had wanted it before, _needed_ it even, but it didn't matter anymore. They both fucked this relationship up; Jonghyun didn’t want to hold that against him anymore.

But still, some things left a bitter taste in his mouth, like the silent treatment Aron was giving him as he put down all the things Minhyun made him buy on the kitchen counter. Jonghyun turned to thank him, but Aron was already gone. Jonghyun chased after him and stopped before he could make his way inside the elevator. "Aron!" he called out, and Aron turned and rolled his eyes.

"What, Jonghyun? Need anything else?" he said, voice flat and curt.

"Aron, I—" Jonghyun rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks. And I'm sorry for Minhyun. He's—" Jonghyun grit his teeth and shook his head. "You know how he is."

"I do," said Aron as he leaned back on the wall. He looked tired, older than he actually was. Maybe that was what it felt like to deal with so much bullshit every day.

But he wasn't leaving yet, which probably meant there was more to this than just an apology that he likely wasn't going to get from Minhyun himself. "Is something wrong?" asked Jonghyun, unsure of where this was headed.

Aron shook his head, but actions couldn't deter the bitterness in his words. "We put in so much damn effort getting you two together, yeah? And it's nice to see you two happy, in your own little bubble, but— it's just tiring to be stepped on _constantly_ while you're both living in this fantasy world of yours."

He left right after he said his piece, and Jonghyun didn’t see the need to dwell in the hallway when his mind was still dwelling on Aron's words. Was this relationship good for them? Was it good for the people around them? Was this something that only came with the newness of their relationship, or was this something that was bound to get worse over time?

Things were quiet over dinner, the two of them too preoccupied with their hunger to really find time to talk between whole pieces of short ribs and large gulps of steaming soup. Still, Jonghyun found himself laughing at the sauce on the corner of Minhyun's lips, and Minhyun chuckled and pretended to be surprised as he found a stain on Jonghyun's shirt. It gave him a good excuse to suggest that Jonghyun should take his shirt off, but Jonghyun only laughed before grabbing a loose shirt of Minhyun's and climbing on the couch on top of him to cuddle as they watched TV.

Jonghyun was falling asleep with the lull of the TV in the background and Minhyun's heartbeat in his ears, but he was surprised by Minhyun's sudden question. "Jonghyun, do you think Minki hates me?"

Jonghyun yawned and turned to rest his chin on Minhyun's chest. "What would make you think that?"

"Many things." Minhyun blinked. "Mostly just his general attitude when I'm around. I mean, I don't want to _assume_ that he's an ass to everyone around him, you know?"

Jonghyun chuckled and pinched Minhyun's cheek. "I'm sure you're just imagining things."

"I… care about what your friends think of me, Jonghyun." Minhyun's eyes softened.

"You've only met one," Jonghyun said, nervous chuckling making his position uncomfortable. He rested his head back down with his ear pressed against Minhyun's chest as he attempted to watch TV instead of focusing on where this conversation was headed. "Unless you're thinking of meeting some of the others."

Minhyun replied with his own nervous chuckle and a hand on Jonghyun's hair. "A conversation for another time."

"Agreed," Jonghyun mumbled, and he let himself fall asleep before anything else could throw a curveball at him tonight.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun laughed as Minhyun kissed the back of his ear in greeting. "Hi, welcome to my humble abode," Minhyun said, welcoming the two into his apartment.

"He's flexing on us just by having a working shower," Jonghyun grumbled to Minki, and he had to nudge him with an elbow just to get him to react even the smallest bit. It didn't exactly work, and Jonghyun was starting to see the worry creeping into Minhyun's eyes. "Guest bedroom's the third on the right if you want to settle down."

 "And you," Minhyun hugged Jonghyun from behind, "are staying with me this week."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes and tried to shake Minhyun off, but Minki was already used to their dumb antics, the ones that Jonghyun was embarrassed of before and was now only starting to slowly get used to, reciprocating to it in his own sweet way that Minhyun appreciated just as much.

"Thanks for letting us stay here. It's, uh, a lot better than our lumpy couch," Minki said quietly, and Jonghyun saw the near-mocking bow he gave Minhyun before walking to his room and closing the door behind him.

"Well," Minhyun mumbled into Jonghyun's ear, "that was rude."

"I think I’m starting to get what you mean by Minki not liking you," Jonghyun replied, "but he means what he said. We're really grateful that you're letting us stay for the week."

"It's a little farther from your university, but I can drop you off on the way to work. Or," Minhyun slid a hand under Jonghyun's shirt, "we could skip everything until noon, stay in bed a little longer while you're still here." He smiled and pressed his lips against the shell of Jonghyun's ear. "It's a sound proposition— and speaking of _sound,_ the master's bedroom is as soundproof as it can get."

 _"No,"_ Jonghyun said as he laughed and struggled to escape Minhyun's grasp. He glanced at the closed door in the hallway; he didn't feel like putting this off. "I'm going to go check on Minki."

"Okay," said Minhyun, unsure of what he was supposed to say next. He shrugged it off and went inside the studio, leaving Jonghyun alone in the hallway outside Minki's temporary room, wondering if he needed to knock when the two of them had dropped those boundaries long ago.

Yet now he felt the slightest bit of discomfort when he was with Minki. He didn't know when it started; was it after Minhyun mentioned his perception of Minki disliking him? Or did it start as soon as he and Jonghyun got back together, as soon as they started living in the bubble that Aron was talking about?

 _This is your best friend,_ Jonghyun reminded himself. _There's nothing to be afraid of._

Jonghyun went in with no warning, collapsing on the bed beside Minki and waiting for him to lift his head from his phone screen. Jonghyun stared persistently until Minki groaned and put his phone down on the bedside table, turning to face Jonghyun. "Well?" he asked expectantly. "What's up?"

"That's exactly what I was about to ask you," said Jonghyun. "Something's been off with you—no, _between us_ —since weeks ago, and I don't know where to begin or what to do."

Minki rolled his eyes. "You really assume everything has something to do with you, huh?"

"Well, if you're acting like this to _me,_ your best friend who honestly really fucking _cares_ about you, I think I have the right to at least be concerned. So _spill._ " Jonghyun channeled his inner Minki, allowing himself to be assertive and demanding. This was how Minki got through his defenses, and Jonghyun wasn't above using the same tactics to make a breakthrough with his best friend somehow. He also had other concerns that he needed to address. "I need to know, Minki. Honestly… does this have something to do Minhyun too?"

Minki scoffed, and that was all Jonghyun needed to sit up and stare into Minki's eyes, hoping that his sincerity would make it through Minki's occasional stubbornness. He wasn't like this normally, but by virtue of being Minki's best friend, Jonghyun knew he had to keep at it and Minki would crack.

It didn't take much more work though. "I don't hate your boyfriend, Jonghyun. I just think— fuck, I'm going to sound like an idiot."

"I want to know, Minki," said Jonghyun, and he caught a glimpse of Minki looking like he wanted to crawl back behind his defenses before Jonghyun's earnest eyes drew him back into this conversation they needed to have.

Minki picked on his nails. "He keeps taking away people I actually care about. You, obviously," Minki grit his teeth, "and Aron too."

Jonghyun's eyes widened as he slowly processed Minki's words. "Wait, _no way—_ "

"Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have told you." Minki groaned. "I knew you'd react that way."

Jonghyun shook his head and grinned. "No, no, it's adorable. I’m so happy my friends are—"

Minki raised a hand to stop him from continuing. "This is _exactly_ what I'm talking about. Okay, the two of us met because of the two of you, and we kept in touch because we were trying so damn hard to get you guys back together. But our relationship—whatever it is we're trying now—it's not— it's not because of _you._ It's because two people who are coincidentally linked to you two can actually end up liking each other without it being _about_ you."

Minki's breathing was heavy as he finished his rant, and Jonghyun stayed in stunned silence for a few more moments. What… exactly did Minki mean?

"I'm sorry for unloading on you like that," Minki said quietly, back behind his uncharacteristic walls all over again. "Aron and I… we agreed we wouldn't tell you because we didn't want this to be treated like some sort of _paired couples situation_ as a group while we were just trying to figure out what we wanted from this. We wanted to stay in our own bubble while you stayed in yours," Jonghyun bristled at the familiar words, "but we couldn't, not when I could barely get any time with Aron because of his _boss._ "

And in an instant, it all made sense to Jonghyun. The comfortable air between them starting from that moment when all four of them were gathered in their tiny kitchen for Jonghyun's surprise birthday party, Minki disappearing to stay in _some friend's_ apartment for the night, Aron's bitter words from that night they disturbed him; it was a story that Jonghyun only witnessed in pieces, but he didn't have to know the full story. That was for Aron and Minki, and yet it seemed like he and Minhyun were constantly intruding on that instead of letting it grow at its own pace.

"Do you get it now?" asked Minki, a little embarrassed at whatever Jonghyun was probably thinking of right now. "I just— Aron cares about his job—and his boss, by extension—too damn much.  And you deserve your happy ending with this guy, yeah, but he's also the reason why I can't get mine."

"I—" Well, Jonghyun didn't have much to say. Everything Minki felt was totally valid, and at some point, Jonghyun realized what needed to change. It wasn't Minki; it was _them,_ him and Minhyun. And Jonghyun needed to start making amends by _not_ making everything about themselves all the time. "I'm happy for you, more than anything else, Minki. Aron is," Jonghyun chuckled, "not your usual type—"

"Oh, don't even—" Minki buried his face in his hands. "Don't even fucking mention it, oh god. Aron is a loser who treats me too damn well and is too much fun to be with and I don't even want to— I'm not going to talk about this, okay?" Minki reached out and pinched Jonghyun's arm, making him wail in response. "I didn't make fun of your ass when you were lovesick over Minhyun, so _don't you dare_ make fun of me."

"I'm not! I won't!" Jonghyun said in between laughter, grinning as the two of them fell back into a semblance of how they used to be, with their talking and teasing making Jonghyun miss the days when all he could do was whine and bitch at Minki and Minki would do the same to him, making Jonghyun miss Minki as a _whole,_ as his best friend.

"Hey," Jonghyun said as he stood in the doorway before leaving, "thanks for telling me about this. I'll help you figure things out with Aron, I promise."

And in Minki's shy smile, Jonghyun knew this was something true, something good. Everyone deserved their own happy ending.

 

 

———

 

 

"Well, well, well," Jonghyun heard a familiar voice say, "look who we finally managed to track down."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. "Here's your order, dipshit."

Seongwu laughed and reached out for Jonghyun's hand. "Jonghyun, don't be like that," Seongwu whined. "Daniel and I missed you."

Daniel laughed and grabbed Jonghyun's hand. "Also you're still on duty, so be _nice_ to your customers."

Jonghyun laughed and shook his head, holding the tray against his chest. "I'm declaring this as my break so I can have fifteen minutes to roast you both." Jonghyun messed up their hair and laughed at their whining. These two dumbasses were his absolute favorites to mess with, especially since it was only fair after they vowed to make Jonghyun's life difficult by constantly trying to drag him out of the safety of his home for these dumb parties. There was also the time that the three of them… ah, Jonghyun didn't want to get into that headspace anymore.

Daniel and Seongwu shared a funny look. "Do you think—" Daniel nodded at Seongwu before he could even finish his sentence, and at that moment, Jonghyun knew something ridiculous was about to happen. Seongwu's bright grin didn't help with that expectation. "So, Jonghyun, are you seeing anyone?"

Jonghyun's spine stiffened. "I, uh—"

"Because our professor's nephew—yeah, I know, what a _crazy_ connection—" Daniel suddenly interjected, "—apparently he's really nice and totally available."

"And hot," Seongwu whispered. "We know you're into pretty guys, and this one's _gorgeous._ "

"Ma'am Kwon said he's a bit of an introvert—like you—and likes video games and anime and other lame shit— _exactly_ like you!" Daniel helpfully supplied.

Jonghyun remained thoroughly unimpressed. "And what am I supposed to do with this information?"

"Well, we're pretty close to our prof, and she shared that she was finding it difficult to handle the nephew that was living with her because she just couldn't get him out of his shell," Seongwu explained. "Tried to hook him up with one of us, but we didn't have the courage to tell her that we'd rather he hook up with _both_ of us, if you know what I mean."

 _I do,_ Jonghyun internally lamented. "And yet again… what am I going to with that?"

Daniel shot him a knowing look. "I have a picture and a schedule, if you're interested. I'm sure even just _one_ date would be enough to make our professor happy."

"I bet this is for extra credit, you creeps," Jonghyun deadpanned, though it was mostly because he didn't know how else to dodge this situation.

"Hey, no! We're doing this because we genuinely think he's your type," Seongwu said. "It would be nice to see how this plays out— and, _yes,_ to get a few extra quiz points for helping her out in her stint as an aunt."

Jonghyun looked up when he heard the bell above the door ring, and his eyes widened when they met Minhyun's. Seongwu's hand was still loosely wrapped around his wrist, and Daniel was looking up at him with stars in his eyes again. From a distance, Jonghyun knew how this looked, and he was _not_ about to get into an argument just because these two dumbasses found it fun to mess with him every time they met up.

"I'm— I'm not interested in seeing others right now, okay?" Jonghyun sighed at the disappointment on their faces. "Alright, customers ordering take out can only stay for fifteen minutes. You two better get out of here by the time I'm done with my next customer," Jonghyun warned, shaking them off and preparing his notepad for when he approached Minhyun. The two of them stared at each other quietly before Jonghyun cleared his throat and put on his customer service voice. "Hi, what would you like for today, sir?"

"The usual," Minhyun said, and even though it was Minhyun's first time to visit Jonghyun during his shift, Jonghyun already knew he was bound to order some fruit juice or shake anyway. Minhyun gave him a small smile, a little _'I trust you'_ written in the curve of his lips, and Jonghyun responded with a grin of his own.

Jonghyun heard movement from behind him. It was Daniel and Seongwu, walking up to him with confidence in their grins and a headache forming at Jonghyun's temples. "Hey," Seongwu said as he clasped Jonghyun's arm, "just text us if you're interested in the date."

"I'm telling you, it's a _perfect match,_ Jonghyun," said Daniel, grinning and hugging Jonghyun from the side before walking away. "See you around!" For a second, Jonghyun felt like they were staying just to look at the stranger who Jonghyun seemed a little too comfortable with, but soon after, the two of them left quickly, leaving a flurry of dazed girls' eyes following them as they vanished into the city.

Jonghyun groaned and rubbed his temples. "Sorry about that," he whispered to Minhyun.

"No problem," he said, though he was still staring at the points of contact Jonghyun had with the two of them who were always _way too handsy_ with Jonghyun in public. "A date, huh?"

"I told them I'm not interested in seeing anyone," Jonghyun paused, "anyone else but you, of course. If that wasn't clear."

"I know." Minhyun smiled and waved Jonghyun away. "Get to work, come on."

Jonghyun kept glancing back at Minhyun as he worked, unable to keep his eyes off him for as long as he was there. There was something about the thrill of being around each other and concealing their secret in little smiles, in discreet touches during small moments.

And then there was the thought that Jonghyun would have to keep deflecting others instead of being able to grab Minhyun's hand as a sufficient answer, as a sign that he wasn't looking anymore, that he was hoping that this would be the right one. Until they were ready for it, some things would have to remain a fantasy for a little while longer.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun stopped in the hallway leading to their dorm room when he saw a familiar lumpy couch by the stairwell, waiting to be disposed during garbage day. He rushed to their room to figure out what the hell was going on, but he certainly didn't expect to see Minki on a brand new couch, watching TV as a sleeping Aron rested with his head on Minki's lap.

Minki tilted his head back and smiled at Jonghyun. "Shh, Aron's sleeping," he whispered, though there was a tone of giddiness that he couldn't help but have. And before Jonghyun could even say anything, all he could focus on was the comfortable way in which these two _fit,_ the way they felt right for each other somehow. Finally, Jonghyun was able to see it.

"Is this," Jonghyun motioned at the couch, "from Minhyun?"

Minki chuckled. "Yeah. He got it delivered today as an apology for all the times I nearly broke my back here while you two were having sex in our room." Minki didn't seem like he was too mad about it now. It relieved Jonghyun a little bit.

"And Aron?" Jonghyun asked with a smirk, anticipating Minki's eye roll and the subtle way he'd reach out for Aron somehow.

"Minhyun's actually giving him a few more leaves from now on, and Aron can use the 'do not disturb' feature on his phone for the first time in three years," said Minki, laughing slightly while trying not to wake the sleeping boy on his lap. He looked happy, _genuinely happy,_ and Jonghyun couldn't argue with that.

"Tell your boyfriend— tell him he can stay," Minki joked, _quietly_ because Aron was starting to grumble in his sleep. "Seriously," Minki whispered, "thank him for me."

And with that, Jonghyun took his leave, putting his bag down on his desk and staring at his phone. A part of him was still in shock at how quickly things moved, how Minhyun didn't even double-check with him if this was something he wanted. Not that he didn't, but—

His phone started ringing. It was Minhyun. _"Hi,"_ Minhyun said as soon as Jonghyun picked up. _"Did you see my little gift?"_

"It's, uh, not that little actually," said Jonghyun, though he couldn't help but smile at the sound of Minhyun's voice. "Thank you, Minhyun. On Minki's behalf too." He chuckled. "And Aron's, as well."

 _"Yeah, well, I listen, Jonghyun. And I do care if others unhappy because of us, because of_ me." Minhyun's voice was quiet, sincere.

That's why Jonghyun didn't want to ruin this with what he was about to say, with how he was honestly feeling at the moment. "I just— you know Minki and I had been saving up for a new couch for months now, right? That we had a fund for it and our own plans for what we wanted and when we were planning on getting it?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. _"I know. I thought you needed it sooner rather than later. It was… my gift. My apology."_

"I know," Jonghyun repeated, frustration seeping into his voice. He knew Minhyun wouldn't understand, wouldn't get why Jonghyun wouldn't just thank him with a smile and a kiss on his cheek. "You just— you could have _asked._ You could have asked if I actually wanted this from you or if I wanted to work for it. You don't consider, you know, _me._ "

Silence. Yet again. This was to be expected, but Jonghyun didn't think he'd be so _terrified_ as he waited for Minhyun's response.

 _"You… can't just thank me?"_ Minhyun said quietly, quiet but deadly. _"I don't_ have _to keep doing this, Jonghyun. But I do it for_ you. _"_

"Which I _appreciate_. And I'm grateful for you and everything you do for me, Minhyun." Jonghyun groaned, unsure of where he was headed with this. Did he want something good to be soured by a conversation like this? No, _absolutely fucking not,_ but he couldn't let this go on, not if he wanted to stand on level ground with Minhyun someday, _someday._

 _"Then what the hell is this now?"_ Minhyun sounded _tired._ Jonghyun was too, but he couldn't let this go. _"Is it not what you wanted? Are you being picky now? What, Jonghyun?"_

"That's not— don't treat me like a fucking brat without even trying to understand what I actually want to say," Jonghyun mumbled, frustration making its way to his voice, his words.

 _"Then tell me, Jonghyun! I don't want to keep guessing if what I do will either please you or piss you off this time!"_ Minhyun wasn't actually raising his voice, but Jonghyun knew that he might as well be. Jonghyun knew how he sounded right now, and he knew exactly why Minhyun was reacting like this. It wasn't because Jonghyun wasn't just smiling and thanking Minhyun and worshipping the ground he walked on. Minhyun wasn't that shallow, wouldn't mind a little more honesty from Jonghyun.

It was because they had been walking on eggshells around each other for the longest time, and they were _tired._ They were allowed to be tired of how things were. If Jonghyun were a coward, this would be where he'd start to break things off. If Minhyun were the same person he was before everything happened between them, maybe he'd even beat him to the punch.

But they weren't like that, not anymore. Jonghyun sighed. "Maybe just— _ask me, Minhyun._ Ask me if this is something I want you to spoil me with or something I'd rather work hard for. Ask me about my plans, ask me about what I'm trying to do for myself and my future. Actually try to get to know me before making plans for me as if I'm— I'm just supposed to accept everything you tell me and choose for me!" Jonghyun groaned. "I'm my own person, Minhyun. I just want you to start seeing that."

Silence, but not the terrifying kind. It was the kind of silence that told Jonghyun that this was something new to Minhyun, something he was just starting to think over. It was the silence that assured Jonghyun that Minhyun wasn't just going to shut him down, _hopefully._ He needed to have faith in that.

 _"Okay,"_ Minhyun said softly. _"I'm sorry. I'll… call you later."_

Jonghyun hung up first. He wasn't— _fuck,_ did he mess that up?  Jonghyun sat outside with Aron and Minki, not trusting himself to be alone with his thoughts or else the guilt could eat him up. Did he ruin things between them yet again by _trying_ too hard to break out of this arrangement between him and Minhyun? Or was that the right thing to do, for himself, for Minhyun, for the two of them as a couple that had barely settled down even after all these months of trying this out?

Hours later, Aron and Minki were asleep on the couch after a long movie night with the three of them tossing popcorn at the screen every time the characters said something dumb or cheesy. It was the only time Jonghyun was able to watch the two of them as a couple, and Jonghyun saw how well things were working out between them, how even just having this whole day to hang out and do nothing was enough to at least sate their need to be with each other.

Maybe that was what he and Minhyun needed too: just a little more _time_ with each other, no running away from each other through school or work or friends that wouldn’t remind them of their situation that only seemed to be leading them astray.

Jonghyun didn't know how the hell Minhyun managed to figure that out too, but he was surprised to see Minhyun's messages on his phone, filled with pictures and screenshots of calendars and plane tickets and hotel options for another three-day trip, _if_ Jonghyun wanted it. Jonghyun smiled as he called Minhyun and waited for him to pick up.

 _"Hi,"_ Minhyun said sleepily. _"Did you see my messages?"_

"I did," said Jonghyun. He bit his lip at the thought of it, at the thought that _for once,_ they were on the same page. Still, some things needed to be addressed. "We can't— we can't keep running off every time we face a hurdle, you know."

 _"I know. I just thought we needed this, needed a break."_ Minhyun was right, _and_ he was asking. _"We need a little reset, Jonghyun. I want you to want this too."_

"I do," Jonghyun said, meaning it in more ways than one.

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun gasped as Minhyun slipped out of him and cleaned himself up. They lied down, side by side, sweaty skin against sweaty skin, fingers linked loosely as they struggled to catch their breath after their third round that night. Jonghyun turned to the side and cuddled against Minhyun's torso, laughing as Minhyun turned his head away when Jonghyun offered a kiss, fully aware of how a simple kiss could easily lead them to another round of sex that they did _not_ have nearly enough energy for.

Jonghyun reached out for the box of tissues on the bedside table and collapsed on their excessively soft hotel room bed, sinking into the cushions and further struggling to get up when Minhyun draped an arm over his waist in retaliation. "Get off," Jonghyun whined. "Why is this mattress too damn soft?"

"Whiny ingrate," Minhyun mumbled into Jonghyun's shoulder, but he didn't seem to mean it with malice. God, they were _both_ right; this trip was exactly what they needed. Beach vacations almost exclusively meant sex for days, but they mostly spent their time walking along the shore and chasing each other down, laughing and talking and ordering dumb fruity drinks as they watched the days pass by.

It was nearly over though. And as much as Jonghyun loved how they were when they were like this, he knew reality was coming, and their honeymoon phases never seemed to last. _Questions, questions, questions;_ Jonghyun didn't want to end this trip without at least _trying_ to address some of them.

"Hey," Jonghyun whispered, his fingers in Minhyun's hair, "what did you tell people before you went on this trip?" He paused to think. "You know, your excuse for taking a leave out of nowhere?"

Minhyun shrugged. "Just some random excuse. My coworkers don't need to know my personal business," he mumbled, hugging Jonghyun closer, "and I'd prefer it if we didn't talk about them right now."

"But we have to," Jonghyun said flatly, anticipating the sigh against his shoulder as Minhyun pulled back and lied down to look at Jonghyun properly. If he was bringing this up out of nowhere, it couldn't just be for no reason. It couldn't be because Jonghyun was looking for trouble or because he was getting tired of how happy they were like this. "Minhyun, we can't stay in our bubble forever."

"I'm aware," Minhyun said, honest and tired. "Is that what you want next?"

"Not exactly," Jonghyun admitted. "But I was forced to."

Minhyun's face changed. "What do you mean?"

Jonghyun sighed, sitting up so he could face Minhyun. "Seongwu and Daniel, do you remember them? The two guys who were all over me in the café a few weeks ago?"

Minhyun made a face. "I _try_ not to think about that."

Jonghyun chuckled and took Minhyun's hand, kissing his knuckles. "Don't worry about them. They're just my dumb friends— dumb enough to keep trying to hook me up with someone even though I _repeatedly_ said I wasn't interested." Jonghyun played with Minhyun's fingers, linking them with his and marveling at how they were the exact same size. "They kept bugging me, and I got so pissed off that I just— _blurted it out._ "

"That you were seeing someone already?"

"That I was seeing _you,_ " Jonghyun emphasized. "I had to make sure they knew that no one else stood a chance."

Minhyun, surprisingly, just chuckled. "'Stood a chance?'"

Jonghyun groaned and buried his face in Minhyun's chest, annoyed at how much he was blushing at the thought of even saying this out loud. "No one can compare to you, dumbass," Jonghyun grumbled, weakly hitting Minhyun's stomach. And then as Jonghyun felt Minhyun's laughter through the hiccups in his chest, he stood up and punched Minhyun in the gut, unapologetic even as Minhyun doubled over in pain and rolled away in pain. "You— _you're_ _fishing for compliments, asshole!_ "

"It would be nice to hear it sometimes," Minhyun wheezed out, though he couldn't help but laugh with Jonghyun as he fell into Minhyun's arms again, the two of them rocking back and forth with laughter until they slowly calmed down and settled beneath the sheets again.

"I'm being serious, you know," said Jonghyun. "We can't keep avoiding people or avoiding questions about each other. I'm— I'm not afraid to admit that I'm with someone like you, but if you're still ashamed of—"

"Ashamed of what, Jonghyun? Of us? Of you?" Minhyun's voice was soft as he shifted to face Jonghyun and cup his jaw. "I wouldn't be. I'm not. I'm not ashamed of you, Jonghyun. Not at all."

"Then," Jonghyun placed a hand over Minhyun's, "it would be nice if you could prove it. Not all at once, just— as much as you can." He laced their fingers together. "Baby steps, Minhyun. That would be enough."

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun was about to put down Minhyun's drink as ungracefully as he was used to doing, but he had to plaster on his customer service smile as he saw an eerily familiar woman sitting across him in his usual booth. "Good afternoon, here's your drink, sir," Jonghyun said quietly, quickly ducking away before Minhyun's companion could get a good look at him.

"Hey, isn't it your break already?" Minhyun said casually, and Jonghyun bit his lip before turning around. "Jonghyun, relax. I'd like you to meet someone." He motioned towards the woman in front of him. "Jonghyun, this is Sujin, my sister." Jonghyun's eyes widened. "Sujin, this is Jonghyun."

"The boyfriend?" Sujin regarded him quietly. Jonghyun felt himself standing a little straighter, trying to look less like a pathetic college student in front of Minhyun's older sister who looked equally as cold and imposing as he did. _Damn,_ their genes were amazing.

Still, he couldn't have anticipated the way she grabbed his wrist casually and tugged him to sit on the chair beside her. "Oh, he's _adorable._ Minhyun, how the hell did you luck out before _I_ did, you cheater?"

"I know, right?" Minhyun gazed at Jonghyun softly, and a little bit of the anxiety in Jonghyun's mind fizzled out at the warmth in his eyes. This was what Jonghyun wanted, right? And even though it caught him by surprise, he knew how much Minhyun's sister mattered to Minhyun. If they were starting out with someone this important to Minhyun… that must have meant he was _that_ serious about Jonghyun.

It felt… good. It felt like things were _real_ between them. And that was all Jonghyun wanted, really.

"So? Has Minhyun pissed you off already? I wouldn't blame you." She shrugged, ignoring Minhyun's indignation from across the table. "If you get tired of him, Sujin noona will be here for you, okay? I can tell him to get his shit together," she leaned closer, "or I could serve as an equally gorgeous but _significantly_ less annoying replacement."

 _"Sujin!"_ Minhyun laughed and grabbed Jonghyun's other wrist. "Jonghyun, please never speak to my sister ever again."

"That's _Sujin_ _noona_ to you, dumbass." Sujin shot Jonghyun a thousand-watt smile. "Seriously," she leaned in, "I understand needing a break from my little brother. Please don't hesitate to come to me first any time."

Jonghyun chuckled and shook his head. "I think I can deal with him," Jonghyun said as he reached over and pinched Minhyun's ear.

Minhyun whined and tried to pull Jonghyun's hand away, but he was much too distracted by the easy way in which Sujin and Jonghyun talked to each other, the easy way in which Jonghyun inserted himself into a situation with someone so important to Minhyun's life. It _could_ be that easy; what was Minhyun so afraid of?

"Ugh, I'm going to the restroom." Minhyun escaped from the situation as quickly as he could, leaving the two alone with their laughter trailing after him.

When Minhyun vanished from their sight, Sujin suddenly turned somber. It scared Jonghyun, made him prepare himself for the scrutiny that he expected from the very beginning, but all he saw was warmth in Sujin's eyes that faintly resembled Minhyun's. "I'm really, really glad to have met you, Jonghyun. It's been, uh, a few difficult, lonely years for my little brother and now…"

"Now what?" Jonghyun asked, afraid of seeming impatient and immature and _young_ and unworthy and—

"And now he actually looks happy." Sujin beamed, a little giggle bubbling up her throat. "I mean, I'm his sister. I've known him since he was a little ugly boy in diapers," she laughed, "and now he's this big dumbass who's finally fallen in love with someone." Jonghyun stiffened at her words. "It's nice."

 _No, no, no,_ Jonghyun didn't know why those words didn't sit well with him, why it didn't feel _right._ "Are you sure about that? About… what you just said?" he asked nervously, avoiding her eyes the whole time.

Unfortunately for him, Sujin was just like her little brother with their need for eye contact and her insistence that Jonghyun hold her hand as they spoke. "I _promise,_ Jonghyun," she said softly, voice lilting in a way that calmed Jonghyun. "I know my brother better than anyone else, and no one else has made him this happy in so long.

"Just… stick by him, okay? He gets difficult sometimes, and I'm sure you've witnessed that already," she continued, "but if you're still here, then that means you can handle him. Even better, you can help him, and know that he'll never hesitate to help you out too."

That made Jonghyun stop and think. _Baby steps,_ they always told each other. Baby steps together, baby steps on their own. Growing at their own pace, in their own worlds, and growing together. That was how things should be, right?

It made Jonghyun think of their arguments, the small and the big, the ones that they could brush off and the ones that almost made Jonghyun think this wasn't going to work out— but then it _did._ They worked it out. And they were getting better at that.

"Hey," Minhyun said from behind them, quickly taking a seat and glaring at the two of them, "what did you two talk about?" He narrowed his eyes at them.

Sujin looked up from her phone and shrugged. "I just showed him a few hundred of your ugly baby pictures. _Right,_ Jonghyun?" she said with a wink.

"Oh yeah, he was adorable," Jonghyun teased. He looked at Minhyun's little pout and laughed, taking Minhyun's hand in his. "Still is, though I'm pretty sure something that also hasn't changed is how _annoying_ he is."

Before Minhyun could properly react aside from an mock-offended gasp, Sujin laughed and poked Jonghyun's cheek. "Your boyfriend's _smart,_ Minhyun! And totally right; I can confirm," she stage-whispered to Jonghyun. They grinned at each other, a silent vow in the way Sujin stared into Jonghyun's eyes and the way Jonghyun squeezed Minhyun's hand. He wasn't going to let go.

 

 

———

 

 

Minhyun stretched his arms over his head and jerked up when he heard a knock on the door. "Come in," he said softly, afraid to wake Jonghyun up, who was sleeping on the couch of his office. Hell, Minhyun was surprised that someone else was still in the company building at this time on a Saturday evening.

It was Dongho, Bumzu's favorite intern who practically had credits on all the songs Bumzu had a hand in making in the past year he had been an intern in their company. "Hi, Bumzu asked me to drop off this demo for Pristin's comeback? Said he needs your okay before he could pitch it to the rest of the team."

Minhyun gladly took the flash drive from Dongho and thanked him. "Go home, Dongho. You're young; don't waste away in the recording studio just yet," he said, and Dongho just chuckled in response.

"It's good work, and I just stay late if Bumzu asks me to. Good night," he said. Before he could leave, he stopped and stared at the figure on the couch. "Is that… Kim Jonghyun?" Minhyun perked up at that, and his heart started beating faster at the recognition.

"How do you know Jonghyun?" Minhyun asked carefully, unsure of how to proceed.

"We shared a class in freshman year," Dongho mumbled, shrugging off the question. "What's he doing _here?_ "

 _Well. Now or never, coward._ "Jonghyun is… my boyfriend," Minhyun tried to say as nonchalantly as possible. He went back to his paperwork in an attempt to avoid Dongho's wide, questioning eyes. "Just keeping me company for a late night in the office."

"Wait, wait, wait," Dongho reeled back, "Kim Jonghyun is _the_ boyfriend Jaehwan and Sungwoon have been talking about for the past week?"

Minhyun chuckled nervously at that, painfully recalling the moment when Sungwoon and Jaehwan managed to corner him in the break room to ask for the _real_ reason why he was walking with a nice limp after his three-day beach vacation out of nowhere. At that moment, Minhyun prayed to all the gods up there that they'd keep his dignity safe from those two and protect him from whatever office gossip backlash he was about to receive with this revelation.

Well, it was kind of his own fault for deciding to bring Jonghyun to the office after a late-night movie together. And at this point, did Minhyun really care anymore? Minhyun's world wasn't collapsing, the universe wasn't conspiring against him, and all he had now was Jonghyun sleeping on his couch, patiently waiting for the two of them to get the hell out of here and back inside their bubble for a night longer.

"The one and only." Minhyun smiled and went back to his computer screen. Dongho was still staring back and forth at Jonghyun's sleeping form and his _boss,_ trying to reconcile his newly-earned information that he wasn't sure if he wanted anymore. Minhyun cleared his throat. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Dongho bowed and closed the door on his way out. Minhyun shrugged off the encounter and went back to work, not in the mood to process things just yet. For now, work. Later on, the rest of it.

Minhyun groaned and thanked his lucky stars that he managed to finish work before midnight. He stood up, kneeled down beside Jonghyun's sleeping face, and poked his cheek until Jonghyun was awake enough to bat Minhyun's hand away. "Leave me alone," he mumbled. "This couch is still more comfortable than my dorm room bed."

"I can attest to that," said Minhyun, leaning forward to kiss Jonghyun on the forehead. Jonghyun smiled with closed eyes and waited for Minhyun to pull away before opening his eyes to stare at Minhyun. "What?" Minhyun asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"You… called me your boyfriend," said Jonghyun, plainly as if he were still processing it, "in front of other people. Actual people in your life."

"Yes, and?" Minhyun laughed and kissed Jonghyun again, enjoying the distinct sensation of Jonghyun's laughter against his lips. "Is there something strange about that?"

"A little bit, yeah," said Jonghyun, and his nervous chuckle was mirrored by Minhyun. "Strange that it took us so damn long."

Minhyun chuckled, took Jonghyun's hand, pressed a kiss against his palm, and tugged him up. "Come on, let's go home."

 _Home._ Something both of them knew they could find in each other from now on. That would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM BACK AFTER A RLY BAD BOUT OF WRITER'S BLOCK  
> i wrote the bulk of this over the past 2 days and i am ,,, very happy to come back to this story
> 
> i know i promised some random falling action fluff but ,,, i couldn't resist the temptation to develop their r/s like this, full of arguments and problems and talking bc !!! they're not perfect and their relationship isn't perfect and they have so much to work on but they're actually trying!! so yes i'm sorry this isn't nearly as fluffy as i promised, but this was best for the story (and it's also the reason why i couldn't just end at chap 10 ,, they'll get their happy ending but it's not exactly a happily ever after yknow)
> 
> anyway more chapter notes:  
> YES GG AREN IS REAL !!!!! I dropped like ,, 10 hints of them dating in the past few chapters and in this one lol I love them they deserve the world  
> if you're wondering: did ongnielbugi form a threesome once upon a time ……… Yes  
> the prof is Boa and the nephew is Taeyong YES I DID INSERT MY JT AGENDA HERE SOMEHOW OK DON'T MIND ME  
> lmao finally I was able to include Dongho in this ,,, sorry he doesn't have much of a role lol  
> yes that's a hamilton reference
> 
> GUYS THIS IS IT . THIS IS RLY THE 2ND TO THE LAST CHAPTER . WE'RE RLY SAYING GOODBYE TO THESE IDIOTS IM SADDDD
> 
> i can't make any promises on when i'll update the epilogue bc college sucks but ;;;; it'll be a happy ending rly ;;;;;;;;
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening: [Shawn Mendes - Fallin' All In You](https://open.spotify.com/track/5I8oEqbk2ZBmQfXCrZbUFb?si=ys-hO5sPRNeo0L_rSp2hdA) and [Ben&Ben - Ride Home](https://open.spotify.com/track/1fXHTDYsJiFOjVWITaFp1j?si=y-fl11inSCq9Y6v2WIgPfg)

"I'm getting too fucking old for this," Minhyun murmured to himself— not that he could actually hear his own thoughts in the damn _noise_ of this crowded club. He glanced at his watch; alright, he had wasted enough time. Time to go home.

He made his way through the crowd, using his height to his advantage as he scoped the scene for a table of kids surrounding _the birthday boy,_ now well beyond tipsy as he laughed and nearly fell off his chair in his attempt to strangle his friend from across the table— _Hyunbin,_ Minhyun could remember from that one time Jonghyun's friends caught them while they were having lunch outside. He was tall, handsome, kind of a bumbling idiot; Minhyun understood why Jonghyun liked his company.

The _rest_ of the company, however, heaved a sigh of relief when they saw Minhyun creeping up on Jonghyun to pull him up and give him a hug from behind. Jonghyun yelled as he felt the arms wrap around his waist, but he easily melted when he realized that it was Minhyun holding him so closely, pressing against him and tucking his chin on Jonghyun's shoulder. "Hi," Minhyun whispered into Jonghyun's ear, hoping that he'd be heard past the painful bass coming from the speakers.

He was heard, as evident from the shiver that ran down Jonghyun's body. "Minhyun!" Jonghyun turned around and hugged Minhyun as tightly as he could, grinning carelessly before placing an arm over Minhyun's shoulders and pulling him close. "Hey, has everyone met Minhyun, my boyfriend, the _best kisser ever?_ " Before Jonghyun could even turn his head in an attempt to demonstrate that, Minhyun already had a hand over Jonghyun's lips, stopping him from turning this into a _public_ show.

"You've told us, Jonghyun! We don't need to see it!" Seongwu replied, laughing as he cradled a bottle of beer to his chest.

"You wouldn't want to," said Minki, pretending to shudder and laughing as Aron hid his face in Minki's chest, _also_ painfully recalling all the times they had caught the two of them in… compromising positions.

"Okay, birthday boy, it's time to go home," Minhyun said, groaning as he felt Jonghyun's pout against his palm. He pulled it back and wiped his hand on Jonghyun's sleeve, and he smiled when all Jonghyun could do was pout and whine and nuzzle against Minhyun's neck. His friends all cooed in response, and Aron stared straight into Minhyun's eyes, mouthing, _'Go. Now.'_

It was all Minhyun needed before he held Jonghyun by the waist and thanked everyone for coming to his dumb boyfriend's spontaneous early birthday party, one that even Minhyun didn't anticipate. "Aron, make sure the bill goes straight to my card, okay?" He winked and laughed as the party cheered, and he rolled his eyes in response before dragging Jonghyun away. _Kids._

Still, they loved Jonghyun and made him happy whenever Minhyun couldn't be there for him. In a way, they were a part of Minhyun's life too. They were good, good people, good for Jonghyun.

Sometimes Minhyun still wondered if he could say the same for himself. As Jonghyun fell asleep the moment he rested his head in the passenger's seat, Minhyun couldn't stop thinking about it. He gazed at Jonghyun's sleeping face, a little blotchy and bloated from all the drinking. He shouldn't have gotten to this point. Minhyun should have been there, should have left that damn meeting early enough to at least be part of the celebrations, of Jonghyun's life. Jonghyun didn't even get mad at him for those kinds of things anymore; they were well past the point of accepting how they had to compromise their time with each other.

It had been a long year, but they were getting used to the compromises. There wasn't anything wrong with admitting that. There wasn't anything wrong with admitting that they were still working on things even after a whole year of talking and laughing and having sex and making choices and fighting and doing it all over again.

Minhyun was deep in thought while he was driving, but he was disrupted by his passenger groaning as he woke up and turned his head to leer at the driver. "Hi," Minhyun said quietly, glancing at Jonghyun's eyes through the rear-view mirror. There was a dangerous, half-tipsy glint there that Minhyun didn't know what to do about, _especially_ considering how Jonghyun got whenever he went out drinking.

"Minhyun," Jonghyun said lowly, "let's fuck. Like, right now."

He couldn't help but release a bark of laughter. _Of course_ that was what Jonghyun was going after. "Jonghyun," Minhyun said, calm and teasing and almost patronizing, "how many times have we been in this exact situation?"

Jonghyun hummed, pretending to think, but he was probably more focused on maneuvering his hand to land on Minhyun's upper thigh. "Too many?"

"Yes, exactly," said Minhyun, voice starting to get deeper as Jonghyun's light touches sent his brain to the danger zone. "And how many times have I ever actually agreed to that?"

"Twice," Jonghyun answered quickly, and he made a contented sound at the back of his throat. "And both times were _hot._ "

Minhyun sighed deeply and stopped Jonghyun's hand from getting any further up. _"Jonghyun,"_ he warned, "I'm not fucking you in my car."

"Come _on!_ " Jonghyun whined. "I didn't even throw up last time!"

"But _this time,_ " Minhyun reached out to pinch Jonghyun's nose, "I am not falling for that."

Jonghyun replied with a pout, Minhyun replied with his signature laughter, and soon enough, they were both in fits as Minhyun drove through the night, taking Jonghyun home with a hand on the small of his back and the other one holding Jonghyun's. Minhyun was going to enjoy drunk Jonghyun and his clinginess for as long as he could, as long as Jonghyun would let him.

Jonghyun stumbled through the hallway of Minhyun's apartment, taking off his shoes and coat and unnecessary clothes in a trail of crumbs on the floor that Minhyun was meant to follow— _and_ _clean up, damn it, Jonghyun._ As much as Minhyun loved taking care of Jonghyun, there were still a few habits of his that Minhyun couldn't get behind, like his amazing ability to completely ignore Minhyun if he absolutely wanted to.

He was showcasing that right now as he laughed, ran before Minhyun could catch up to him, and closed the bedroom door right in Minhyun's face. "Ugh— Jonghyun! Open the door!" Minhyun groaned as he banged on the wood. It only took five more seconds of helpless silence for Minhyun to turn the doorknob and realize that it was unlocked this whole time.

Before Minhyun could scold Jonghyun, he stumbled upon a sleeping boy on his bed, dressed only in his boxers and a thin shirt— one that Minhyun _distinctly_ remembered was his. Minhyun chuckled, dropped the bundle of clothes he was holding in his arms, and followed suit, settling into his side of the bed while trying not to disrupt Jonghyun in his sleep.

It didn't take much movement for Jonghyun to rouse. He looked up at Minhyun with bleary eyes and blinked it all away until Minhyun found himself trapped in Jonghyun's bright gaze again. "Hi," he whispered, and Jonghyun smiled before tugging Minhyun down for a kiss.

Their first for the night. The first of many, as always. They always found it difficult to stop themselves from falling for each other, from the very beginning up until now. Jonghyun was… a _challenge_ for Minhyun. He was an anomaly in the dreariness of his life, and he was also the best thing to happen to Minhyun in a long, long time. In all ways, Jonghyun was amazing, the best thing Minhyun didn't think he deserved. He only hoped that Jonghyun somehow felt the same.

"It's been a while," said Jonghyun, tracing the hem of Minhyun's shirt and sighing as Minhyun ran his fingers through his hair, "since the two of us were like this."

"Like what?"

"Not… not fighting. Or whatever it is we've been doing for the past week."

Minhyun dipped down to press a kiss against the crown of Jonghyun's head. "Suddenly, you're so eloquent," he tried to tease, another last-ditch attempt at avoiding this talk, he was aware.

"Suddenly sober, I guess," said Jonghyun, quiet and somber. What an _awful_ start to his birthday, huh?

Well, if Jonghyun was willing to do this now, Minhyun didn't have the right to run away. "I'm sorry; this week's been—"

"A mess, I know." Jonghyun sounded tired. He had the right to be; being together hadn't been easy for a while now. "Can we please— please just talk about it?"

"I don't know what to talk about anymore," said Minhyun, honest, pained. At that moment, Minhyun made the mistake of not looking into Jonghyun's eyes, not seeing the absolute love and adoration there right before it morphed into something blank and restrained. Or maybe that was for the better; maybe it was better that Minhyun's mind wasn't filled with any uncertainty right before Jonghyun said what he had to say next.

"I do," Jonghyun said quietly, holding Minhyun's hand in his and allowing Minhyun to cradle his face with the other. "I'm— Minhyun, I'm _scared._ "

At that, Minhyun decided to lower himself to meet Jonghyun's eyes fully so that neither of them could escape from this. "Of what?" He held Jonghyun's face in both of his hands. "Jonghyun, _what_ are you so afraid of?" He said with a faint smile, hoping that it would be enough to coax Jonghyun out of this— this _slump_ they were both hitting.

Jonghyun bit back his tears, the same ones that Minhyun was too familiar with at this point. The sight of them still filled Minhyun with guilt each time, even if logically he knew he wasn't the cause of it. Sometimes his mind still wandered to that night on that rooftop, having that conversation and speaking those words—those _lies_ —to Jonghyun. A part of him—a part in them _both—_ still hadn't recovered from that.

But this time Jonghyun wasn't looking at him with fury in his eyes. He was _pleading,_ nearly _begging_ Minhyun to stay, to never let go of him. Minhyun was more than pleased to comply, more than pleased to want to be a part of Jonghyun's life for as long as life would let him.

"This night, this party," Jonghyun shook his head, "I asked for it to happen because I wanted to run away, I wanted to ignore things for a little longer."

"Ignore what?" asked Minhyun, a little too impatient to find out what the hell managed to break Jonghyun to this degree.

"It's— it's dumb and inevitable," Jonghyun mumbled. "I got the notice again. Enlistment. Two years of my life, just— _gone_."

Minhyun took a deep, deep breath. _Of course_ he failed to account for this. Of course he stopped caring about it as soon as he finished his service, but he failed to remember that there was someone else who's whole life was pending until a chunk of it was gone in a snap, someone who Minhyun was ready to give his whole life to, if need be.

"It… it _sucks,_ Minhyun. Because I know I can't keep delaying it and I should have gotten it over with when I was younger but—" Jonghyun bit his lip again. "I thought I would just be able to enlist later on after graduating without any regrets, without anything to leave behind. _Anyone,_ really." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "And now there's _you._ "

His voice cracked at the end. Jonghyun was scared because his one regret as he swore to vanish from the earth for the next two years was _Minhyun._ And as much as Minhyun's heart still soared at the thought of that, at the thought that Jonghyun was more afraid of not being to give all of himself to Minhyun and receive it in turn for all this time, Minhyun just—

"What… are you afraid of?" he asked in earnest, a smile blooming on his face. "Jonghyun, do what you have to do. Regarding me, there's… nothing to be afraid of."

"You—" Jonghyun's voice cracked. "I don't— I don't know if you're willing to wait _that_ _long_ just for someone like me."

 _"Jonghyun,"_ said Minhyun, voice soft and sweet and with a chuckle waiting at the edges, "I have waited all this time _just_ for someone like you." Minhyun didn't expect his own voice to be so shaky, didn't think his hands would turn so cold against Jonghyun's cheeks. "And you think— you think I'd let go of you now? Just for two years that I know will pass by in a flash for as long as I know— and _I_ _know_ _it_. You and I… we're worth the wait, Jonghyun."

There was a throaty quality to Minhyun's voice, something that could probably be attributed to the tears in his eyes. He didn't know why they were there, didn't know why he and Jonghyun were laughing as they wiped away each other's tears, didn't know why he was being like this. Maybe it was because the realization had only hit him now: Jonghyun was _not_ who he was expecting. Jonghyun was _not_ the person he had been waiting for all along, the soulmate that would fix him, would complete him for once.

A white lie, perhaps. Jonghyun was—once again—an anomaly, a complete surprise, the best thing to have ever happened to Minhyun without him expecting it, working for it, or even deserving it. Even until now, after everything, Minhyun didn't think he was worthy of Jonghyun. And yet, _and yet—_ here they were, a mess tangled in limbs and sheets and tears, just two people who felt love and learned it and learned to fight for it, even if it meant fighting themselves, changing themselves, making themselves into the _better people_ that deserved the kind of love they were so desperate to hold on to.

"Two years is a long time," said Jonghyun one last time.

"It is," Minhyun said, taking Jonghyun's hand and pressing a kiss against his knuckles. "And I will love you _regardless,_ and wait for you for as long as I have to. Here— at home." Minhyun chuckled against his skin. "You'll— you'll come home in two years, and I'll be— fuck wait, I'll be _thirty-two._ "

"My old man," Jonghyun found the energy to tease. He smiled, teary eyes squinting into nothingness as the two of them stared at each other in the silence of the bedroom, the sound of the city around them so, so far away in this moment.

"All yours, Jonghyun." Minhyun had never meant it this much before. "Always, all ways."

 

 

———

 

 

Jonghyun woke up to a headache, a glass of water and some pills on the bedside table, and the distinct feeling that there was something weird about this day. His phone beeped. Again. And again. And— oh _fuck,_ it was his birthday again. He yawned and took the pill, lazily scrolling through his messages and briefly considering if he should respond to them or feign sleep for a few more hours. He didn't know why he was still asking; the latter had been winning for the past six years.

Still, he stopped and smiled at a certain message from a certain Hwang Minhyun, one who was surprisingly absent from the apartment this morning. _'Happy birthday, babe. Sorry, I couldn't file a leave for today :( Your gift's on the dining table ^^'_

Jonghyun chuckled as he walked out towards the aforementioned table and started typing out his reply. 'Can you stop using those emoticons as my birthday gift instead? Emojis are the new thing, hyung!!' Jonghyun was about to send it, but he stopped as he saw the small envelope just waiting for him there. Jonghyun put his phone down and lifted the envelope, wondering what the hell Minhyun had planned for him this time.

When he opened it, all it contained was a tacky greeting card and… a key. _What?_

_'For when it's time for you to come home to me. I love you. I'll wait. — M'_

Jonghyun took his phone, erased his previous reply, and blinked back the tears as he started typing again. _'Thanks for the gift. Come home to me, hyung. I love you too.'_ Sent.

Jonghyun leaned back and waited for the cool surface of the counter to greet his lower back, to support him as his body shook with laughter and tears and the sudden relief at the thought that _yes,_ he _knew_ Minhyun would wait. He _knew_ this was real and worth fighting for and worth waiting for and worth— _everything,_ really.

Who knew? The greatest mess that Jonghyun had gotten himself into was the greatest thing to have happened to him— and that _person_ was who he could now call _home._

Who would've thought, huh?

 

_fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, guys :'-) this is really it, huh? :'-----)
> 
> seriously, these have been the WILDEST 5 months of my life (in more ways than one rly) and this fic, who was supposed to be a fun smutty piece w/ a lil bit of angst just to keep it Extra Spicy, became a whole MONSTER that made me reevaluate my writing and storytelling and character development skills. This is also the longest fic i've ever written EVER and it's just ,,, crazy to think of how far we've all come wow
> 
> to everyone who's been here since the very beginning (and also those who decided to pick this up in any stage of development hell when i didn't know where i rly wanted to go w this story), THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! i could not have done this without the amazing responses i've gotten all throughout this run ;; the gg fic bids adieu my loves <333
> 
> random notes:  
> i was FINALLY able to shoehorn in the title in this fic lmao ,,,,,  
> pls pls pls feel free to ask me abt the characters and all their futures hehe i'd love to revisit this lovely cast of idiots in some drabbles every now and then  
> I FORGOT TO THANK MY TRUE MUSE, SHAWN MENDES ,,, THANK U FOR GETTING ME THROUGH THAT ROUGH PATCH WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS DURING VACATION I LOVE U <333
> 
> follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/junfhongs)](https://curiouscat.me/junfhongs)!!
> 
> until next time y'all! ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ  
> \- junfhongs (francine)


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